Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[Harrybosch]

Frau’s I don’t have a child so please do tell me if I’m talking out of my (Mediterranean) arse.. but I would sell a sideboard to feed my child quality food

You are clearly a fool. What do you think a child can give you that a 93kg sideboard can't? Priorities, Frau! The cabal is disappointed and might revoke membership.

Also, dear @Pocahontas, many have already said it but your recaps are wonderful and in this one you've reached new heights. I trust you've already been commissioned for recap 75 and 76. X

 

[Captainmouse]

Just caught up on the past twenty four hours, what a (chemical) rollercoaster. It must have been quite the scene in the crappy bungalow once she realised she'd been rumbled, furiously refreshing on here and her multiple twitter accounts with her Smart Price sausage fingers, going from phone to phone to phone trying to cover her tracks, wailing like a banshee and cursing @Veronicaaa in her adenoidal whine.

I was interested to see she even has another book lined up after this one - that she is definitely writing and will surely materialise on time - which got me thinking about other books she is qualified to write. Anyone else got any suggestions?

View attachment 248850

Thus insuring an infinite supply for her lasagna

 

[PoorPatrol]

If the daughter of a literal baron (not you guys, Giz and Nige) said they could live off of £20 a week, she’d have been screeching about the fact that they probably have the benefit of full store cupboards and other stuff to add to it. Plus they’re not really truly living it and therefore won’t have the accompanying howling/clawing/bawling/severe misery like she has. But will she be using her own safety net? She’s got 3 freezers, a million sideboards and open shelves full of crap, every spice known to man, and a £3k Smeg fridge. She’s not ‘living’ off of that pile of shite from Asda. Plus, her son isn’t with her seven days a week the lying cuuuuuunt. Sorry, just went full Russell Kane in my head there.

 

[NP]

Holy shitballs. I’ve been grunking all evening with my mouth agape, frantically liking all the brilliant detective work.

When I have times of needing to cut back, I buy less meat and do more veggie meals for us. The thought of eating a sausage that costs 5p makes me gag. So you would imagine someone who used to be 90% vegan would be repulsed by the idea. For her to buy the cheapest, eyelids & arseholes meat then straight after announce she has an ethical food book in the pipeline is laughable. And why is it the next book after this one? We’re still waiting on the book that she wants black writers to write for her and ouchy mouth book. Do her publishers just say, “Yes, absolutely” to every fleeting idea she has?

 

[Captainmouse]

Hilarious! I thought you’d given her a lip stud until I realised it was 50p and the lipliner!

She must be incandescent with rage when she visits here the wealth of talent in the canal is phenomenal

 

[Switchstreetz]

In lighter news @Incywincy has reached thread 59!!!! Keep climbing, you can do it!

 

[Blurp]

Why is she buying instant mash when a few months ago she was filling her three freezers with real mash? A) surely they've not gone through that much unless they're eating it daily, and, B) she knows how to make proper mash. Her mother must be horrified.

Seriously, I wouldn't give a dog those sausages, let alone a child. I'm a veggie but I buy sausages on a regular basis for my old disabled dog who has daily medication - get a knife and cut out a cone from a chunk of cold cooked sausage, insert metacam, replace cone, hand to dog, and it doesn't touch the sides.

I really hope that SB has school dinners and a stepmother who will get vitamins and protein into him with decent food.

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[Captainmouse]

Frau’s I don’t have a child so please do tell me if I’m talking out of my (Mediterranean) arse.. but I think that I would sell a sideboard to feed my child quality food

Luckily he doesn’t have to suffer slop everyday, he gets proper food with his father.

instant mash ffs. BUY A POTATO.

5 mins in the microwave, sling it in the ricer, Bosch, lump free mash, complete with vits, fibre and flavour and no dodgy additives unlike that instant crap

 

[TitsMcGee]

Ok. Am I taking things too far, or is anyone else finding themselves scrolling through the tweets of any random who says ‘thankyou’ on Twitter in the hope of an ‘aha!’ moment? No? Just me.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Wow Jack is un-bleeping-believable isn't she?
She doesn't even care about the sausages containing so much disgusting non nutritional bulking agents. Not to mention the carcinogens. She is practically boasting about feeding her son that cheap nasty muck. That poor boy, she is awful to him. I hope he gets a better diet at his dads. Jack is an all round cheap nasty wee goblin and definitely not a good mother, sorry not sorry.

Time and again she reveals the disdain she has for the poor boy. Even in that podcast with Giovanna "give it some love, feed it" etc. Those are not the words of a loving mum. I believe it when she said she did not want to be a mum. What I can't understand is why she kept the baby because its obvious that she still does not want to be a mum. bleeping hole.


Fraus you have been wonderful tonight. I cannot stop laughing. Pocahontas your thread recaps are brilliant, absolute comedy gold. You can call yourself a comedienne, a professional writer, critic and disney princess.

It is also great to see new fraus on here, more people waking up to Jack's deceit and thundercuntery. Come to the dark side, we have properly baked, nutritious vegan cookies (real vegan, not Jack vegan).

 

[Scarletfever]

It's bleeping exhausting following her on twitter. I can't imagine what it is like knowing her in real life.

Feel sorry for the poor sod earlier who said "welcome back" and got short shrift as she "wasn't back", before proceeding to tweet continuously for hours including uploading photos of asda shelves and receipts.

 

[Raker]

Don’t suppose anyone happened to notice whether the pinky Minky or jack monrow accounts were flip flopping between iPhone and Android ???

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Frau’s I don’t have a child so please do tell me if I’m talking out of my (Mediterranean) arse.. but I think that I would sell a sideboard to feed my child quality food

Yes absolutely.

 

[Incywincy]

In lighter news @Incywincy has reached thread 59!!!! Keep climbing, you can do it!

Just when I thought I was getting closer, I see you're now in #75!!!

 

[xoxo]

Don’t suppose anyone happened to notice whether the pinky Minky or jack monrow accounts were flip flopping between iPhone and Android ???

The mink one did switch between iPhone, Android and web.
I didn’t catch the Monrow account.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Don’t suppose anyone happened to notice whether the pinky Minky or jack monrow accounts were flip flopping between iPhone and Android ???

I'm sure it was noticed in the previous thread that manky mink was switching between phones.

 

[Captainmouse]

Just when I thought I was getting closer, I see you're now in #75!!!

Grab some red bull it’s exhausting

 

[Tabitha D]

Holy shitballs. I’ve been grunking all evening with my mouth agape, frantically liking all the brilliant detective work.

When I have times of needing to cut back, I buy less meat and do more veggie meals for us. The thought of eating a sausage that costs 5p makes me gag. So you would imagine someone who used to be 90% vegan would be repulsed by the idea. For her to buy the cheapest, eyelids & arseholes meat then straight after announce she has an ethical food book in the pipeline is laughable. And why is it the next book after this one? We’re still waiting on the book that she wants black writers to write for her and ouchy mouth book. Do her publishers just say, “Yes, absolutely” to every fleeting idea she has?

“Eye-lids, bollocks and arseholes”: there’s a thread title in there somewhere.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Reminds me of a brilliant Royle Family quote about earholes, eyeholes and arseholes. She's unintentional comedy gold if you overlook the sneaky, cold and batshit parts of her persona