Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[crystaleyesd]

Apparently Louisa paid for all that Cotswolds furniture

*sure Jan gif*

 

[Blurp]

Why is she buying instant mash when a few months ago she was filling her three freezers with real mash? A) surely they've not gone through that much unless they're eating it daily, and, B) she knows how to make proper mash. Her mother must be horrified.

Seriously, I wouldn't give a dog those sausages, let alone a child. I'm a veggie but I buy sausages on a regular basis for my old disabled dog who has daily medication - get a knife and cut out a cone from a chunk of cold cooked sausage, insert metacam, replace cone, hand to dog, and it doesn't touch the sides.

I really hope that SB has school dinners and a stepmother who will get vitamins and protein into him with decent food.

 

[Tabitha D]

She has always had a 'type' then.

Squiggle

Eau de nil was much favoured by the late Queen Mother. Before she died, obvs.

Jack Monroe
Replying to
Squiggle

As were 50/50 Gin and Dubonnets for breakfast. I was slightly obsessed with her as a child, it's a long story

--------------------------------

P.S. Russell Brand is trending. I will be most upset if I don't wake up to a scathing essay, full of white hot class fury .... and Bear's accurate Pantone colour.

So Russell has supposedly (I remain sceptical) interacted with two “working class men” today who used “surprisingly” poetic language. So you were “surprised” they knew such sophisticated words eh Russell?? That’s nice. Very patronising. And that they were working class - relevant why??
What an utter bellend.
I suppose his acquaintance with Jack makes a bit more sense now. Birds of a feather.

 

[Silver Linings]

As this is going in her book I reckon it’s fair game.

Enjoy!

Homogenous mush. Yummy!

 

[HarderFaster]

Our supposed stickler for detail has also missed out the essential capital N of 'Nil' - proper nouns require capital letters, you dunce.

Without it, her beloved water of the Nile becomes... water of nothing.

There's a metaphor in there, somewhere.

 

[PoorPatrol]

If the daughter of a literal baron (not you guys, Giz and Nige) said they could live off of £20 a week, she’d have been screeching about the fact that they probably have the benefit of full store cupboards and other stuff to add to it. Plus they’re not really truly living it and therefore won’t have the accompanying howling/clawing/bawling/severe misery like she has. But will she be using her own safety net? She’s got 3 freezers, a million sideboards and open shelves full of crap, every spice known to man, and a £3k Smeg fridge. She’s not ‘living’ off of that pile of shite from Asda. Plus, her son isn’t with her seven days a week the lying cuuuuuunt. Sorry, just went full Russell Kane in my head there.

 

[colouredlines]

I'm just pleased that, after her forays into stage makeup, scathing essays, cartoons, #makingmemories and being a mink, Jack's back to what she does best: making revolting slop and offending Scotland.

 

[Emmapism]

Her latest pic of Cooper shows one of those tri-fold makeup mirrors - perfect for creating the most REALISTIC bruises and for staring at your sad little narc face in proper HD for hours on end. I'm not going to post the s/s but don't care if someone else does!

Anyway, pretty sure I triangulated it. You can get one of these mirrors for twenty quid on Amazon. Jack's, of course, costs £300. ADD IT TO THE LIST @HarderFaster!

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Of course the mirror has fucking WiFi

 

[Silver Linings]

@MarmiteExtract I put my years of watching CSI experience to use and did my best zoom and enhance cliché and I believe it does, it’s just in shadow because of her BIG LIGHT being on at 4.50am.

 

[Froggies]

The Asda food shop is ridiculous. She hates food doesn’t she?
How is she making meals out of that random selection of food? Arseholes cooked in lard, anyone?
She’s a cook who’s written cookbooks...why is she buying packet mix?! I do not believe this has anything to do with budget and everything to do with the fact she’s lazy.

£20 a week shop for 2? I could do that.
Infact I just have

Cottage pie - 4 portions so 2 meals covered (if you’re not a greedy goblin). Bulk the mince with lentils
Honey and lemon chicken thighs with potatoes and mixed veg
Chicken thighs stuffed with cream cheese served with potatoes and mixed veg
Cream cheese pasta and peas
Pizza (as a treat)
Tomato and cheese pasta
Cereal and milk for breakfast
Cheese cucumber and mayo sandwiches for lunch
6 pack of crisps
Orange squash
Ok so it’s NOT fun food there but it IS food and that’s breakfast, lunch and dinner covered. £19.84 at tesco (I can provide the receipts ) for everything including pasta and cereal. I assumed the letdown larder was empty.

 

[Silver Linings]

Posting this as it’s two blue tickers. Is Jack an anti-lockdowner now?

 

[kachoochoo]

Bloody hell-wonder what these people giving jack tips to save money would make of her mirror & other luxury possessions? I reckon she could sell her mirror and give this poor soul the proceeds-that’d cover the cellophane on bananas for the rest of her life.

so, in this scenario, you'd be in a shop which sells both loose - weighed at checkout - and bagged bananas - not weighed, yes?

now, am I missing something or would you not just purchase the loose bananas and avoid the need to start removing packaging in shops?

is it just me, or is this utter madness?

 

[Montrachet]

I've just horrified myself with the thought that the Bedroom Pussy Jar is where "Monsieur Jacques" resides...

I wonder what is Jackie's muse on those lonely nights between fiancées?

 

[sarahjay]

Something has been bothering me for a while.

When she talks about paying herself a living wage, she always says “a living wage” rather than “the living wage”. I suspect (your honour) this is because her living wage is vastly different to the Gov living wage.

Could be nothing, but again today on a tweet she said “I pay myself living wage” which seems to skirt around the issue of what wage she is paying herself. Idk maybe I’m just looking too much into it?

 

[Cookiecookie]

I'm awake, but I live upside down to most of you

Ugh, why brag about feeding your child that nasty crap? Why does she never buy mince, it's super cheap (even decent stuff) and you can do a bajillion and one things with it? You can stretch the life out of it with veggies and pulses to make it even cheaper and more nutritious, much healthier for a growing lad. Why buy packet mixes after bragging about owning every single spice in the entire world? So many questions, so much bollocks!

 

[Veronicaaa]

I make soup for a living, and I cannot put lentil and courgette together in my head and make it work. Lentils are magical things - nutty, buttery, rich. Courgettes are basically bags of water, and roasting them is only going to evaporate the water. I put summery green flavours with courgettes (watercress, dill, spinach), but I can’t imagine them with lentils. Unless you’re in need of yet another recipe to pad out yet another cookbook nobody asked for.

Soup deserves better than this.

I used to make soup for a living (lentil was our best seller, made vast pots of it every couple of days) and I agree entirely! Red lentils are their own main soup type, be it basic Scottish or spiced-up Moroccan, thick enough to hold up a spoon or as a more gentle broth. There's absolutely no need to cook something separately to stick it in a blender , it's a nonsense, it's a one-pot soup, (as are most (all?) soups, but lentil especially, which soaks up the flavour of the veg / spices is cooked with) and to conclude, she's such a fucking FANNY.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Floating no-hand ballet-toes long-skirt sinister Victorian ghost-Jack is my favourite mock up to ever grace these threads. I have hooted up half my breakfast

 

[Silver Linings]

Deja vu. Also some nice groundwork for an ‘off her tits’ defence should Peeky come to light.

Still sleepy so don’t feel bad about the screenshots.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

instant mash ffs. BUY A POTATO.

 

[Tabitha D]

View attachment 250087

Bloody hell, the grandiosity. She makes her own kombucha, like many other people do every day, but *of course* hers is exceptional and market ready as a faux whisky. How can she have such a high opinion of herself and everything she does?? It’s extraordinary.