Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[Alansbigplate]

This should be her next Twitter bio.

Hi it’s me, Jack Monroe, inventor of healthy start vouchers, accidental kombucha whisky brewer, piano playing bean rinser and 90% lesbian, here to slay my own fears and make you cringe so hard your arse turns inside out.

...evidence speaks for itself mate

 

[blurstoftimes]

Imagining her sitting at her WIFI mirror, preening herself and adjusting her wig while she was taking those infamous red-lipped ouchy mouth pics gives me the creeps. Very What Happened to Baby Jane vibes but for the internet era

 

[Fitnessqueen]

@Pocahontas - your recaps are a thing of beauty but “Jack, Jack - I have a raw egg, a tin of marrow fat peas and a chicken’s foot (singular). HALP.“ has actually caused me to cry proper ugly laughing tears

 

[colouredlines]

Imagine having such a big house that you can fit an accidental sofa in it. I would demand that they take it away!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

She is having a lovely quiet evening with SB. Oh sorry, she’s tweeting even more than she used to and asking her enablers to tell her what to cook for tea tomorrow and telling her followers SB would eat nothing but eyelid sausages if given the choice.

Is this the promised #spon #collab that was all secret squirrel? Has she bought shares in Smart Price sausages?

In short, the elation from having got away with Peeky is making her even more insufferable than usual. A feat indeed.

49 tweets since he came home from school. Has she even spoken to him?

ETA: 57 tweets.

 

[Flivver]

Long time (well, since lockdown) lurker here. I was wfh and coping with a family member undergoing chemotherapy from March until June. This cabal of trolls has injected a bit of humour into some very dark times. Thank you frauen for the laughs!

I read the comments on JM‘s absolute batshittery and shake my head in absolute disbelief. Kittengate finally did it for me and yesterday’s shenanigans...well. Always had a modicum of sympathy for her, thought she did the right thing for the disadvantaged in society and her heart was in the right place. Reading The Mink alterego - Ocado when some are struggling to feed their families. Beggars belief.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Oh dear God I'd forgotten about the bones in her foot

Could she not get the extra bones in her foot covered in the excess skin on her hands and create some kind of extra limb to hold her other phone with? Science *man tapping his temple gif*

 

[Veronicaaa]

She didn’t even Google what “tutelage” meant before insisting DW was a racist.

IT'S A FOREIGN NAME!

 

[crystaleyesd]

Couldn't help myself with the ss! I just want Marmite or Alan to photoshop Jackie with some hen legs in traaaazers

 

[UnderTheRadar]

That he had to buy himself with his own pocket money....

Correct me if I’m wrong Frauen but did she not take SB to an abattoir or at least tell him all about it? Then she’s traumatising him with the same product that she was so against?! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!!!

 

[kachoochoo]

Sorry what?
In the stew?

yes, absolutely x

 

[Alansbigplate]

Today was exhausting

 

[lanocciola]

So many things to say, but let's just address that she doesn't need "Asda plant-based mince" to make things vegan and nutritious. Lentils and textured soy protein work well and are cheaper. And buying shitty cheap meat but not eating it yourself doesn't make an ethical choice. The point is you financially supported industrial animal agriculture and also failed in teaching your kid about responsible consumption. But you all know this...

 

[NP]

Holy shitballs. I’ve been grunking all evening with my mouth agape, frantically liking all the brilliant detective work.

When I have times of needing to cut back, I buy less meat and do more veggie meals for us. The thought of eating a sausage that costs 5p makes me gag. So you would imagine someone who used to be 90% vegan would be repulsed by the idea. For her to buy the cheapest, eyelids & arseholes meat then straight after announce she has an ethical food book in the pipeline is laughable. And why is it the next book after this one? We’re still waiting on the book that she wants black writers to write for her and ouchy mouth book. Do her publishers just say, “Yes, absolutely” to every fleeting idea she has?

 

[Silver Linings]

She’s disappearing back down a writing hole now while necking sainsburys basics teabag kombucha. She also had to gloat about being able to recognise 20 whisky brands and updated her sober count to nearly 20 months.

ETA - Read it again, she thinks her bastardised concoction tastes like a ‘good, peaty scottish isles whisky’ and is congratulating herself on being the only person who has pulled off making alcohol free whisky.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Yet again taking absolutely no personal responsibility for this? The following is only applicable to JM as a high earner, I appreciate the majority of women are utterly shafted by break ups and parenting responsibilities - but if after 30,000 failed engagements you don’t have the good sense to set your life up in a manner you can afford on a single income then more fool you? If you’ve prioritised buying high end furniture over saving & your family’s financial security in the good times then more fool you?

Again betraying her poverty narrative. How many of us will be re prioritising purchases with news of lockdown two coming and we’ve got Jackie wasting our time with a sub optimal spreadsheets, as if that undoes the damage of being a Cotswolds Co 1%er

 

[MarmiteExtract]

Can anybody be arsed to sit through this? I just...can't.

View attachment 249472

Nothing new then!

 

[blurstoftimes]

Couldn't help myself with the ss! I just want Marmite or Alan to photoshop Jackie with some hen legs in traaaazers

View attachment 249855

why is she sprinkling tiny bits of chard on there like it’s a herb . Please don’t stop, I love it when jack posts crap recipes.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Sharing this for the third time as it’s so utterly brilliant, a lot of brands & media cos use google trends to inform their brand partnerships / influencer strategies / who they feature in content. It’s trusted, quick, free, and easy to understand and communicate to disengaged or outright thick senior stakeholders.

I am utterly deceased that some poor analyst or strategist may stumble upon tattle as a result of our growing popularity as a google search term, only to become <one of us.gif>.

Jackie is going to be livid we’re now very likely to be spotted and looked into by brands I don’t give a fuck because she’s a thief, an identity thief and an opportunity thief. And a scoundrel for that barely legal meat!

View attachment 248848

 

[Smore tea]

Long time lurker here, then I joined so that I could view the attachments . Have a family member who adores Jack Monroe and now rather disturbingly tweets in the same manner as her . Love the Cabals work xx