Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[crystaleyesd]

She got over a thousand likes for a toastie

And MORE Cotswolds Company stuff just says to me she has no style. Everything she owns is just a bland-ass aesthetic but expensive - she's so rich that she can just throw money at a brand she likes without having to use any imagination on what might go well in the room, and finding the right piece for a good price. How boring it must be to be like that. She values luxury over identity - I am SHOOKETH.

 

[I steal names]

Uhm, for someone who'd love to be Scottish, she's clearly never had a good pot of homemade soup done up here. If we say we're "making a pot of soup" it's typically done with red split lentils, then your onions/leeks, carrots, turnips and potatoes. Not a bit of "homogenous mush" about it. The lentils are a thickener, and give you protein. And like Cariad says, no need to rinse them at all. She is obsessed with rinsing, in many ways.

Why does she talk so much shite?!

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Deceased. It’s like spot the lie.

So which one is it Jack, your circumstances are better so you can afford to buy better food, or you desperately need to budget so yesterday bought £1 sausages?

And then the best bit, “I feel guilty about using too many ingredients in one dish” yet you’ve just put 15 in a dish that resembles something a dog would throw up?

To think this was wrote and published ten days ago.

All I have to say following this is...

 

[GrunkaLunka]

I am absolutely fuming.

I have that jar for cat treats

It's only a matter of time before I'm guzzling horse spunk lasagna and adorning my body with fake wounds.

I'm in the past here, true to my name I'm on the Grunka Express™️ but I wanted to shout forward, through a wormhole to say @Geetbo I feel your pain. Back when Jack got her new Smeg, she posted an interior shot and I was DEVASTATED to discover that I had the same butter dish as her

 

[Alansbigplate]

Considering the palate she’s clearly got I’m gonna venture the whiskey kombucha likely tastes something akin to stale pond water

 

[crystaleyesd]

So she's using her twitter to reply to us? Weren't the sideboards (and the smeg) post-split anyway? Why doesn't Louisa come and get her furniture?

She is so *obviously* responding to us. She can't help herself. Apparently there'll be no more buying furniture for the foreseeable cos she's so poor so just FUCK OFF NOW ok??

Of course, we fraus will always be here, ready to pounce on any accidentally tweeted new purchases

 

[Eurgh]

She’s so sneaky. She set her own budget. It isn’t what she can afford - it’s what she decides to spend. Bet some poor sap will be chucking her their last few quid after that.

 

[Harrybosch]

No 11+ tutor and 32% bollock sausages for SB, but a £400 hammock and a £300 mirror for Jack. They're the true essentials, after all.

Maybe this is what she means when she describes herself as unmaternal. Completely and utterly focused on her own possessions, which she considers SB one of.

The hammock was a GIFT, ok? From Tracey Emin's hairdresser. And the mirror is a business expense, because she's IN THE PUBLIC EYE and needs it. And how dare you suggest that the average single mum on benefits doesn't deserve or indeed already own a giant luxury hammock which can be hung in her rambling garden? Classist!

 

[Candytuft]

Why are you using you personal story (that you know will get sympathy and be immune from criticism) to attack people who don’t eat meat? It’s not relevant to this thread or to your own story.

The choice to eat meat is just as much of a choice as not to eat it.

I am not attacking anyone who eats meat. I was trying to say, badly that some people don’t have choices. Mack can buy what she likes and to say she doesn’t is not true. Evidently so. I am no more immune from criticism than anyone. Admittedly I digressed. My apologies. As we were, folks.

 

[Alansbigplate]

I'm just wondering what a qualified fire service professional would make of it?

On lockdown letdown daily kitchen Matt much someone tweeted her that her cooker wasn’t compliant because the hob is lower than the work surfaces she lost her shit cos she bought the special pink cooker herself the first cooker she’s ever owned and they’re WRONG

 

[Apricotarm]

I’m pleased other lurkers have posted too!
I woke up thinking about this “ethical” cook book. I can’t get my head around it. Jack, ethics?? She buys the lowest welfare crap and I’m pretty sure she wastes a shit ton of food if Edinburgh is anything to go by.

what are these ethics she speaks of?

 

[NP]

I may be wrong but didn’t she already live in the expensive non-bungalow before Louisa moved in? So she could already afford it on a single income?

Also to add, she’s so disingenuous with little ol’ me “I’m fine just having the veg... saving the arsehole sausages for SB... I’ll count my pennies and buttons to get some mince next week” absolute bollocks. You don’t live on a living wage if the rest of it is in a savings account or spunked on fancy furniture and last minute getaways.

ETA. Roasting sausages is often in the cooking guidelines on the back of the packet along with frying or grilling. I must get my copy of Nigella Kitchen out to double-check how many 5p frozen eyelid sausages she suggests.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Nothing quite warms my cold, blackened, ephemeral hausfrau heart, like de-lurkers finishing their first post with “now fuck off!”

imagine gifs as follows:
<homer pats sofa>
<one of us>
<trolls dancing>
<maverick> (just because)

 

[Veronicaaa]

Bloody hell, the grandiosity. She makes her own kombucha, like many other people do every day, but *of course* hers is exceptional and market ready as a faux whisky. How can she have such a high opinion of herself and everything she does?? It’s extraordinary.

She started making it, like, LAST WEEK! But already she's made a product ready to go on the market, she's probably having a wee lie down fantasising about some major Alcohol free Skinny Girl Margarita multi million deal as we speak, all she actually cares about is

 

[NP]

How much is the new JKR out of interest?

Also, was the David Walliams pile on based on homework and measured response?

She didn’t even Google what “tutelage” meant before insisting DW was a racist.

 

[PoorPatrol]

How many companies do you know that can afford letting customers keep an accidental second sofa? A cushion, perhaps, a second copy of a DVD, sure, but an entire sofa?!

Zero. Literally zero. John Lewis no. Amazon no. I’ve had a few big delivery issues, they will literally cut of their noses to spite their, erm, you know, faces. IKEA made me hold onto an extra delivered thing for a month until they had a van in the area to take it away again.

She's doing that thing where she lays the lie groundwork for any future questioning. Like she does with saying a friend was chucking out or she saw Le Crueset for 2p in the charity shop. She talks shite

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

Was no one awake to witness the 23 minutes of the Czech tweet at 2am????! 'Are you all OK?' it roughly translated to. 9 replies. Then POOOOF....twas gone

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Dearest Frauen,

I am mainly a lurker, I initially discovered this wonderful site when I saw Aliceinwanderlust in the news and could not wait to find out all the goss with the SODs! It was eye opening to say the least! Then when those dorks decided to pipe down I saw that the Jack Monroe thread was LIT so I started to follow at thread 29. I have spent the latter part of my pregnancy with you legends laughing (and crying) along with the top notch banter.
It has been especially lovely to hear of other Fraus giving birth along the way. @heretoreaditall2019 special thanks to you for sharing your journey you have no idea how much you have put my mind at rest, and a big congrats on your lovely bundle!
I’ve been following the threads in real time whilst trying to Grunka through 1-28, I’m currently on #11 and it’s so exciting, Jack has made the shed but Hellman’s has not been announced yet and I can’t wait to read your reactions when it is .
As many others have noted, you guys are unreal! The level of knowledge, compassion, empathy and insane humour has distracted me so well from a stressful time and I thank you all so so much.
Yesterday was TOPS, @Veronicaaa your skill set is next level, Jessica Fletcher has nothing on you.
This Jack is the WORST C*NT as we say in Scotland (Shout out to the Scottish Frauen - love ya) she really grinds my gears with her lies and for taking advantage of her somewhat vulnerable followers. I’ve never come across a human as up her own ass as she is.
Thanks again for everything and keep up the amazing work. This should DEFO get published in a book!
Now fuck off x

Edited to fix @heartoreaditall2019’s handle x

Omg congrats on your pregnancy how lovely!! Feel free to come over to our food & drink thread to chat, no grunka-ing necessary, it’s the virtual version of the court waiting room or our future prison wing?

Also sharing for all lurkers / all x

Food & Drink #9 Vlad likes traazers on a bird

@Alansbigplate you are making me snort on the MT. So funny!! I nearly choked on the scrambled egg I was having for lunch

tattle.life

 

[Alansbigplate]

Still with the "living wage" shit. Fucking half-arsed grifter.

half- arsed presumably since the train incident

More importantly, wouldn't you notice a 2nd sofa when it was being delivered. Surely you'd tell the delivery guys that you were only expecting the one?! They'd just pop it back on the van??

She noticed a fucking for sale sign quick enough

 

[Scarletfever]

I always get the feeling she's sub tweeting exes. It's really quite mad to think that someone could go from living with a real, proper chef, to feeding her child eyelid bollock sausages. Surely Allegra taught her a thing or two about using decent meat and ingredients?

I have one of the Leon cookbooks and it is really good on simple tasty dishes. Not a mechanically recovered bollock in sight.

Poor lad has no consistent messages re food. One minute mum's a vegan, guilting him over his sausages, the next she's filling him with wet lunch meat and plastic cheese.