Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[blurstoftimes]

Whenever I picture her cooking now I imagine that infamous video of her hunched over the piano punching the keys with her toddler caveman fists but with a knife in her hand. (A bread knife, of course)

 

[Scarletfever]

She really angered me yesterday with her pretending to be poor asda shop.

Today ahe has angered me with her kombucha that tastes (fuck all) like whisky.

Someone in her tweet replies actually linked a small scottish kombucha company, which she completely ignored (as far as I could see). A retweet or a signal boost from someone like JM could really help that company.

If it isn't directly benefitting her she could not give a damn. God forbid she'd boost someone else's business or help someone out when she can leverage her social media following to put herself forward for work she has no experience of, and nothing to offer.

 

[Silver Linings]

Still twatting on, batting back genuine concern from others that it’s not actually alcohol free and that she’s monitoring it.

70ish (English) tweets today.

 

[I’MBUSY!]

Well done, Jackie, you manipulative arse. Way to get traffic for your “body of work”.

 

[NellieBoo]

Something about your post made me want to conjur a jack type word for this depress pipe along the lines of sausagne: she could call it a arsehole casserole. A c-arse-er-hole

Funnily enough I have an earworm now. The Mamas and Papas 'California Dreamin' - 'All the stews are brown (brown, brown) and the skies are grey'.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Sod it. View attachment 249918View attachment 249920View attachment 249921
Of course it is.

Blimey she really is the gift that keeps on giving isn’t she?

Budgeting for meals
Tiny oven
Single income
Living wage

What a load of bollocks.

Here‘s an idea Jack...move house to something cheaper If the rent is so high you’re struggling financially.
Nobody is making you spend that amount of money on rent. You are doing so because you can afford it so stop with the poverty cosplay. It may convince your more deluded followers but the rest of us see straight through you.

Didn't she say when she moved in to the shitty bungalow, it was the first place she had lived where she got to design the kitchen? So why did she chose a tiny crappy electric oven?

 

[Emmapism]

Fybro-Lie-Algia

Welcome all lurkers!

 

[Captainmouse]

I’ve just spent an hour or so chuckling through it, my personal highlight was Grunka ‘sure jan’ giffing her and special mention to Pocahontas asking her to identify a kumquat by presenting her with a photo of a furry animal

You mean the covens mascot, furry boo

kumquat to his friends

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I’m beginning to think the sneaky wee mink is hoping to secure a similar deal with Asda as she had with Sainsbury’s (before they dropped her like a cold bag of sick). I wonder if the Frau who shared Asda’s Tin Can promo (all up in her niche) inspired her???

Do you work with me? This is one of the delightful perks of my job. It's a perk, because if I have one of those presented, it means there isn't a slightly hysterical teacher in a classroom somewhere across the site and I can simply mask and glove up and then get on with making the phone call home.



Well, apart from today. After all my nagging children for not eating breakfast and then complaining of feeling ill, I got caught at lunchtime today. Mr D made my packed lunch, I grabbed it at 6.15am without checking it, only to find that he'd carefully chopped up celery and cucumber sticks, added some wild rocket - and forgotten to put in anything else. On my 18th trip across the site to check a register was done, my legs buckled under me and it took at least ten minutes for anybody to notice. I got practically force fed a school sandwich and a flapjack and felt fine about half an hour later.


I went straight to the Coop when I got off the bus this evening. I now have eggs, reduced steak, prawns, salmon, vegetables, mayonnaise, sriracha and chocolate soya milk cartons. I am making my own lunch from now on. There's rice, potatoes, noodles, seasonings, sauces, herbs and pasta in the cupboard. Between you and me, he's bloody shit at making a balanced meal because of his fucking eating disorder that he won't admit he has, hence his insistence upon doing the cooking and my lunches. And I've had enough of it. Nobody wants to be the fat bird collapsing from lack of food in public. Especially when you then get the caring, supportive lectures from slim people telling me how to diet without doing myself a mischief. It's fucking embarrassing.


Which is why any old shit like that ASDA crap really pisses me off - I spent twenty quid and there is enough to feed me well for about a fortnight with help from the Miele freezer.



Anyhow. Off I grunk. Bisy. Bak son.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Fuck sake Jack, it's a fiction book not a fucking paint chart. Jeeeeesus.

Just her way of elbowing into the JKR chat but not saying anything too near the knuckle. Edgelord

 

[crystaleyesd]

View attachment 249390

This was when she was due to be on Newsnight in front of her bookshelf, if I remember correctly (her spot was cancelled?).

Stuffed narwhal??? 90% vegan...

ETA: Just realised she probably means a toy, not a full on taxidermied sea creature

 

[Leonard]

Grunkaing so apologies if this has already been picked up but SB “wolfing” down his meal is surely as a result of our official Fraus English Language Educational Programme (TM). No more references to “hoofing”

edit: @Marmalade Atkins of course you already noticed that. Nothing gets by this cabal!

But the big question is - will she pass the “peripatetic” module?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

She obviously made herself known to L and a few other of her regular tweeters judging by their responses to the peeky mink account.

The fact that they go along with it

 

[Scarletfever]

Were those cheap crisps out of Asda not actually maize snacks ? Probably not fancy enough .Loving #31 thread forgot how funny it was

Yep. Yesterday she was in the mood for pretending to be pov so was all about the smart price maize snacks.

Today she's all about the branded maize snacks as she tries to keep up with the most cutting edge content producers on twitter. Also, she is tweeting about the time a company sent her two sofas instead of one, and told her to keep the extra sofa.

Apparently this company give her exceptionally great customer service these days!

I can't wait to hear more about this in her new book all about scraping by on the breadline.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Wow Jack is un-fucking-believable isn't she?
She doesn't even care about the sausages containing so much disgusting non nutritional bulking agents. Not to mention the carcinogens. She is practically boasting about feeding her son that cheap nasty muck. That poor boy, she is awful to him. I hope he gets a better diet at his dads. Jack is an all round cheap nasty wee goblin and definitely not a good mother, sorry not sorry.

Time and again she reveals the disdain she has for the poor boy. Even in that podcast with Giovanna "give it some love, feed it" etc. Those are not the words of a loving mum. I believe it when she said she did not want to be a mum. What I can't understand is why she kept the baby because its obvious that she still does not want to be a mum. Fucking arsehole.


Fraus you have been wonderful tonight. I cannot stop laughing. Pocahontas your thread recaps are brilliant, absolute comedy gold. You can call yourself a comedienne, a professional writer, critic and disney princess.

It is also great to see new fraus on here, more people waking up to Jack's deceit and thundercuntery. Come to the dark side, we have properly baked, nutritious vegan cookies (real vegan, not Jack vegan).

 

[Pocahontas]

Haha no, I don't think so! I did ask her some Very Important Questions that she refused to answer and told her we weren't forcing her to stay, but I definitely didn't tell her to shove it.

Some of my favourite bits were when @blurstoftimes said something like ‘Aw, Yel - can’t we ban her?’ and @Begborrowsteal telling her that she was making a show of herself. And I know I always bring it up but when she told @Harrybosch that she was entitled and demanding!

But honestly - there were too many perfect moments, so if you did print out thread #31, Jack - sling us a copy this way will you? Ta.

 

[Alansbigplate]

I had homemade chips and a crispbake thing from M&S for my tea today and I can guarantee you it had more nutritional value that what that slop did.

It looks like something our dogs would throw up after eating too much. How she makes food look quite so unattractive I do not understand, she’s certainly a maverick in that regard - nobody else’s food makes me want to hurl like hers does.

I’m doing something wrong because I had some beans and some bread and some cheese and stupidly I just made beans on toast with cheese on top, what a twerp

 

[Emmapism]

£300 on a completely unnecessary wifi-enabled (why???) mirror, while she feeds her kid 5p sausages.

She has her reasons for budgeting. Fails to mention the reason is spunking £300 on a sentient mirror.

 

[Lanie]

If she means that microwave looking thing perched precariously on top of her microwave then that is shocking. Fifty billion extension leads snaking past the hob and along the worktop to ‘roast’ frozen sausages for 40 minutes.

I don’t think her actual oven works, she was always weirdly testy about it on DKL and never cooked in it live.

Does anyone remember the safety in the kitchen pictures from HE, her plug set up is straight out of that isn't it.we just need and iron board with hot iron and frayed cord and a baby and we are done.

 

[Silver Linings]

A small square from her tweet in case she deletes it after discussion here. <Insert Catchprase jingle>

Huge close up of Cooper’s still sore nose too.