Something to note with these comments, they are echoing things that we point out here, could almost be written by one of us. Except these are from 4 years ago.The comments on that article
This was part of a Guardian job she had, which also led to one of my favourite Jack lines ever (context: she is learning to cook lasagne):At the risk of derailing the discussion, I just came across this video from 5 years ago of JM making a lasagne that looked so much more palatable than her recent efforts. Her tip for making bechamel with oil rather than butter was worth testing. She DID start her onion in a cold pan, and could have browned the mince a bit more before adding the sauce (top tip - dry fry mince, making sure you get lots of lovely crunchy bits before adding to a recipe) but the end product was much more appealing than the value lasagne.NB no horse's spunk was involved in the making of this film.
I do remember how much more watchable she was when she started and how much more palatable and practiced the food was. She’s allowed herself to think her personality was more important than the food.At the risk of derailing the discussion, I just came across this video from 5 years ago of JM making a lasagne that looked so much more palatable than her recent efforts. Her tip for making bechamel with oil rather than butter was worth testing. She DID start her onion in a cold pan, and could have browned the mince a bit more before adding the sauce (top tip - dry fry mince, making sure you get lots of lovely crunchy bits before adding to a recipe) but the end product was much more appealing than the value lasagne.NB no horse's spunk was involved in the making of this film.
Does anyone think that 'Celerie' is actually Natalia?Has anyone noticed the last comment is made by someone calling themselves 'Celerie'?
Celery, Edinburgh?!
Mary mother of Jesus are we still inside the Bootstrap paradox??
Generally we've found that while Jack has always been rather low energy and sometimes grumpy on camera, she was generally better in her 2012-2014ish era than she has been more recently. I think with Jack, it's not necessarily that fame ruined her, it looks like she had issues from before 2012, but rather that fame hasn't helped her.I do remember how much more watchable she was when she started and how much more palatable and practiced the food was. She’s allowed herself to think her personality was more important than the food.
She used to highlight the fluctuation in prices of basic ingredients which was really interesting and important. Now she blends stuff.
Well, quite. This also ties in with her strange assertion that she taught herself to cook from reading ingredient lists on ready meals. Has it not occurred to her that ready meals are based on - hmmm, I don't know - actual dishes and recipes for said dishes have existed for hundreds if not thousands of years? Babe, M&S didn't invent lasagne, Lloyd Grossman did not invent Thai green curry, and you, dear heart, did not invent Gregg's vegan steak bake.This was part of a Guardian job she had, which also led to one of my favourite Jack lines ever (context: she is learning to cook lasagne):
I bought one from M&S, unwrapped it, felt through that sticky white sauce and revealed layers of minced meat, tomato sauce and pasta sheets. Not so mysterious.
It's a fucking lasagne love, what were you expecting to find? Lord Lucan?
Jack Monroe's ready-meal challenge
Jack Monroe: Pushed for both time and money, many of us have come to rely on processed convenience food. But, with a little effort, you can make cheaper, tastier and healthier versions of the same dishes in your own kitchenwww.theguardian.com
Early contender for next thread titleIt's a manifesto for change. Now fuck off x
Not had time for any grunka'ing this week, just popping in to say brilliant recap and brilliant thread title. On my way out to a second date (first was last night!) so please bless my pulling pants!Congratulations to @blurstoftimes for the thread title! A colossal 133 reactionsIt really IS the blurst of times. Again, your name shall be known to the end of eternity.
Special mention to @colouredlines for Jack Monroe: She Left
Recap of thread #73
As always, please add any recap points that I have missed.
- I’m going to try to be brief for the Brief. Our one, not Jack’s
- Has Jack Fixed It For You? If so, now’s your chance to write a letter to tell her just how much you love her, and why. And what for. And since when. And who do you love her less than. Literally just send all that shit to her agent’s assistant, who really is dying for the unpaid but worthy job of opening Jack’s fan mail #freenatalia
- Shit’s gone down in Southend. Some mucky bastard had the literal cheek to put a For Sale sign outside her house. To experience the wild kaleidoscopic ride of those few hours outside an unassuming house on a quiet suburban street, see @kachoochoo ’s epic post here . Bitcoin-a-plenty for you, dear frau, and you have Vlad’s grudging respect until Monday.
- To cut a long story short, an axe came into play, she howled ‘Heeeeeerrrre’s Jackie’ and took out the For Sale sign. Or, did she.
- She joked about crowdfunding a house again, a ‘slightly too-small house’ that she could call her very own. She’s done the maths though, and she needs to sell a hell of a lot more books, so link in the bio, folks!
- Only it’s not, because She Left. Again.
- No Twitter, no Instagram. Gone up in a cloud of ephemera.
- But, then she came back, for about five minutes.
- But, then She Left!
- <play: Twilight Zone theme tune> <play: The Clash, Should I stay or should I go>
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
it’s like a Frau has travelled into the past to warn everyone but the rudimentary time machine will only let her go back 4 years ago to the date that the evening standard published a story about Jack falling under a trainHas anyone noticed the last comment is made by someone calling themselves 'Celerie'?
Celery, Edinburgh?!
Mary mother of Jesus are we still inside the Bootstrap paradox??
Alan you are always hilarious but you are extra hilarious at the moment.If your arse is higher than your hips you’re probably doing a handstand and if you’re doing one next to a train that’s just asking for trouble
Why am I picturing a lasagne splattered across a steel slab as Jack dissects the remains, recording her findings on a tiny tape recorder like she's in Silent Witness?This was part of a Guardian job she had, which also led to one of my favourite Jack lines ever (context: she is learning to cook lasagne):
I bought one from M&S, unwrapped it, felt through that sticky white sauce and revealed layers of minced meat, tomato sauce and pasta sheets. Not so mysterious.
It's a fucking lasagne love, what were you expecting to find? Lord Lucan?
Jack Monroe's ready-meal challenge
Jack Monroe: Pushed for both time and money, many of us have come to rely on processed convenience food. But, with a little effort, you can make cheaper, tastier and healthier versions of the same dishes in your own kitchenwww.theguardian.com
The fact you are on your way to the second date and weren't already there this morning, tells us you're a classy FrauNot had time for any grunka'ing this week, just popping in to say brilliant recap and brilliant thread title. On my way out to a second date (first was last night!) so please bless my pulling pants!
SOD alumni uniteThis is creepy AF, a total stranger to her wondering about her kid? Sorry but i would be more concerned regarding Tweets like this than us collectively being annoyed she is now “using” SB in her narrative. This is verging on FOD’s territory (ya hear me @Pocahontas, @Dogmuck , @MarmiteExtract and @heretoreaditall2019 )
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Why am I picturing a lasagne splattered across a steel slab as Jack dissects the remains, recording her findings on a tiny tape recorder like she's in Silent Witness?
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