Jack Monroe #74 The 19th most important gay in 2014

[Nottonightbabe]

EYE ROLL EMOJI!!

 

[Silver Linings]

bE KinD

 

[Scotty1976]

Whoever Celerie is he/she needs to get their ass (above or below hips) over here. They is our person!

To the tune of Valerie "why don't you come on over Celerie ?"

 

[Silver Linings]

The tweeter is unaware of the context but this did give me a little smile.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Just want to say, thankyou so much @Peeky_Mink much, @Peeky_Mink fo this morning's entertainment.

This frau needed a good laugh and you have not disappointed.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

NO ONE IS REFERRING TO ANYTHING AS BUTTERGATE!

Correct.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

It’s not even the first result if you google ‘Jack Monroe train’. You can guarantee that if it had happened she’d be selling the tale to a national newspaper with pictures of her best compo face. ‘2013’s 19th best lesbian, Jackie Munrow warns of perils of falling under trains‘.

She has a lot of train incidents & they usually at least make the evening standard.

Campaigner Jack Monroe in f-word twitter spat with train firm

Poverty campaigner Jack Monroe was rebuked by a train company after making a foul-mouthed complaint on Twitter.

www.standard.co.uk

I would love to know who Celerie is my guesses are:

a) Allegra
b) Her brother
c) Anyone who has ever met her

 

[Pocahontas]

So I think perhaps we need to stop worrying about whether or not she is all right (in terms of being in a worrying state). Someone’s clearly all right! But ... is someone writing their book?
Nice work, Veronicaa!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Aha she's just deleted the reply where she said 'thankyou'. Hi Jack!

Appreciate it's a shitty .csv, but got it lol (the RT_flag column doesn't work as it uses something Twitter have since got rid of so pls ignore)

I've been tempted to set up a database on my server that fetches her tweets & stores them every X minutes to capture her full activity. It's perfectly legal, it uses the API Twitter provide to developers for projects like this so she can't have a shit fit over that, to capture the actual life & times of JM and her compulsive lies. Alas got a cutie to look after init, and I actually want to hug mine

I bet the account will be mysterious ly renamed in 5.4.3.2.1...

The user ID is 1246211525301410000 which should stay consistent even if/when she renames

 

[Pocahontas]

I find it particularly interesting how swiftly she deleted the M&S/Ocado tweet. We've said time and again that we totally endorse her having nice things as she has made decent coin from her books and media work (the desire to put work in inverted commas is almost overwhelming, I tell ya).

Jack's merry band of sycophants have probably never even heard of Kwik Save or Netto, and only slum it in Lidl when the 2011 Barolo is on offer, so they'd have absolutely no qualms with her spending her money that way either.

It's almost like it's... an admission of guilt? That she recognises that she is quite literally conning her followers who've donated to the fake povvo fund to buy her airpods and M&S mini rolls on a lazy Friday night in? Someone get Watchdog on the case.

Yes, all that gubbins about her schlepping it down to Tesco on foot with her big glasto rucksack and buying up all the yellow sticker stuff ... while she waits for her Ocado delivery and stocks up in M and S. All while rattling her tip jar.
Jack, you are dizzzzzzzgusting!

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Someone is offering her help on FB at least.

 

[LavaFlake]

Nope. My best pal has autism. He does not act like a thundercunt on Twitter! It's not having a "filter" and controlling what is an acceptable thing... she is coordinating pile ons. She knows exactly what she is doing! People get sent death threats because of her. She has an audience of 250k and thay requires responsbility. If she can't handle that then she needs to delete the account for good.

Having autism does not conflate with acting like a cunt. To say it is is insulting to the millions of autistic people who manage not to do so.

 

[HarderFaster]

Yeah I mean, it's definitely her. She's not very bright but we know that don't we.

It's her, alright... procrastinator extraordinaire.

She's been very active in the last 3 days. She absolutely cannot help herself. Difference being that this account gets next to no engagement from the blue tickers. She must be seething.

Nice to see that when this tweet was sent she was still pleading poverty on her main but apparently managing to order M&S food from Ocado's premium delivery service on her alt. Standard Jack.

ETA - beat me to it, @LavaFlake

 

[PoorPatrol]

I think the mink and the Monrow are both Jack. The fact that the fake acc used terms that we’ve mocked her for, like ‘send doggos’, doesn’t mean it isn’t just some kind of attempt to link it to us. Not necessarily a Tattler.

My personal feelings about crossing over from Tattle, apart from the fact that it’s not allowed, are that it’s totally unnecessary. Anyone with half a brain can see what she’s like. If people can’t use a bit of critical thinking when she spews up pure narc bile 20 hours a day, well then us pointing it out won’t be helpful.

Additionally, whilst I thoroughly enjoy dissecting her lies and grifter bullshit, I don’t think (and I think it goes for everyone else active on these threads) that making her feel unsafe or bullied is ever acceptable.

In summary, ladies and gentleman of the jury, I don’t think the fakes are a tattler. Amen

 

[sarahjay]

The whole “on the national curriculum” thing really bugs me.

I checked with a fellow Frau who confirmed she isn’t on the NC. An extract from her book was used on a sample exam paper for one (of many) exam boards.

According to my Frau, the reason it was used on the sample paper was because the GCSE kids are able to pick out all the language features she uses because it’s straight forward and basic.

Classic Jack exaggeration. Now fuck off.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

It’s not even the first result if you google ‘Jack Monroe train’. You can guarantee that if it had happened she’d be selling the tale to a national newspaper with pictures of her best compo face. ‘2013’s 19th best lesbian, Jackie Munrow warns of perils of falling under trains‘.

She has a lot of train incidents & they usually at least make the evening standard.

Campaigner Jack Monroe in f-word twitter spat with train firm

Poverty campaigner Jack Monroe was rebuked by a train company after making a foul-mouthed complaint on Twitter.

www.standard.co.uk

Oooh those comments had her number 4 years ago! Who is Celerie, and can we invite her for tea?

I saw a woman fall under a train recently. I had disembarked at a rural station when an old woman slipped between the platform and train while alighting. She couldn't see over her mask, so she missed the step, and down she plunged on her Celtic arse, which was presumably not positioned on top of her hips. We are an anatomically savvy people. I ran up toward the driver, waving and roaring in fright, while several local farmers hauled her out like a calf from a ditch - no warrior carry-on required. The oul one then screamed at them to leave her alone, and scurried on to the train in mortification. I doubt she told the story on SM; a prayer to St Christopher and a slug of whiskey would have done the job.

 

[Silver Linings]

She’s still locked so I won’t share but she’s leaving it reactivated but not tweeting. And warned people not to fall for insta fakes either. Yes Jack, SM can be full of fakes.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Genuinely I hope she is okay and getting support wherever she is.

MH disorders can be complex and hard to treat.

Of all her listed disorders I think she genuinely has ADHD as a lot of her behaviour fits there. I have ADHD and I understand chaos only too well. For me that’s in executive function and being organised. For Jack it seems to be impulsive behaviours etc.
Along with that it’s possible she is autistic or she has some kind of personality disorder. I’m not qualified to say what that might be though.

Sometimes I have had concerns despite my irritation with her that we are witnessing a person with ongoing and deteriorating mental health. And that worries me.

Hopefully she has support around her. I know SB’s Dad supports with him but I wonder who actually supports and helps Jack.

Yes my previous post didn’t acknowledge the privileges she has compared with many of us.
I had to go private in the end to get assessed for ADHD as I was getting nowhere in the NHS. They are simply not interested in adults who may have undiagnosed issues like this.
I was lucky enough to afford the private fee as a one off assessment which was several hours of appointment.

Jack doesn’t acknowledge the money she has coming in that allows her to access stuff that most people cannot.

although I think it’s fair enough for someone to use their wealth or successes to improve their lives, this is it- someone like Marcus Rashford or Jamie Oliver will acknowledge their privilege and say look I want to pay this forward while still being able to use their roots as evidence of their knowledge of a situation.

Jack implies in various ways that she is still suffering from poverty and disadvantage and this is simply not true.

I do feel conflicted often posting on tattle because I see that the thread subjects read here and are affected by what’s said. I also see that she does clearly have mental health issues, as do a lot of us here. And I genuinely wish her no malice. I just feel that here we can discuss things openly without any confrontation or invading of space. She chose to come here that day we (the Royal ‘we’ of the cabal) don’t go to her.

People in the public eye asking for money for nefarious reasons need to be monitored and there is insufficient regulation.

her behaviour may be influenced by her ADHD, autism, etc however these may also be being used as excuses. there’s been such a lot of great advice on these threads she could really turn things around. Have a private personal account I’m sure a lot of people inc. Nigella would still follow that and blow off your steam there. Have a large professional account run by management and share any scathing essays you want to go viral via it.

apologies for lack of capital letters I CBA correcting them.

one thing to add is I’m also one who worries about her potentially harming herself in some way, the mentions of CF etc weighed heavy, and I’d like to remind people that we are not to blame. Saying these things is quite abusive really and is designed to just get us to stop discussing the inconsistencies and shut it down. there are an awful lot of very kind people here and I know they are being caused moral and emotional harm by the allegations and suggestions made.

no influencer or blogger needs to read this forum, I’m sure it’s very tempting but it’s a choice.

 

[Ellabella]

I'm actually disgusted she's buying those cheap sausages, with 32% (probably mechanically recovered) meat. And justifying it by saying "well these sausages are better than no sausages". Really honourable vegan ethics there Jack.
ETA: Disgusted because she can easily afford better quality than that when she's not cos playing at being poor.

 

[ClarenceBeakes]

Congratulations to @blurstoftimes for the thread title! A colossal 133 reactions It really IS the blurst of times. Again, your name shall be known to the end of eternity.

Special mention to @colouredlines for Jack Monroe: She Left


Recap of thread #73

1. I’m going to try to be brief for the Brief. Our one, not Jack’s
2. Has Jack Fixed It For You? If so, now’s your chance to write a letter to tell her just how much you love her, and why. And what for. And since when. And who do you love her less than. Literally just send all that shit to her agent’s assistant, who really is dying for the unpaid but worthy job of opening Jack’s fan mail #freenatalia
3. Shit’s gone down in Southend. Some mucky bastard had the literal cheek to put a For Sale sign outside her house. To experience the wild kaleidoscopic ride of those few hours outside an unassuming house on a quiet suburban street, see @kachoochoo ’s epic post here . Bitcoin-a-plenty for you, dear frau, and you have Vlad’s grudging respect until Monday.
4. To cut a long story short, an axe came into play, she howled ‘Heeeeeerrrre’s Jackie’ and took out the For Sale sign. Or, did she.
5. She joked about crowdfunding a house again, a ‘slightly too-small house’ that she could call her very own. She’s done the maths though, and she needs to sell a hell of a lot more books, so link in the bio, folks!
6. Only it’s not, because She Left. Again.
7. No Twitter, no Instagram. Gone up in a cloud of ephemera.
8. But, then she came back, for about five minutes.
9. But, then She Left!
10. <play: Twilight Zone theme tune> <play: The Clash, Should I stay or should I go>

As always, please add any recap points that I have missed.

Spoiler: Jack for Dummies

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:

• She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
• She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
• Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
• Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
• Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
• She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
• During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
• The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

Not had time for any grunka'ing this week, just popping in to say brilliant recap and brilliant thread title. On my way out to a second date (first was last night!) so please bless my pulling pants!