Jack Monroe #74 The 19th most important gay in 2014

[I’MBUSY!]

I agree. We knew that our mother loved us but she could never express that love other than buying us stuff that we didn't want or need. Her upbringing was cruel and dysfunctional and it makes me so sad to think of how she was materially, physically and emotionally deprived. I csn't remember a single moment in my childhood where my mother touched me. My father also grew up in poverty but he was always secure in the love given by his mother. He didn't go in for hugs either, but there were romps and wrestling and laughter. They were both loving grandparents, but only one was tactile. After months of not seeing her I would demand a hug from my mum, which she awkwardly gave. I'm crying as I write this. She didn't ever learn how to show love because that was slapped out of her.

Oh, Malacandra, our Martian Frau...I'm sorry. Your/your mum's experience underlines what makes us all worry for SB and how Jack's behaviour impacts him now and might in the future.

 

[Alansbigplate]

This is completely insane. Slipped under the train? And survived?

Also why does your 'chunky bum' have to be Mediterranean Jack? You're half 3rd generation Greek Cypriot. Seems a bit off and somehow offensive to assume something like that. As lovely as chunky bums are, I have one myself.

And me, I hope. I've been diagnosed with BPD which I am currently disputing with the Health Board, one of the reasons for which is that the psychiatrist based the diagnosis on various points such as suicidal ideation, which apparently is the translation of my statement that "I have never considered suicide; I want my life to be better, not ended."

I have absolutely no follow up whatsoever, not even a booklet on BPD. I originally thought that I possibly had the non-hyperactive ADHP or ADD but I couldn't have that because I wasn't hyperactive . The psychiatrist and consultant considered autism I was told but I was refused entrance to the diagnosis pathway because 'autism had never been broached as a possibility before'... . I was told that Psychology had discharged me after one appointment without informing me, but this was later backpedalled to 'after Covid-19'.... I have no care contacts at all.

I have been off work since February between sick leave and lockdown. Together with Occupational Health, I admitted that my current role was making me severely mentally ill and requested a transfer. I still haven't found another role and there is only another week or less left before the competency procedure starts to kick in. I may appeal for longer to the CEO on the grounds of lockdown. My PIP application papers came today and I'm wondering whether I could afford to go part-time if I get a little something.

Jack has had enormous opportunities which she has wasted. I'm very bad at budgeting too but I have realised that that is a symptom of my illness and sought help. I'm lucky as, though I don't have immediate family and none near me, I do have friends and, at 59, still from school and university. People from past employment seem to have liked me enough to keep in touch and I have a loving religious circle of friends in Wica. I am aware that I have problems and I acknowledge them, and that, Jack, is the first step.

You’re fighting so hard this all sounds exhausting xx

 

[MrsOgre]

And me, I hope. I've been diagnosed with BPD which I am currently disputing with the Health Board, one of the reasons for which is that the psychiatrist based the diagnosis on various points such as suicidal ideation, which apparently is the translation of my statement that "I have never considered suicide; I want my life to be better, not ended."

I have absolutely no follow up whatsoever, not even a booklet on BPD. I originally thought that I possibly had the non-hyperactive ADHP or ADD but I couldn't have that because I wasn't hyperactive . The psychiatrist and consultant considered autism I was told but I was refused entrance to the diagnosis pathway because 'autism had never been broached as a possibility before'... . I was told that Psychology had discharged me after one appointment without informing me, but this was later backpedalled to 'after Covid-19'.... I have no care contacts at all.

I have been off work since February between sick leave and lockdown. Together with Occupational Health, I admitted that my current role was making me severely mentally ill and requested a transfer. I still haven't found another role and there is only another week or less left before the competency procedure starts to kick in. I may appeal for longer to the CEO on the grounds of lockdown. My PIP application papers came today and I'm wondering whether I could afford to go part-time if I get a little something.

Jack has had enormous opportunities which she has wasted. I'm very bad at budgeting too but I have realised that that is a symptom of my illness and sought help. I'm lucky as, though I don't have immediate family and none near me, I do have friends and, at 59, still from school and university. People from past employment seem to have liked me enough to keep in touch and I have a loving religious circle of friends in Wica. I am aware that I have problems and I acknowledge them, and that, Jack, is the first step.

I've been awol due to severe jaw pain, it went from being ouchy mouth/gums to now waiting for a hospital referral and praying there won't be another lockdown.
Forgot to add I should add some glitter to aforementioned jaw and take a selfie for you disgusting lot

Spoiler: Bpd chat

putting this in a spoiler so it doesn't invade the thread too much. Fight this as much as you can, research as much as you can especially as bpd can be misdiagnosed as complex ptsd. I have previously mentioned my stalker here, well I recently found out she went as far as to contact the local mh team many years ago and told them I was a violent criminal. I've no idea why they didn't check this and why data protection wasn't in place at the time but the psychiatrist later diagnosed me as bpd based on these lies. Despite me doing a police sar to prove I am not a criminal, the mh team are firmly sticking to the diagnosis and refuse to acknowledge that they were wrong. The stress has made me ill and thanks to the bpd diagnosis, anytime I seek medical treatment I'm accused of attention seeking, it's the dentist who has made the hospital referral and is giving me treatment. I'm also accused of being impulsive which is hilarious when it took me months to decide to buy a vax carpet cleaner amongst other things. There was no reason at all for me to be diagnosed and one of the psychiatrists involved has recently been struck off for having a relationship with a patient. I am beyond caring if the stalker finds me now after giving away so much information but the bpd/eupd diagnosis needs to be dropped. It's a modern day witch hunt. Jack doesn't have it, she is bordering on psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies but we can't armchair diagnose-unlike her with her own diagnoses! I've had to fight for months to have the criminal accusations removed from my medical records and still fighting, not even sure why they were there even if I was a criminal but just shows the levels that psychiatrists will go to.

 

[Malacandra]

Oh, Malacandra, our Martian Frau...I'm sorry. Your/your mum's experience underlines what makes us all worry for SB and how Jack's behaviour impacts him now and might in the future.

Thank you so very much. Some of what Jack said just triggered horrible grief and remorse that I didn't treat my mother more kindly towards the end of her life because we had had so many false alarms and "crying wolf" and hysterical and controlling behaviour but we loved her so very very much. I think that I have not done the best for my children and that is such a grief. My husband held me and reassured me that we did our best and that I can't change anything now. It hurts so much. I can't judge Jack because who the hell knows what goes on in any family. I think that I may have to leave here.

 

[Harrybosch]

Pitching her to Boris is bonkers...Marcus Rashford would be brilliant and even Jamie Oliver has great recipes some of which cost pennies to make.

Jamie has done far more to help people cook than she has. As have people like Delia. The truth is that if you know how to cook, you can cook cheaply. You shouldn't have to, and food poverty is a real issue, but it's been said many times before, using baked beans on toast and having tinned fruit for pudding or with breakfast is much more sensible than rinsing the sauce off one and combining it with the other.

With her lack of basic knife skills and food knowledge (footnote: mince-gate) and penchant for bizarre flavour combos, she really isn't helping anyone.

 

[Malacandra]

I've been awol due to severe jaw pain, it went from being ouchy mouth/gums to now waiting for a hospital referral and praying there won't be another lockdown.
Forgot to add I should add some glitter to aforementioned jaw and take a selfie for you disgusting lot

Spoiler: Bpd chat

putting this in a spoiler so it doesn't invade the thread too much. Fight this as much as you can, research as much as you can especially as bpd can be misdiagnosed as complex ptsd. I have previously mentioned my stalker here, well I recently found out she went as far as to contact the local mh team many years ago and told them I was a violent criminal. I've no idea why they didn't check this and why data protection wasn't in place at the time but the psychiatrist later diagnosed me as bpd based on these lies. Despite me doing a police sar to prove I am not a criminal, the mh team are firmly sticking to the diagnosis and refuse to acknowledge that they were wrong. The stress has made me ill and thanks to the bpd diagnosis, anytime I seek medical treatment I'm accused of attention seeking, it's the dentist who has made the hospital referral and is giving me treatment. I'm also accused of being impulsive which is hilarious when it took me months to decide to buy a vax carpet cleaner amongst other things. There was no reason at all for me to be diagnosed and one of the psychiatrists involved has recently been struck off for having a relationship with a patient. I am beyond caring if the stalker finds me now after giving away so much information but the bpd/eupd diagnosis needs to be dropped. It's a modern day witch hunt. Jack doesn't have it, she is bordering on psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies but we can't armchair diagnose-unlike her with her own diagnoses! I've had to fight for months to have the criminal accusations removed from my medical records and still fighting, not even sure why they were there even if I was a criminal but just shows the levels that psychiatrists will go to.

That is horrific. Are there any fraus who can advise?

 

[Ninch55]

Oooh, what a good idea. And when we review a cook book... that could come under the Cookclub category!

I’m definitely up for that

 

[Dogmuck]

Sorry if this has already been posted...I’ve been BUSY eating curried pineapple -
Our very own Supernova doing God’s work

 

[kachoochoo]

SPOILER BEING WEIRD SO CAN'T DO BUT THIS RANT IS ABOUT THE KITTEN!

From what I've heard Noel would've shredded her. He has Aspergers and was heavily bullied as a kid. He often says that he just doesn't 'get' people but has an affinity with pets. He has an organisation called One Love (i think) that is campaigning for human and animal medicine to become one entity.
He genuinely considers cats and dogs to be greater than humans. He does not take kindly to humans who unnecessarily prolong the suffering of animals.
He is apparently a lovely bloke, but has a real temper when faced with animal cruelty. If she'd rocked up with a horribly and painfully deformed kitten, which also too young to be taken from it's mother and had a neurological condition, which she'd been torturing by making it walk on its poor little deformed bones...well my guess is he would've lost his tit.
Then add that three vets had told her it was in agony and never get better so only option is PTS BUT SHE IGNORED THEM AND GLOATED ABOUT IT ON TWITTER.
Noel would not have been happy....

*should've said at beginning that I know this because my cousin's kid used to work at Fitzpatrick's x

love noel. didn't know he has asperger's. a former colleague met him at one of his events and he spent a good while chatting to her and was indeed lovely apparently.

at the time of the kitten stuff, there was an account I follow on twitter that did say something along the lines of "the jack monroe kitten thing is really weird". I think they're locked atm, so I won't name them, but it's a trans ally and cat account, so properly her target demographic, so I suppose it's good that they were questioning.

 

[MancBee]

I'm back on the Gunka train again, but had to jump forward to add a comment.

The way she talks about her parents fostering children you would think they did it for free as charity work. Not to belittle the work done by foster carers, but they do get a decent salary for doing so.

They get a tax free payment of circa £25k pa for one child currently, so no doubt equivalent when she was growing up. In addition they get allowances for things like school uniforms, school trips etc. They can even get home improvements paid for to provide accomodation and additional bedrooms.

I am not suggesting that people shouldn't get paid to foster, it is after all more than a full time job, but to suggest by omission that her parents did it for free just sums up R Jackie.

 

[Emmapism]

Me!!!! I’ve read it, loved it @Emmapism

Spoiler: Adam's Book

The ending where he wrote the letter to his Dad after he died?

Floods of tears on the train. I wanted to reach into the book and hug him!

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

I'm back on the Gunka train again, but had to jump forward to add a comment.

The way she talks about her parents fostering children you would think they did it for free as charity work. Not to belittle the work done by foster carers, but they do get a decent salary for doing so.

They get a tax free payment of circa £25k pa for one child currently, so no doubt equivalent when she was growing up. In addition they get allowances for things like school uniforms, school trips etc. They can even get home improvements paid for to provide accomodation and additional bedrooms.

I am not suggesting that people shouldn't get paid to foster, it is after all more than a full time job, but to suggest by omission that her parents did it for free just sums up R Jackie.

It also makes a martyr of Jack - she could have had nice things, but her parents took in other kids so there wasn't enough for her.

 

[Uberrima fides]

I'm back on the Gunka train again, but had to jump forward to add a comment.

The way she talks about her parents fostering children you would think they did it for free as charity work. Not to belittle the work done by foster carers, but they do get a decent salary for doing so.

They get a tax free payment of circa £25k pa for one child currently, so no doubt equivalent when she was growing up. In addition they get allowances for things like school uniforms, school trips etc. They can even get home improvements paid for to provide accomodation and additional bedrooms.

I am not suggesting that people shouldn't get paid to foster, it is after all more than a full time job, but to suggest by omission that her parents did it for free just sums up R Jackie.

I don't mean to be cynical, but they seemed to foster quite a few - must have been a nice regular earner for them. It doesn't cost £25K pa to feed and clothe a child.

 

[MooBelle]

I'm back on the Gunka train again, but had to jump forward to add a comment.

The way she talks about her parents fostering children you would think they did it for free as charity work. Not to belittle the work done by foster carers, but they do get a decent salary for doing so.

They get a tax free payment of circa £25k pa for one child currently, so no doubt equivalent when she was growing up. In addition they get allowances for things like school uniforms, school trips etc. They can even get home improvements paid for to provide accomodation and additional bedrooms.

I am not suggesting that people shouldn't get paid to foster, it is after all more than a full time job, but to suggest by omission that her parents did it for free just sums up R Jackie.

It was mentioned on here somewhere that her parents got a grant for an extension on their house so they had more bedrooms, therefore being able to foster more kids.
As you say @MancBee fostering is highly commendable and I admire anyone doing it, but they are heavily rewarded financially

 

[Oxford_Girl]

She does say she loves him, but that she expresses her love in more practical ways. She def needs to change the language she uses about him/their relationship. Or, ideally, stop talking about him altogether if she can’t manage that. The veering from the kind of weirdly dissociative language she uses in that video to the purple prose she uses about him on SM is really jarring.

The issue is not what we think but what her son might think on hearing it when he is older

 

[I’MBUSY!]

The issue is not what we think but what her son might think on hearing it when he is older

Yes. And if she blows hot and cold with him (as she appears to, from the way she describes him), I imagine that's very disorienting for him. Other fraus have mentioned other of Jack's behaviours which suggest he might have to be on eggshells around her.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

For those of you questioning the veracity of the anatomy aspect of Jack's train story (which we all know is otherwise completely credible), I'll have you know she had a full body scan done while she was at A&E for her severely broken eye socket.

 

[bazzam]

That was some side eye swas giving Giovanni at the beginning! I only watched until the doctorates were mentioned (at least JM had the good grace to say they were honorary)

I 100% don’t wish her any harm either. I won’t type something here that I wouldn’t say to her face, I don’t talk about her son and try to remember at all times that her big problem with us is based on her unwavering need to control the narrative and delete things she wishes could disappear completely out of sight and out of mind.

I think she knows DKL could have been the springboard for great things (even though she knows the way she got that was appalling) and her frustrations at that are being pushed in other directions rather than addressing her own behaviour.

I’ve always felt I can be honest here so you guys know that I’ve spoken about my MH problems. I find it really frustrating that people seem to find it easy to play that card to offset personality defects. I’m not a head to anyone but me. This week has seen the end of NHS psychology sessions (CBT over the phone) and two days prior, the Psychiatrist said that changing my medication won’t make much difference. So that leaves the ball in my court really, which is a daunting prospect when you already feel like you’re existing and going through the motions. I live with my husband and SB and don’t have anywhere to go but if we were separated I would sometimes encourage SB to stay with him a bit longer because even though he’s only 4 and autistic, I worry a lot about the impact on him.

But whatever else, I know I’m as honest as I can be, I try hard and I take responsibility for my tit. Maybe part of JM’s frustration with here is we’re complete strangers who come on here and can bear our soul and support or be supported. For whatever reason, I’m not sure she has much of a support network and that’s a shame.

ETA: VIPeeeeeeeeeeeee

got to say her time on dkl reminds me of myself in some job interviews. a right bag of shivering nerves.

 

[Mustard]

Yes. And if she blows hot and cold with him (as she appears to, from the way she describes him), I imagine that's very disorienting for him. Other fraus have mentioned other of Jack's behaviours which suggest he might have to be on eggshells around her.

It was awful hearing her complain about him coming to her for cuddles.

 

[Oofadoofa]

It was awful hearing her complain about him coming to her for cuddles.

When did she do that?