Southend Echo
Thursday, 17 September 2020
The sign of the times?
It was mid-Thursday morning when Jack Munroe, a single mother in Southend, glanced out of her large bay window and saw something terrible.
‘A For Sale sign’, she said, pointing to the bewildering object, her hands still shaking from the shock. ‘I don’t know why it’s there, or where it’s come from.’
Could it have been an error, this reporter enquired, by one of the town’s many estate agents? But Munrow, 42, was adamant. ‘I just stepped out of my door, and there it was,’ she insisted, blaming the phenomenon on a mysterious group of ‘malign vicious bullies’ who criticise her every move.
‘I just want a real home for me and my boy,’ Munroah whispered, wiping her tears on a vintage Vivienne Westwood traazer suit. With a determined look on her face, Ms Munroe then proceeded to wield her John Lewis axe and in two fell swoops, chopped down the offending For Sale sign.
Once the sign had been dealt with, Ms Monroe was last seen disappearing into her impressive two-storey house, muttering something about ‘furious wasps’ and that she was in need of ‘a cuppa’. When this reporter asked if they too could have a cuppa, entry was blocked by three Smeg fridges and the words ‘Get to absolute duck’ were issued from behind the thick net curtains at the front of Ms Munroe’s house.
Therefore, citizens of Southend, beware. The signs may appear in YOUR front lawn. What could they mean? From where do they come? It might be time to invest in an axe of your own.
Artist’s impression of the scene:
Yessss!! I could write a book on this topic. ‘I’m whacky’ circa 1992=absolute prick.
