Jack Monroe #69 I can see clearly now the make-up’s gone

[People-huv-tae-know]

Did y'all hear? Jack done gone cracked the good ole US of A.

⁰

 

[Malacandra]

This is a very specifically worded tweet. Note how she didn’t say ‘today marks xxx day since I stopped drinking alcohol’, but is qualified first with ‘noticed I had a problem and quit’, So subtly moving the goal posts whereby the mere noticing of the problem is the actual achievement (and possibly using ‘quit’ in the past tense).
She’s not stupid. She can receive acclaim now, as ever stretching the truth by omission, whilst leaving the door open for a big reveal should that particular engagement/excuse ever be needed.

God it’s horrible trying to second-guess a narcissist.

Astounding deduction my dear Oofadoofa

My point is not about supplementing the size of the portion, but rather serving up frozen chips with mashed potatoes. Stodge. Each to his own, I suppose.

Fair enough, although I think that you will find that stodge with stodge plays an important part in our culinary history e.g. savoury pies or puddings served with potatoes, fish and chips with mushy peas and bread and butter, crisp butties, pie barms, curries with rice and naan and parathas and poppadums ...

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New Jack is so polite and welcoming.

Old Jack: Holy tit Del that looks so much better than anything I’ve ever plated up Thankyou now get to absolute duck x

And it still looks like a dried-out crappy mess

 

[Fiddledeedee]

Things I hate:
#makingmemories
momma/mumma/mom/mama
emoji (smug bastard)
She’s triangulated me and got into my head.
If she mentions holibobs I’m out of here.....

#blessed is nails on chalkboard for me

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

 

[Malacandra]

Exactly. She could have taken him to Edinburgh, made some real memories. Bet going on the sleeper would have been really exciting for him.

Has she EVER mentioned taking her child anywhere? They live by the sea - where are the happy seaside memories? It's an easy train journey to London with all its free wonders. My mother used to pack a picnic and take my children off on adventures which often just meant getting on and off buses. They were thrilled! I sometimes piled the kids and their friends in the car and asked them to take turns in choosing whether to go left, right, straight ahead, etc. That was before the days of satnav and we had tremendous fun discovering new places and then figuring our way back home.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Jack really needs to come with a warning. Innocent people with no BS detector are at serious risk. I wonder, when Jack looks into the mirror is there a reflection or just a patch of well blended eyeshadow hovering roughly where an eye should be? I've got to stop hacking Jack's camera roll for now though or else she will 🔺️ me and force feed me slop before telling me to now fuuuuuuck off.

 

[NellieBoo]

Ned Flanders territory, can you imagine!?

Okily Dokilly .

 

[Pigman]

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#makingmemories
#mrsdoubfire

Thrice

 

[Christina31]

 

[Cookiecookie]

I have just suffered a Monroe-esque injury to the face. Taking my kid to a pool party, spring loaded pool gate slammed right into the side of my nose. Looking for make up suggestions to enhance the giant lump that has now appeared there. Send doggos too

 

[Captainmouse]

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*puts down kombucha*

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Someone call jimmy

 

[cedarpeach]

I keep thinking of Kerry out of This Country in the episode where she’s scamming two dinners a night. She mentions her neighbours thrice cooked chips - “she doesn’t cook them once. She doesn’t cook them twice. She cooks them THRICE”

 

[Captainmouse]

My point is not about supplementing the size of the portion, but rather serving up frozen chips with mashed potatoes. Stodge. Each to his own, I suppose.

Don’t forget the bread

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Someone call jimmy

Jimmy Djokovic told everyone he had the ‘Rona but I have it on good authority he was exhausted from being brought into too many episodes of Jackanory....

 

[ClarenceBeakes]

I will never forget "bubbly milk"


I reckon that it's many months since them thar taters were peeled.

Bubbly milk was hunderby? Also the awesome Julia Davis, though.

 

[emmer_moans]

I have just suffered a Monroe-esque injury to the face. Taking my kid to a pool party, spring loaded pool gate slammed right into the side of my nose. Looking for make up suggestions to enhance the giant lump that has now appeared there. Send doggos too

Oh noooo, hope it doesn't hurt. May I recommend a highlighter pallette and a photoshoot in A and E? Seriously though, hope you are ok.

 

[Pocahontas]

This new Rootin' Tootin' (hootin') Jack is equal parts horrifying and hilarious. I actually can't quite believe it's happening.

She's like a real-life version of one of those characters Julia Davis plays - Jill Tyrell in Nighty Night, the girlfriend in Camping or the sociopath in Sally Forever. I never knew people like that actually existed, but clearly they do and thrive rather well in the Twitter/Instagram realm.

Julia Davis is an actual goddess, isn’t she? I love her. She’s so full of talent and wit for creating these dark and wretched creatures who are depraved and soulless in their every machination, using people for their own gains ... so I can see the connection

Bubbly milk was hunderby? Also the awesome Julia Davis, though.

You are right - bubbly milk was indeed Hunderby.
‘Whip it! Harder, faster! Ah! That’s what I call bubbly milk’

 

[housemouse]

Caveating this comment as I still think she’s awful, I hope New Jack means less pile ons for those who happen to disagree with her.
Also there are some great US writers wring about food stamp cookery this one is an oldie but isn’t all cheese and jello

 

[Limey]

Has she EVER mentioned taking her child anywhere? They live by the sea - where are the happy seaside memories? It's an easy train journey to London with all its free wonders. My mother used to pack a picnic and take my children off on adventures which often just meant getting on and off buses. They were thrilled! I sometimes piled the kids and their friends in the car and asked them to take turns in choosing whether to go left, right, straight ahead, etc. That was before the days of satnav and we had tremendous fun discovering new places and then figuring our way back home.

The point isn’t #makingmemories though, is it?That’s what a good parent does, no matter how little money they have to spare.

But Mackie is just using her kid as a prop for whatever is her plan for this week. This week she’s a wholesome stay at home momma, raising hr boy on a budget with Disney films and home cooking. And NO PROFANITY or doing chaos.

It does seem pretty clear that Edinburgh was a fishing expedition, so she had either got some wealthy Edinburgher in her sights as Mrs. Jack number 5, or it was designed to show Louisa that she was v v independent and desirable after SHE LEFT (hence the thirst pics in her bra).

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Zen mama my prediction fraus: She’ll pack the boy off to school next week and channel her inner FOD and #reno the shed and turn it into a zen room. I wonder if we’ll get some new thirst pics for the texas huns?