Jack Monroe #65 Green gages and ham

[Harrybosch]

I'm struggling to type this, but her latest offerings don't look too bad to me. Obviously not restaurant quality food, but I'd eat those potatoes, courgette and I think even the pasta looks ok.

The salad looks all wrong, but I think I'd give the mushrooms a taste. I have had this boiled/fried combo before at a friend's house, and it was good (though not so good that I've ever made it myself. I follow Jamie's method of frying until all the natural water evaporates and them frying some more to get them crispy).

Please don't hate me, cabal!

She gave that same answer during the Hellmanns thing too didn't she? Must have been during the potato salad segment. Someone asked what potatoes to use and she said it didn't matter, any potatoes

As a lover of potatoes, this hurts my heart.

 

[Billybellend]

Boiled mushrooms.

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That looks like someone’s sneezed on liver.

 

[crystaleyesd]

Tbf, I'd probably eat all the stuff she put out yesterday (apart from the greengage tar ), but as many people have pointed out, she's supposed to be a professional and this just looks like your average home cook photographing her dinner.

And like @Lanie says, she's trying to produce 'cheffy' food but using bog standard ingredients which just doesn't work most of the time - I don't believe she doesn't know the difference between waxy and floury potatoes, she's just doing the thing she does with risotto rice (it's SNOBBY to buy separate rice) because she thinks poor people can only afford one variety. Maybe that's true in some cases, but don't trick them into thinking they'll get crispy parmentier potatoes from a bag of Charlottes - direct them to a delicious potato salad recipe instead.

 

[Fiddledeedee]

That looks like someone’s sneezed on liver.

Must remember not to come on here before eating!

 

[Billybellend]

Do people actually eat in bed? I get the ocassional breakfast in bed or meal if you're very unwell but just in general.

Learn something new everyday.

Yes, absolutely. I’m just waiting for the boiling hot pan of porridge to cook, before plonking it in the middle of the bed for the family to share. Doesn’t everyone do that? Take hot pans to bed?
Oooft.

 

[MarthaFarkus]

I know I’m about 20 pages behind but that ‘jam’ how has she made a living from being this tit at cooking? Jack of Greengages - the ultimate grifter.

 

[Pigman]

Another

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Another

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Is she channelling a JO x N lovechild ffs?

 

[IndigoStar]

Just seen this today and it’s exactly the kind of thing that JM should be writing rather than fabricated memoirs

 

[Britney Spiers Morgan]

Thread title suggestion:

22 hours a day writing a poverty memoir, lest we forget 10 years ago she was poor

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I would love to see her on this. My money would be on the talented amateur every time..

 

[IndigoStar]

View attachment 227386
I would love to see her on this. My money would be on the talented amateur every time..

But she shan’t go on it as she’s not a chef!

 

[Emmapism]

I know I’m about 20 pages behind but that ‘jam’ how has she made a living from being this tit at cooking? Jack of Greengages - the ultimate grifter.

Jack of Greengages for the next thread title !

 

[MooBelle]

Who were the other three people she served the potatoes to? She really should tell us. We get it Jack, you've got friends . As for the courgettes, she has cooked them in lemon juice and finished them with orange. What is she meant to be doing? Cooking a simple vegetable or trying to turn them into an ice lolly? How much pepper does this woman go through? There will be a national shortage soon which originated in Southend.

So she invited people round, cooked food, fucked around photographing food, then served presumably freezing cold?!!!

 

[Ellabella]

Why on earth would you microplane halloumi?The point of halloumi is the texture and firmness, griddled, with herbs/spices and oil and the flavour comes from the smokieness of the grill. She is trying to reinvent things that don't need messing with to prove she's such a wacky maverick. But she's just an infuriating twit.

 

[colouredlines]

This is the chef version of boiled mushrooms:



It's quite an involved process. She...has not done that.

Weird menu. Nothing goes together. Her potato/halloumi/carbonara statements - and her followers' reactions - really make me believe that when Michael Gove said that Britain was tired of experts, he had a point...

 

[emmer_moans]

Have done a 20 page Grunkalunk.

Yes it was a bit dreary and cold yesterday, yes I too moaned it was cold. I *could* have put the heating on but in my house it is a bit of a slippery slope once it is "on" for the season so we usually spend September wearing jumpers and fluffy socks. Yesterday was the day the fleece blanket came out for the season but it was too hot under it after 5 mins. I see with Jack, the Elevenereeth is back, though. "Jumper mate? I've aleady got 11 layers of polar exploration thermals on, 17 pairs of socks, a ski mask, blah blah blah, but it is AUGUST, I am fewwwwmin!"

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Jack I think you'll find it is 'ouchy mouth', not 'mouth ouches'... [Insert emoji of sassy nail painting]

 

[MooBelle]

It'll be this one.

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We log everything

Ah dear @Marmalade Atkins have seen/read the Hogfather?
Death has a library of all the souls in the world. They're kept in glass jars. Millions of them and there's a couple of scenes where Death walks round looking for a particular soul.
That's basically how I imagine you finding all these archived tweets!!!!
Please tell me it's true.....

I hate pandas. Frigid monochrome bastards, taking up all the conservation money and attention.

Ah, me too. I bloody hate pandas.
I know that makes me sound heartless, but i have reasons!!!
If pandas weren't cute and fluffy no one would give a tit. If they were a bug, or a fish or scorpion or something ugly then they would be extinct by now.
They are not in the food chain, they have no positive impact on the environment. Also, they are soooooo boring. They just sit there....
Plus the Chinese government has spent billions on them whilst committing some human rights atrocities that other countries ignore.

Ah thanks Cabal, i love having a little rant every now and then!!!

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

No, is should be a lovely light pink, or light greenish colour.

My Plum jam tends to be a dark purple pink ish colour

She's ordered stuff from Waitrose Ocado recently, hasn't she?

Would have been able to get Waitrose Greengages from there earlier in the week.

 

[crystaleyesd]

I don't think she invited anyone round. She followed a recipe that 'serves four' and insinuated she ate the lot herself cos she's a GREEDY GOBLIN

 

[NP]

I don't think she invited anyone round. She followed a recipe that 'serves four' and insinuated she ate the lot herself cos she's a GREEDY GOBLIN

That’s what I thought she meant too. Another example of her “I eat so much! Don’t judge me! Think I might have dessert too. Haha”

Now duck off.