Jack Monroe #64 One hand refreshing Twitter, and the other one playing the piano

[NP]

 

[Peanutbutterandbanana]

greedy goblin. I love rice and definitely eat too much of it

The bowl isn't that big. They are the Sophie Conran ones. I've seen them in John Lewis and I'm certain that's the cereal bowl size not some massive one as she says it is. Sick of hearing her go on about portion sizes. It makes me anxious about my eating and I'm sure it's the same for others

 

[Lanie]

Inside, outside, garage, shed... could be anywhere.

Has she gone into the Twi-shite
zone I mean the Twilight zone?

View attachment 225238View attachment 225239View attachment 225241
Ps please may I speak at your festival of tins?

Erm she's keeps plugging her books just tell the woman how long to pickle flaming beans. It's hardly big secret. She's so irritable. Best not to ask for her advice she just tells you to read her book.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Whenever she wishes people goodnight she's usually still tweeting three hours later, so I expect we're in for a late one tonight.

 

[HarderFaster]

View attachment 225328

For someone who, just yesterday, was criticising the "senseless violence" of the military it seems strange that she should be taking a book by a centrist Labour MP about his experience in the military to bed with her.

Honestly, her politics are just so bad.

 

[Pocahontas]

The magic number amount of books as well.

 

[Aug1977]

Will you lot all get out of my song lyrics and Moon Phase niches?

When I look back upon my wives (well, they would have been)
It's always with no sense of shame
I've never been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too



It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bin
It's a bin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every shop I've ever been
Everything I've ever blended, too
In the bin



At school they taught me how to be
Truthful in thought and word and deed
I didn't quite succeed
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too



It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bin
It's a bin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every train I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to
It's a bin



Patreon, forgive me, I tried not to do it
Turned over a new leaf, then tore right through it
Whatever you paid me, I didn't admit it
Tattle, you fought me, 'cause I didn't care
And I still don't understand



So I look back upon my life
Never with a sense of shame
I've never been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too



It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bin
It's a bin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every Cotswold I've ever had
Everywhere I'm going to - it's a bin
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bin
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bin

This is epic

 

[Lanie]

Is she alone? But, but she never said....? Please stop wallowing, I get it your sad, but if it's really over its time to just start getting yourself back to normal. It sounded like it ended amicably enough if not alittle abrupt but just move on. What will be Will be.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Hi Jack, about time you came up with a new barely-concealed-misogynistic name for us saaaaad little hausfraus/coven of mavens because we reclaimed that tit

 

[Silver Linings]

The magic number amount of books as well.

Yeah I don’t get that at all! I miss reading but even when I was reading books like a greedy reading goblin I still could only manage one at a time. Does she open them all and read a page each?

ETA - I’ve dipped in and out of books and I suppose have been technically reading a few at a time, but not literally and physically. More timey wimey stuff.

 

[Veronicaaa]

The spine hasn't even been cracked.

 

[Mel Donte]

the maverick apple doesn’t fall far from the maverick tree *tom cruise sunglasses*

Maverick greengage, surely?

 

[Aug1977]

The film would have been great, I can see it now. Ruby Rose sliding down the pole in full firefighting gear. Miserably being measured by a tailor for her passing out parade, Michael Caine bent at her knee with a tape measure. 'Traazers? On a bird?' He spits out his cigar in disgust. 'Chief likes a broad in stilettoes.' Etc..

This type of gold is why I can’t stay away from these thread

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Ah, simultaneously reading and tweeting. One of her more brilliant skills, as beautifully demonstrated during the DW trials.

 

[Silver Linings]

Enjoying her books, clearly.

For context, she’s absolutely HOOTING at this.

I wouldn’t get too excited, Squigs.

 

[Pocahontas]

This type of gold is why I can’t stay away from these thread

I agree - it was sublime. The ‘traazers’ really got me.

 

[MrsOgre]

SHE LEFT. Now duck off.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I'm all caught up now and it seems I'm not the only one
The thread has been great tonight, Jackie is on top performing form. 3 books, a yes absolutely, more lies, new slop and a photo of it? Fraus we have been spoiled! I wonder what phase the moon is in

Since you are reading here Jack, constantly mentioning on sm that you are alone is not very sensible when you have a 'stalker'.
Also re Cooper's nose as if those mice are attacking him constantly. If this was a reoccurring problem then surely you would get him to the vet since mice can transmit many diseases including zoonotic ones which the cat can give to you. Or if you are inferring it is the invisible bramble plant then you need to block his access to said plant in order to allow his nose to heal once and for all. Also you really need to buy a couple of decent nail brushes, one soft and one coarse. Don't forget a vegetable brush for all those earthy legumes you have diligently harvested from your crappy 'bungalow's' garden. It's good practice to clean your veg whether home grown or shop bought. Since you are a non Maine Coon owner and grubby nailed gardener Google Legionaires disease and Leptospirosis. Also thread worms if you have a strong stomach. Then read a nice book called Coronavirus For Children with lovely illustrations by Axel Scheffler for further information on washing your hands Jack. Hand hygiene has never been more important.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Greengage chat.

Small restaurant chat.

 

[Tabitha D]

Why is she so nasty View attachment 225298

FFS she is such a witch.