4 Instagram posts today?! <faints>
I’d say we’ve been spoiled today fraus, but it’s all really boring shite
I’d say we’ve been spoiled today fraus, but it’s all really boring shite
Jack Monroe #64 One hand refreshing Twitter, and the other one playing the piano
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I recently bought my own flat and don't have a garden. But I'm not all woe is me about it. I never mention it. In fact I think this is the first time I have anywhere, to anyone
The chip on Jack's shoulder is massive and shaped like a house
I’m annoyed that though she’s left some of her camera roll on the bottom of one of the photos it’s only boring pics of fiddy cent snuffling in the undergrowth and not a load of secret thot shots
Nik naks. Southend.They are going to be featured in the next postcard aren't they?
I’m so embarrassed for her with her pinned tweet. It’s nearly a month old. The world has moved on from your poverty porn opus.
Such a perfect statement. If you imagine Bryan Blessed reading it out it's even more perfect!
Jackie and her nan drama PART 2
We begin with a scene all fraus are intimately familiar with - the soft caress of a whisper from a man into the lugs of our heroine: "Wow, if it isn't Jack Monroe! Your blog saved me LITERAL PENNIES!". It turns out this young gentleman isn't your average Sainsburys shuffling creep, but actually a tattoo artist and he's offering Jackie a discount!
Oops, my bad, Jack has actually come to the parlour to get a tattoo done of her nan's scissors. In what is surely some SERIOUS creative liberty, Jackie turns down the discount because she can afford full price now what with all her fame. In a completely normal exchange, the tattooist tries to talk JM out of a sale (come to think of it, maybe that does ring true), but she is adamant. Her nan hates ostentatious public shows of affection so getting a tattoo in her honour is definitely the way to win her over, right?
Back to Jack's nan again, who is biting off some poor worker's head because she DARED offer her a cup of tea (can really see where JM gets her snappiness). She's appearing on this radio show "only to stick up for Southend - cos someone has to!"
*extremely boring chat about Southend pier* Apparently you can exchange sex for a bag of chips down there...
Jack's nan again. Apparently Jack was more closeted about being a christian than anything else, and nana was trying to set Jackie up with a boy from church by inviting him over for tea cooked by JM's own fair (filthy) hands. But pizzas were an absolute no-no because "talking about yeast is tempting fate" Why anyone would have a conversation about yeast just cos they cooked some feckin pizzas is anybody's guess... She then insinuates he must be gay cos he's a vegetarian - Jackie's nan sounds like a real peach
We're now up to Jack Monroe: the pants and bra years. She's working in a club because "this is the age to do things...so why not?". Ngl our Jackie needs a serious imagination upgrade if working in a Southend club is the extent of it. Then she comes out....snore....gets a job with the fire service....snore....even Jack's bored by this point and is apparently wandering around Southend wringing her hands and wailing like a banshee for some entertainment.
But what's this! She bumps into veggie Tom and he's been turned over to the dark side by whiffing some kippers (apparently not a euphamism), although of course Jack assumes it's her who turned him? She offers to make it up to him by cooking him mushroom stroganoff, and he asks to help. "Sure," our heroine replies, "I'll do the rice and you do the rest." Way to wriggle out of doing the sodding cooking again Jack - bravo! Although she instructs him in squeezing a (REAL!) lemon which makes the sound of a wet fart... are we salivating yet, fraus?
Tom is opening his heart to Jackie and she's...actually listening?? But QUICK as a flash, she turns the conversation round to herself, and how SOLONELY she is. She tries to drag ol Tom out to "search for adventure" but Tom hates clubbing so she takes him "down to the end of the pier" - to exchange him for a bag of chips one can only assume.
~FIN~
We begin with a scene all fraus are intimately familiar with - the soft caress of a whisper from a man into the lugs of our heroine: "Wow, if it isn't Jack Monroe! Your blog saved me LITERAL PENNIES!". It turns out this young gentleman isn't your average Sainsburys shuffling creep, but actually a tattoo artist and he's offering Jackie a discount!
Oops, my bad, Jack has actually come to the parlour to get a tattoo done of her nan's scissors. In what is surely some SERIOUS creative liberty, Jackie turns down the discount because she can afford full price now what with all her fame. In a completely normal exchange, the tattooist tries to talk JM out of a sale (come to think of it, maybe that does ring true), but she is adamant. Her nan hates ostentatious public shows of affection so getting a tattoo in her honour is definitely the way to win her over, right?
Back to Jack's nan again, who is biting off some poor worker's head because she DARED offer her a cup of tea (can really see where JM gets her snappiness). She's appearing on this radio show "only to stick up for Southend - cos someone has to!"
*extremely boring chat about Southend pier* Apparently you can exchange sex for a bag of chips down there...
Jack's nan again. Apparently Jack was more closeted about being a christian than anything else, and nana was trying to set Jackie up with a boy from church by inviting him over for tea cooked by JM's own fair (filthy) hands. But pizzas were an absolute no-no because "talking about yeast is tempting fate"
Why anyone would have a conversation about yeast just cos they cooked some feckin pizzas is anybody's guess... She then insinuates he must be gay cos he's a vegetarian - Jackie's nan sounds like a real peach We're now up to Jack Monroe: the pants and bra years. She's working in a club because "this is the age to do things...so why not?". Ngl our Jackie needs a serious imagination upgrade if working in a Southend club is the extent of it. Then she comes out....snore....gets a job with the fire service....snore....even Jack's bored by this point and is apparently wandering around Southend wringing her hands and wailing like a banshee for some entertainment.
But what's this! She bumps into veggie Tom and he's been turned over to the dark side by whiffing some kippers (apparently not a euphamism), although of course Jack assumes it's her who turned him? She offers to make it up to him by cooking him mushroom stroganoff, and he asks to help. "Sure," our heroine replies, "I'll do the rice and you do the rest." Way to wriggle out of doing the sodding cooking again Jack - bravo! Although she instructs him in squeezing a (REAL!) lemon which makes the sound of a wet fart... are we salivating yet, fraus?
Tom is opening his heart to Jackie and she's...actually listening?? But QUICK as a flash, she turns the conversation round to herself, and how SOLONELY she is. She tries to drag ol Tom out to "search for adventure" but Tom hates clubbing so she takes him "down to the end of the pier" - to exchange him for a bag of chips one can only assume.
~FIN~
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Today's catch up had me HOOTING like a barn owl
babes. SameSeeing that greengage photo all I can think of is that it has been taken with her tongue
Oh dear, I can't bring myself to listen to those episodes. But so I'm clear, has someone actually made some kind of radio drama about JM's life? Featuring June Whitfield?! Am I living in the Upside Down?
@crystaleyesd you are an absolute legend. I do not have the tolerance levels required to put myself through more than 1 of those episodes - and you have only confirmed that it continued to be a load of old pish!
I think you will find is a large portion of Rock and Chips, or a saveloy. Apparently.Jackie and her nan drama PART 2
We begin with a scene all fraus are intimately familiar with - the soft caress of a whisper from a man into the lugs of our heroine: "Wow, if it isn't Jack Monroe! Your blog saved me LITERAL PENNIES!". It turns out this young gentleman isn't your average Sainsburys shuffling creep, but actually a tattoo artist and he's offering Jackie a discount!
Oops, my bad, Jack has actually come to the parlour to get a tattoo done of her nan's scissors. In what is surely some SERIOUS creative liberty, Jackie turns down the discount because she can afford full price now what with all her fame. In a completely normal exchange, the tattooist tries to talk JM out of a sale (come to think of it, maybe that does ring true), but she is adamant. Her nan hates ostentatious public shows of affection so getting a tattoo in her honour is definitely the way to win her over, right?
Back to Jack's nan again, who is biting off some poor worker's head because she DARED offer her a cup of tea (can really see where JM gets her snappiness). She's appearing on this radio show "only to stick up for Southend - cos someone has to!"
*extremely boring chat about Southend pier* Apparently you can exchange sex for a bag of chips down there...
Jack's nan again. Apparently Jack was more closeted about being a christian than anything else, and nana was trying to set Jackie up with a boy from church by inviting him over for tea cooked by JM's own fair (filthy) hands. But pizzas were an absolute no-no because "talking about yeast is tempting fate"
We're now up to Jack Monroe: the pants and bra years. She's working in a club because "this is the age to do things...so why not?". Ngl our Jackie needs a serious imagination upgrade if working in a Southend club is the extent of it. Then she comes out....snore....gets a job with the fire service....snore....even Jack's bored by this point and is apparently wandering around Southend wringing her hands and wailing like a banshee for some entertainment.
But what's this! She bumps into veggie Tom and he's been turned over to the dark side by whiffing some kippers (apparently not a euphamism), although of course Jack assumes it's her who turned him? She offers to make it up to him by cooking him mushroom stroganoff, and he asks to help. "Sure," our heroine replies, "I'll do the rice and you do the rest." Way to wriggle out of doing the sodding cooking again Jack - bravo! Although she instructs him in squeezing a (REAL!) lemon which makes the sound of a wet fart... are we salivating yet, fraus?
Tom is opening his heart to Jackie and she's...actually listening?? But QUICK as a flash, she turns the conversation round to herself, and how SOLONELY she is. She tries to drag ol Tom out to "search for adventure" but Tom hates clubbing so she takes him "down to the end of the pier" - to exchange him for a bag of chips one can only assume.
~FIN~
I’m living for it i don’t understand how she managed to write (?) or contribute to a radio play of her life and now be working on an autobiography? It’s already written, no? Unless it needs extensive rewrites because of the pure LIES
i don’t understand how she managed to write (?) or contribute to a radio play of her life and now be working on an autobiography? It’s already written, no? Unless it needs extensive rewrites because of the pure LIESI think the lies would be blocked by the family so it would be a much shorter book and if it was pure truth, a big act of self harm. IMO obv.I’m living for it
What the feck is she doing with that magnifying glass. Crikey, the last thing we need is any magnified shots of the nails
ETA: perhaps the end of the b&w shots is representative of the end of the dark days of burnout. She's BACK and BUSY, witches!
Now, time for another nap.
Crikey, the last thing we need is any magnified shots of the nailsETA: perhaps the end of the b&w shots is representative of the end of the dark days of burnout. She's BACK and BUSY, witches!
Now, time for another nap.
As they've been left too long on the plant and dried, you take the beans out, put them in a brown paper bag and replant them next year, as there's not enough to make a meal from there.
Bloody waste. If they'd have been picked regularly, there would be tons of the things.
Why is she asking Twitter what to do with the effing beans? Isn’t that supposed to be her department??
That would have worked for Mr D Tuesday night if he hadn't have insisted the chippy was closed forever before getting them, so I was more wanting to blow his head off with a shotgun than blow him.
And I'm still either in the first symptoms of menopause or up the bleeping duff. I favour the former as significantly more likely. Particularly as he doesn't buy me chips that often.
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