Jack Monroe #60 Everything I do, I do it for ... ME!

[LavaFlake]

Jack's short story. I'm really bored at work lmao.

Jak trudged her weary feet through the dreary supermarket, her heart aching with the guilt of a million evil goblins, due to her severe misfortune.

"You wouldn't understand," she whimpered at the vicious, classist, mean cashier. Who had rudely enquired why Jak's trolley was groaning with the weight of one hundred tins of beans. Each tin was to represent her loneliness, she was to pile each one up, photograph the rich shadows cast across woody surface of her sideboards, watch the dark envelope the light, nothing had been the same since she left.

She left.

Loneliness, Southend.

It still sent shivers of sadness throughout her despondant might, but yet, she was hopeful.

"Hello love, you're that Jak Mulrow off the Twitter, aren't you love," a lecherous old man leered in her ear, she received the hated looks and comments every day. Why her? She couldn't help being such a pixie, it was so unfair, so sad, so tragic.

"Leave me alone, thankyou!" she screeched, her foot making contact with the dull thud of a solid shin.

And then.

Her saviour. The shop's fluorescent light bathed her skin with an ephremal glow, her hair more red than fox's tail, her eyes flashing with rage. She grabbed Jak by her waif-like arm. They ran together, through the crowded aisles, her soft fingers pulling her along past the bottled lemon, the mint/parsley/rosemary combination, and then through the door. They still ran their fingers entertwinned, Jak shocked at the beating of her hopeful heart and how she felt alive!

"I didn't introduce myself," her hidden saviour said once they had finally stopped their swift escape. "I am Mary Portas. And you are the most beautiful, smart, deserving woman in the world. I have admired you since your potatoes."

And they forever scampered across each other's dear hearts, never cycling, and went to many outdoor festivals in the beautiful five bedroom cottage they crowd funded.

Fin. x

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Ah we are back on track, thanks Jack, just in time for my relaxing nightcap. In the words of my brother (who is a genuine trans person), she is just a chancer and bandwagon jumper. My brother is ftm and had to fight hard and for years just to get a GP to refer him. This was followed by a year of counselling and therapy. Then testosterone injections done at the GP every month for the rest of his life. Then surgeries over two years following that. He has been himself, a man comfortable in his own skin for over a decade now.

There was less info online back then and the trans community was much smaller. It was very much on the fringes of society and very misunderstood. He was ostracized by some family members and not accepted as male. Indeed he was referred to by his former name out of spite.

By and large most trans people just want to live a quiet life and be accepted as who they are. But there is a small pocket of radical trans activists and supporters who are seeking to erase women and our hard won rights and safe spaces. Both my brother and feel the new proposals (which would allow Cis men to declare themselves as trans before seeing a Gp, a specialist or recieving counselling) would set a dangerous precedent and put at risk the most vulnerable members of society.

The radical activists see it as a black and white issue when in reality it is extremely complex. Counselling is the most important part of the process and can help to identify other issues as being the root cause (body dismorphia for e.g.).

Now there seems to be more discussion around trans issues in the mainstream but some people are misguidedly deciding for their children or starting the hormones far too young. There is a lot of room for regret if it is started too soon. I was a tomboy as a child for example, hated dolls, played with cars, cut my hair short, wore boys clothes etc. As an adult I am a woman, quite feminine now with long hair, did the ultimate female act of having babies, breastfed them, have female orientated hobbies and generally love being a woman. I would hate to have had a parent decide to transition me.

Anyway back on topic, Jack does not have a clue. She can't commit to anything and I would put money on her starting up an argument with thin air as well as coming back to haunt everyone with pointless outrage, arguments and slop!

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Well, the self-imposed exile from twitter's going well.

Wasn't she alluding to walking into the sea, like reggie fucking Perrin, ten minutes ago? I can't keep up with her bludclart tomfoolery.

Her repeatedly saying “I’m about to leave Twitter for a while” is like when I say to my husband “this is the last thing I’m going to say on the matter”....

 

[ClarenceBeakes]

Sounds like the beginning of an erotic novel. She lay down on the damp grass her lip quivering as the cusp of the storm became a crescendo. She rubbed her hands over her skin shivering with was it anticipation no, excitement.

Don't even joke about it.

'Jack looked out of the window of her shabby coach as it drew closer to Allegra Hall. Her bosom quivered involuntarily as she wondered what the lady of the house would make of a poor wretch as herself. From a poor family from Southend, for shame.

Lady Allegra was waiting to greet the coach. She had cruel, thin lips but a certain, affluent-as-fuck beauty. Jack found herself crossing her legs despite herself, and her by now seething mound and prolapsed labia recalled how she had been deflowered by Walliams the gamekeeper, when she was but a mere lass of seventeen. In the shed. Next to the pizza burner. What memories.

"Are you the new cook?", asked lady Allegra. In a very middle class way.

"If it please your ladyship, I'm Jack from Southend. Here to make my fortune and escape the awkward questions about my actually very posh family."

"Very well. Take your things to the scullery and report to Oliver the housekeeper when you've done so."

Jack had never curtsied before but she did so now - and brilliantly. '

Etc.

 

[acca00]

And how did Jackie get her job at the fire service? With help, advice and a foot in the door from her middle-class, middle-aged Daddy.

 

[Pocahontas]

How did she bugger her loaf tin? By cooking a cod fillet in it for fifteen hours during her cultural odyssey in Edinburgh?

 

[Alansbigplate]

Christ she only baked a cake she’s not been down the mines

 

[Anonymous One]

Attributing the works of literary greats to the women that wrote them is not dead naming. Those women paved the way for future female writers. Charlotte Brontë didn’t change her name by deed poll to Currer Bell because she fancied a change/didn’t feel feminine/any other reason. She had to do it because her first works were dismissed (using the words ‘literature cannot be the work of a woman’s life’).

Jack doesn’t realise the immense privilege women today have because of the pioneers of literature (along with politics, art, science etc). Yes we’ve still go so far to go but just over a century ago a woman could actually be admitted to an asylum for practising the arts. Comparing herself to them is not only laughable (‘potatoes’ isn’t exactly Wuthering Heights), it’s bloody disrespectful to every woman who had to publish under an assumed name.

 

[moglits]

HIYA CABAL.

Nothing much to say other than I couldn’t sleep last night and fell down a Jackie rabbit hole.

I may be wrong but I don’t think this beauty has been shared on the threads (apologies if it has).

Reminds me of what I considered frightfully erotic and frankly awful poetry I wrote my ex-girlfriend when I was 17. Clue is in the age.

Also, unfortunate analogy. My love is like garlic. Microwaveable?

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

It’s terrifying, but I think young girls are persuaded to transition because they hate the idea of becoming a woman and the issues that opens them up to. I’m in my 50’s, so grew up in the 70’s, and was a typical tomboyish girl for that time. I liked outdoor things and animals and so on, I wasn’t “girly” at all - and that was pretty normal back then. When I started to “develop”, at about 13, I was still a little girl really but suddenly was having to deal with constant comments and harassment from boys and older men and I was just not equipped to deal with it. I mean, it was incessant. I absolutely hated it and at the time I would have given anything not to be developing into a woman. If the “easy option” of shutting it all off and becoming a boy (although that is of course not biologically possible) was available at the time, I’m sure I’d have taken it. I think this is what is behind the flood of young girls wanting to transition. Boys always seemed to me to have the best of everything, they just waltzed through life being fawned over by mums, grandmas, teachers, everyone, while we (even as young pre-teens and teenagers) were dealing with a quite different reality, constantly having to fight off sleazy predators, having to modify our behaviour in case we made a man angry - and violent, a very real fear - and being made to apologise if we dared to complain about a sleazy older relative or family friend.
The real issue of course is male behaviour - and ultimately violence - towards women. But somehow there doesn’t seem to be any general desire to address that. And so I don’t blame young girls for wanting to opt out of womanhood - however misguided.
(Sorry I know this is all a bit off topic).

similar for me - except there was some extra influences in my life.

I had three much older brothers (my sister had left home/run for the hills on her 18th birthday with her daughter, getting married to avoid our mother 'keeping' her baby). My mother always said she only liked boys, girls were rubbish. And I wanted to do the things my brothers did - comic books, films, motorbikes, fixing things and generally having fun (especially with the animals) rather than playing with baby dolls. As we were, to put it mildly, neglected and abused, I hated having long hair due to the daily rage-ripping of her dragging a brush through my hair with anger and resentment in every scratching rip, often culminating in my being walloped across the top of the head or being deliberately dragged backwards by it. I wasn't bought dresses as I 'wasn't pretty enough' to have them. On the other hand, I was also ridiculously smart and good at music, much to everybody's surprise (and my mother's eternal disgust), enjoyed art, completely obsessed with wildlife and animals and had no contact with anybody stereotypically feminine, as in make up, nice clothes, etc, after my grandmother died. My friends at school were boys because they saw the same films and played games I understood. And I'd fight rather than cry to a teacher about somebody being mean to me - because being hit was the normal. Naturally, the girls saw me as weird and not like them, so they were mean or just not interested in me.

My mother's reaction to all this 'You're not a girl. You're a BOY'. At the same time, she'd stop me from doing things because 'Girls don't...'. Things like have computers, ride a bike outside, go swimming, get good jobs, go to university and become a vet working with large animals, etc, etc. Girls just got married and had babies if anybody liked them. Which was apparently highly unlikely for me, as I was ugly, clumsy, too smart for my own good, argumentative, etc, etc.

As I got older, everything about being a girl or woman looked shit. Lower pay, having to wear uncomfortable clothes, doing what everybody told you to do, looking after kids (when 'looking after' anything with less than 4 legs was something I had no idea about - the one person with that job in life clearly hated every moment of it). Then, by 10, there was the risks of being female in public - creepy men, older boys assaulting you and nobody caring, lower pay, violence, the lot.

The moment I started my periods, my future seemed to collapse.



What would I have done if transitioning were available at the time? I'd have grabbed it with both hands.

 

[Tabitha D]

Really really don’t want to be insensitive here but I agree with this. I’ve not seen the documentary but from my own experience of having a daughter in secondary it’s scary how girls of 11 and 12 are desperate to be seen as different. Several of my daughters friends declared themselves as lesbian then a small group of them wanted to be seen as trans. I was quite shocked by this really, absolutely support any child or parent going through this but clearly with this group it was a phase or a desire to be seen as an individual, I don’t know. It does make me worry about childhood and how quickly they grow up but also in a time of TikTok, snapchat and Instagram where they go to announce their sexuality or gender identity before fully knowing themselves it’s really quite frightening.

Sorry if I’ve been offensive.

It’s terrifying, but I think young girls are persuaded to transition because they hate the idea of becoming a woman and the issues that opens them up to. I’m in my 50’s, so grew up in the 70’s, and was a typical tomboyish girl for that time. I liked outdoor things and animals and so on, I wasn’t “girly” at all - and that was pretty normal back then. When I started to “develop”, at about 13, I was still a little girl really but suddenly was having to deal with constant comments and harassment from boys and older men and I was just not equipped to deal with it. I mean, it was incessant. I absolutely hated it and at the time I would have given anything not to be developing into a woman. If the “easy option” of shutting it all off and becoming a boy (although that is of course not biologically possible) was available at the time, I’m sure I’d have taken it. I think this is what is behind the flood of young girls wanting to transition. Boys always seemed to me to have the best of everything, they just waltzed through life being fawned over by mums, grandmas, teachers, everyone, while we (even as young pre-teens and teenagers) were dealing with a quite different reality, constantly having to fight off sleazy predators, having to modify our behaviour in case we made a man angry - and violent, a very real fear - and being made to apologise if we dared to complain about a sleazy older relative or family friend.
The real issue of course is male behaviour - and ultimately violence - towards women. But somehow there doesn’t seem to be any general desire to address that. And so I don’t blame young girls for wanting to opt out of womanhood - however misguided.
(Sorry I know this is all a bit off topic).

 

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to @acca00 on another thread title! 54 reactions


Recap of thread #59
It’s mostly been All Quiet On The Western Front Southend Seafront.

Jack received some flowers from ‘John’, a lovely message from Vie Aesthetics and channeled Bryan Adams for SB. And looky, looky - she’s also increased the price of her Patreon tiers

Most recently, she did a drive-by shout past Twitter to publish her newest poverty manifesto. She was fizzing like a Maverick Southend Gangster Poverty Rapper and just Had To. I might have just coined that phrase. You can get that trademarked if you want, Jack

Last update: If anyone dares to republish her books under her former name in the event of her death, she will do a raging twitter thread from beyond the grave. And nobody wants THAT.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Saint_clemmie]

In "woke-land" detransitioning is the great unspoken. There's evidence now that most trans are adolescent/teenage girls - who think they're trans when they are not - it's a phase. The overwhelming majority are girls - but you only see male-to-female on the news and in the media. But this doesn't fit the trans activists' agenda, so you have to minimise it or dismiss it. There was a documentary last year by an Irish woman - it was Channel 4 - and it was truly shocking.

Really really don’t want to be insensitive here but I agree with this. I’ve not seen the documentary but from my own experience of having a daughter in secondary it’s scary how girls of 11 and 12 are desperate to be seen as different. Several of my daughters friends declared themselves as lesbian then a small group of them wanted to be seen as trans. I was quite shocked by this really, absolutely support any child or parent going through this but clearly with this group it was a phase or a desire to be seen as an individual, I don’t know. It does make me worry about childhood and how quickly they grow up but also in a time of TikTok, snapchat and Instagram where they go to announce their sexuality or gender identity before fully knowing themselves it’s really quite frightening.

Sorry if I’ve been offensive.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Does anyone have a third of an egg I could use?

Use a quails egg #ladeedahlarder

 

[Veronicaaa]

You could always .... make one for your kid?

 

[Silver Linings]

Good Food for Bad Days, in stores now.

 

[LavaFlake]

THOT SHOT KLAXON

I feel like this is the wrong kinda vibe to hook another wealthy mid 40s partner? It's all a bit low brow isn't it± Also is that the return of the stretchy underwear?

I don't know what's more tragic, her taking these on self timer or making her son take them.

 

[NP]

Jack, 3 hours from now, desperate for some engagement .... 'what's your favourite, errrrr, colour?!"

Jack, my favourite sandwich is that mayo one you got at least £10k to make on Instagram.

*chef’s kiss*

 

[Pigman]

That's because you understand language. When someone asks whether a photo was taken in your garden/house/tent they actually don't give a shit who owns it. The question is 'did you take that pic in your garden or are you at your mum's/on hols/etc.' A writer, you'd think, might understand this.
Here's a shocking revelation- I have a number of friends and acquaintances and I don't know whether they own or rent. It just hasn't come up in conversation and I don't care.

Really people don't care, we have some very well off friends and some not so but enjoy their company equally. We are lucky and have a bungalow owned and adapted by the council to allow for our REAL disabilities. It's quite funny watching people's faces when we drop the social housing 'bomb'into a conversation but they rearrange their faces and we carry on. I despise divisive behaviour and this is what she does, she reminds me very much of a female Turkey I hatched and reared, she would go up to two males quietly getting on and wind them up to fight before walking off to go and piss off someone else. She also used to go behind me and attack me so we ate her.