Jack Monroe #60 Everything I do, I do it for ... ME!

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Recap of thread #59
Itā€™s mostly been All Quiet On The Western Front Southend Seafront.

Jack received some flowers from ā€˜Johnā€™, a lovely message from Vie Aesthetics šŸ¤” and channeled Bryan Adams for SB. And looky, looky - sheā€™s also increased the price of her Patreon tiers

Most recently, she did a drive-by shout past Twitter to publish her newest poverty manifesto. She was fizzing like a Maverick Southend Gangster Poverty Rapper and just Had To. I might have just coined that phrase. You can get that trademarked if you want, Jack šŸ˜‰

Last update: If anyone dares to republish her books under her former name in the event of her death, she will do a raging twitter thread from beyond the grave. And nobody wants THAT.
 
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Who the duck would bother to republish her books in the event of her death? You know when you catch sight of pictures from 1970s recipe books and you think ā€œChrist, that looks revoltingā€ well, you get the same vibe from her slop fest books.
Her ego knows no bounds.
 
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For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ā€˜s ā€˜Jack for Dummiesā€™ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.

For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9

*** JACKISMS ***

Jackā€™s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

ā€˜Babe, sameā€™

ā€˜I did a chaosā€™

ā€˜My maverick brainā€™

ā€˜My sad little faceā€™

ā€˜Iā€™m BUSYā€™

ā€˜I HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā€™

ā€˜I laughed up a lungā€™
šŸ„“
One of Jackā€™s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā„¢ļø. *She also recently referred to us as ā€˜gossip mavensā€™ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*

To ā€˜GrunkaLunkaā€™ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so thatā€™s what we mean by that.

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itā€™s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ā€˜RIP Vivā€™ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinā€™s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ā€˜horse spunkā€™ - there may be some horse ā€˜spiritā€™ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ā€˜Thank you so Matt much, Mattā€™, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ā€˜Now duck offā€™. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackā€™s own genteel humour.

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackā€™s words: ā€˜She [Louisa] leftā€™.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ā€˜It just does.ā€™

Here is a link to Jackā€™s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ā€˜Terrible!ā€™ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ā€˜s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donā€™t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
 
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Who the duck would bother to republish her books in the event of her death? You know when you catch sight of pictures from 1970s recipe books and you think ā€œChrist, that looks revoltingā€ well, you get the same vibe from her slop fest books.
Her ego knows no bounds.
Its the Orwell comparisons to 'potatoes'. (Some of which came from blue tickets that I had previously thought were a bit more clued up).

They've really given her delusions of adequacy.

Speaking of 'potatoes', has the cast for the musical of 'potatoes' been announced, yet?
 
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Attributing the works of literary greats to the women that wrote them is not dead naming. Those women paved the way for future female writers. Charlotte BrontĆ« didnā€™t change her name by deed poll to Currer Bell because she fancied a change/didnā€™t feel feminine/any other reason. She had to do it because her first works were dismissed (using the words ā€˜literature cannot be the work of a womanā€™s lifeā€™).

Jack doesnā€™t realise the immense privilege women today have because of the pioneers of literature (along with politics, art, science etc). Yes weā€™ve still go so far to go but just over a century ago a woman could actually be admitted to an asylum for practising the arts. Comparing herself to them is not only laughable (ā€˜potatoesā€™ isnā€™t exactly Wuthering Heights), itā€™s bloody disrespectful to every woman who had to publish under an assumed name.
 
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She is a bit of a Wally, even if I do myself. I'd love one of the literal greats to meat oscar wild or George Orwell's. They would be dumb founded they really would . Also stop with the northern irish talk, please. It's my home so I am allowed to say it, your mum is from Belfast you are English be proud of your heritage. also so I would it like nails to a blackboard to me ssshh.....
 
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Congratulations to @acca00 on another thread title! 54 reactions šŸŽ‰


Recap of thread #59
Itā€™s mostly been All Quiet On The Western Front Southend Seafront.

Jack received some flowers from ā€˜Johnā€™, a lovely message from Vie Aesthetics šŸ¤” and channeled Bryan Adams for SB. And looky, looky - sheā€™s also increased the price of her Patreon tiers

Most recently, she did a drive-by shout past Twitter to publish her newest poverty manifesto. She was fizzing like a Maverick Southend Gangster Poverty Rapper and just Had To. I might have just coined that phrase. You can get that trademarked if you want, Jack šŸ˜‰

Last update: If anyone dares to republish her books under her former name in the event of her death, she will do a raging twitter thread from beyond the grave. And nobody wants THAT.
Same old tit from Jack in the box, then šŸ˜…
 
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Not a ā€˜detransitionerā€™ and yet, started to transition to male, but is now ultra-femme.
She said in an interview that she has permanent hairs on her chin now, from the testosterone she took.
 
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