Everyone I know over there who is young or has teenagers, were out taking photos themselves. But of course, SB is tucked in bed with his teddy by 7, or something stupid, isn't he?
Jack Monroe #573 Close your Patreon, you thieving liar
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'Pre-made recycled 500ml bottles?' As opposed to what? With the time she took to write that she could have made herself a fresh glass.
I don't understand why she couldn't just go outside and look up at the sky? Same with her kid, if he's at all interested? Are they living underground? Are they under curfew?
That’s nice, Jack. Given the decade-long “dream to go there” he’s had since he was four years old and you dragged him back to Southend when yet another of your relationships went tits up, maybe you and “your boy” can go and see them for yourselves in the Tanzanian night sky. Kill two stars with one chicken, so to speak.
Or maybe in another story you can be Scout and Jem visiting with Miss Maudie Atkinson and chatting about her scuppernong arbor. In that one, you and “your boy” can just set a spell together rocking and fanning on an imaginary porch talking to fictional elderly ladies and admiring the forever hydrangeas,
Also, as if Chocco and Ev didn’t have enough to contend with while huddled around/warming their hands on a flickering garden solar light in a dark and freezing attic, spooning sustenance out of a shared can of CHEAP cold beans (while their cherry cheeked children and dozens of glittering eyed consumptive feral urchins slumbered fretfully in their dormitories downstairs) turns out they also had this tit to deal with from child-Jack
Every interaction she describes with him doesn’t sound like she’s ever met a teenager. Even the best behaved, nicest teenagers drive you mad occasionally.
The only photos I look at with mine are Oscar’s/met gala so we can take the piss out of people.
The only photos I look at with mine are Oscar’s/met gala so we can take the piss out of people.
Ffs @Valiofthedolls
Kill two stars with one chicken, so to speak.
Too bleeping soon.
ETA just wondering if she has several moleskine notebooks where she records all of our in-jokes caused by her stupid behaviour, scribblings and outbursts over the years?
Kill two stars with one chicken, so to speak.
Too bleeping soon.
ETA just wondering if she has several moleskine notebooks where she records all of our in-jokes caused by her stupid behaviour, scribblings and outbursts over the years?
Cannot stop eyerolling at the “my boy” she keeps spouting, as if she’s a stiff upper lipped firm but fair Eton-and-Oxford-educated chap sat in some porch gigantic Downton-esque inherited country pile circa 1910, promising the kid she sees for 1 minute a day when the nanny brings him in after bathtime and before bed “My boy, one day this, your great-great-great-great grandfather’s pocket watch, and this grand house, estate, the village, and all its tenants shall be yours!” Effing Nitwit.
Anyway, can’t wait for the next installment.
Anyway, can’t wait for the next installment.
If it’s anything like our street where the front porches are glass boxes, then in my experience it’s pensioners who I suspect keep a detailed log of every neighbour’s comings and goings
(Next door neighbour spends most of the day out there and she can tell you what time No 92 got their shopping delivered).
Why would a boring old coke hag need a rehydration formula? 
She's a bungalow full of tit but couldn't spend any money on her only child to fulfil any of his dreams.
She is sitting on 100k worth of furniture, watches, jewellery and other shite. And she couldn't book a wee Highland getaway for her son. She has had more substantial lump sums in her life than most people (Hopkins trial, kickstarter, nigella boost, Sue Lee, HH2) and not once could she buy something fantastic for her child. She's had more holidays than the people she claims to write her slop books for and not once did she take her son with her. This is the woman dripping with kate spade bags, breitling watches, tiffany jewellery and designer clothes. Her son is not a priority, he is a grifting tool for her and comes way down on her list of priorities. He will know it too
It's ok. Her son in common with most teenagers, no doubt, probably has no interest in seeing the northern lights. Jack, herself, has already implied he CBA to look at them.
Ja-aaaaack! Question 
Is elderly Randy RAF Olive or elderly Tatler-collecting-royalty-loving Gladys the same elderly woman who gave you the pianoforte?
Cos am imagining if it was the latter it was a highly polished grand piano with lots of family photographs in silver frames, a small sherry and a tiara propped on top. And if it was the former it was an old Joanna from a Cockernee pub where the pearly kings and queens used to have a right old knees up around it.
Anyway, hopefully (even though they don’t exist) none of the above fictional elderly ladies were this elderly lady who ended up in the grim situation of living “rent free” in your grandad’s foul slum after “running into difficulties” and was then handed off onto your dad to “look after”. Let’s hope to duck this one was fictional, eh?
How on earth can she not understand how awful this (and all the other stories she told about those vulnerable tenants) sound? Spoiled cosseted provincial brat.
Is elderly Randy RAF Olive or elderly Tatler-collecting-royalty-loving Gladys the same elderly woman who gave you the pianoforte?
Anyway, hopefully (even though they don’t exist) none of the above fictional elderly ladies were this elderly lady who ended up in the grim situation of living “rent free” in your grandad’s foul slum after “running into difficulties” and was then handed off onto your dad to “look after”. Let’s hope to duck this one was fictional, eh?
Unless she’s talking about THE POVERTY when, faster than you can say John Steinbeck, it’s the brutal realities of depression era dustbowl USA
Or the bleakness of Cormac McCarthy’s (prize winning) post-apocalyptic vision
duck I was sitting with my old Harold there and the gasp I let out made him think I was having some sort of stroke.
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@Valiofthedolls you nearly murdered me with “pianoforte” I had to leave the room before MR G phoned the lady DR.
Besmirch lolJa-aaaaack! Question
Is elderly Randy RAF Olive or elderly Tatler-collecting-royalty-loving Gladys the same elderly woman who gave you the pianoforte?
View attachment 2930721Cos am imagining if it was the latter it was a highly polished grand piano with lots of family photographs in silver frames, a small sherry and a tiara propped on top. And if it was the former it was an old Joanna from a Cockernee pub where the pearly kings and queens used to have a right old knees up around it.
Anyway, hopefully (even though they don’t exist) none of the above fictional elderly ladies were this elderly lady who ended up in the grim situation of living “rent free” in your grandad’s foul slum after “running into difficulties” and was then handed off onto your dad to “look after”. Let’s hope to duck this one was fictional, eh?View attachment 2930724How on earth can she not understand how awful this (and all the other stories she told about those vulnerable tenants) sound? Spoiled cosseted provincial brat.
I’m pretty sure she worded it that way in order to stress her thriftiness, lest anyone think she’s been buying bottles of hydration drinks or simply buying empty bottles. Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if she had been buying those glass bottles with the reusable stoppers (I don’t know what they’re actually called, I always think of them as Grolsch top). Like mason jars and those dinky little glass milk bottles (which I know she does have) they’re the kind of twee shite she’d have for no particular reason other than the aesthetics.
Hard to see the sky when you're so far up your own arse, I guess.
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