Jack Monroe #568 Things Jack doesn't understand - Gaslighting, Gas heating, Gastronomy

[YerDa]

Evening just saw on Twitter that Jack was back - and I fully believe it’s a direct response to this from LJC that was posted last night- note the “our” garden & the child in the photo is LJCs partners child. Meanwhile Jack is still where she is with her dog!
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I’m doubling down on my theory of “Lou” in Laurie Lou being “Louisa” now because that’s how pitiful guest is.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Someone had tweeted the cream thing at her before she immediately passed it on as her own insight.

Comments Club member: I saw the sun rise this morning.

Jack: Yes, a massive ball of flaming gas that travels on an orbit and appears in the west to shed its deliciously golden beams upon us all every day. I ran around on the beach once when it was shining down, I've never forgotten that.

 

[Nonah]

“I’m going to a wedding but some cruel people on the internet have said my haircut makes me look like a member of a Fascist gang from 1930s Europe. Should I try to disguise it with a nice fascinator (haha geddit FASCIN… never-mind) or should I wear a wig? Will people think I’m trying to upstage the bride if I wear a crown? In case it helps my outfit is a homemade dress I made out of my son’s clothes.”

 

[Potatoes O’Houlihan]

Inane ramblings of a washed up grifter.

how soon can a thread title be nominated?!

 

[Geetbo]

I see the not at all obvious Jack sock on that mumsnet thread did not find Jack as Fish amusing. Good.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I bet she would do a speech - to be fair, I wouldn't judge her for that, I insisted on doing a speech at my own wedding too

Her wedding speech would be something like "I'm finally getting married! In your face Borb, Jenny and Piotr. I'll show you, burger flipping teacher. Look at meee ex fiancés, see I am marriage material. Big Chocolate Daddy, I'm a bride at last, float me down the aisle on your Harley D. I'm the most beautiful, punk tattooed, bride ever. I'll have the last laugh."
Obviously, it will be a very modest speech.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I love the way you added willingly because it suggests she’s such a thief she would genuinely try and steal your piss steam.

Piss Steam Soup (5p)

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I'm never sure if the "live" part is accurate or of it's a projection based on what it thinks might happen over the next 24 hours based on current activity, but I see the comeback's going well, losing four followers for every tweet.

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The more she tweets the more people realise they are following her and unfollow.

Your followers like you best when you say nothing at all.

 

[moglits]

I'm not a dick in a frog bonnet, and I own no cats. I am a curator of obscure animals, currently training a pack of wolverines for hunting purposes.

Sorry I'm late to the jokes, I lost my beautiful big boy Pooh Bear last Friday and am still coming to terms with not having my best friend holding my arm or foot while I scroll Tattle.

Lots of love to you MaineCoonMama. You provided such words of kindness to me when I lost my girl, and they remain with me still. Your beautiful boy will always be with you as long as he is in your heart. I hope my Pepper is showing him the ropes somewhere.

 

[Laqueen]

She has just been reminded on Twitter that she doesn’t drink milk due to a “fluctuating lactose intolerance” so drinking gold top milk by the pint probably isn’t a great idea.
Why the pointless lies

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Well, at least now we know what the bride upstager’s been up to all these months she’s been in hiding.

You tell her, mumsquigs!

 

[BeardyBap]

The Bluebell Wars have inexplicably reminded me of this pearl from Steve Coogan’s aging roadie Tommy Saxondale:
“Suzanne Vega, Alanis Morissette, Tori Amos: great singers. But come on girls, let it go. We’ve all been dumped.”

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

What the fuck is a fishing gig?

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Imagine putting how many GCSEs you have on your Wikipedia page.

I stopped putting mine on my CV when I was 21...

Has she put her swimming certificates and Tufty Club membership on it too?

 

[MurielSnark]

That’s what make me When watching the DKL clips… she’s not good on screen

That's what happens when, instead of actually buckling down and learning the craft (preferably through a reputable college or even a decent apprenticeship), a person just observes their girlfriend at work and thinks that a kooky headscarf and an assortment of implements dangling over the cooker will magically transform one into a chef.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I actually am still genuinely shocked she pretended online to be an actual firefighter. I mean I don’t know how she wasn’t cancelled for that.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Ugh I did a proper shudder seeing guest had copied LJC's post. So creepy

 

[Nurseali]

When I was about 19 I went on a work trip with women much older than me to Blackpool. We all just drank steadily through the day.

I will never forget watching the woman I had sat opposite for six months who I thought was a bit boring piss into a Coke can perfectly. Not a drop was spilled.

I should thank her really as never drank full fat coke again after that.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

“OH FUCK OFF, I really am shy and retiring. I really, really am.”

Desperate attention seeking unemployable talentless twat.

 

[RandomFishOils]

Brilliant, I hope she comes up here for a match. I’m going to get my posse (Laz and Kebab Girl) and stand outside wherever it is the Reds do football with placards saying “Jack Monroe is a glory hunting poverty tourist who robs the poor”. Or maybe just “Jack Monroe is posh and robs poor ppl”

“Jack Monroe is a Tory who reads The Sun” should do it.