Jack Monroe #567 Wibble wibble, little mouse, thief who tried to grift a house

[MooBelle]

A cacophony of cacophonies. Marauding like hams, cats, imaginary cats, obsessive fantasists and troublemakers, crockery et al. View attachment 2864335View attachment 2864334View attachment 2864336View attachment 2864342View attachment 2864343View attachment 2864344View attachment 2864345View attachment 2864346But NOT ginormous eucalyptus trees
View attachment 2864347

She has a strange skill set.
She has this utter arrogance and confidence about words that she uses In the wrong context that makes you doubt your own knowledge.
I mean, I know what cacophony and marauding mean but after reading this gobshite I'm starting to question my own internal dictionary.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

She has a strange skill set.
She has this utter arrogance and confidence about words that she uses In the wrong context that makes you doubt your own knowledge.
I mean, I know what cacophony and marauding mean but after reading this gobshite I'm starting to question my own internal dictionary.

Are you saying that your internal dictionary has just been dragged out of a thorny hedge. Occupied by badgers. In a thunderstorm?

Or occupied by pandas on crack?

The canal SHALL protect all frauenkind from the hyenas of fear, humiliation and self-loathing!

The cleverer she tries to sound, the more she just demonstrates to everyone how generally perpendicularly stupid she is.

 

[RandomFishOils]

Qmlan
Seriously, look at this nonsense. I know firemen and firemanladies aren't always the stuff of novelty calendars, but there is no way on earth any of this lot are rescuing you from a burning building. Does a height restriction apply for the fire service? Not one of them over 5ft 3 and couldn't hold themselves up in a mild wind.

Also, I know it's late but are there any grown ups around for a new Fred?

There aren’t any height restrictions, but you must have a manual driving licence, be physically fit and have C or above in GCSE English and Maths, so guest fails on at least two of those (I’m not sure if Maths and English were among her sprinkling of qualifications, and if the fat back/smoking photo was anything to go by, she didn’t look fit). However, while false eyelashes are a no-no, it doesn’t say anything about lip fillers, so she’d be OK there.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

There aren’t any height restrictions, However, while false eyelashes are a no-no, it doesn’t say anything about lip fillers, so she’d be OK there.

View attachment 2864365

Phew! She can ride retained after all!

Oh, wait…

From @NellieBoo and @Veronicaaa

 

[Nottonightbabe]

There aren’t any height restrictions, but you must have a manual driving licence, be physically fit and have C or above in GCSE English and Maths, so guest fails on at least two of those (I’m not sure if Maths and English were among her sprinkling of qualifications, and if the fat back/smoking photo was anything to go by, she didn’t look fit). However, while false eyelashes are a no-no, it doesn’t say anything about lip fillers, so she’d be OK there.

View attachment 2864365

That would be a bit of a shitter wouldn't it, your eyelashes going up while navigating a burning building.

 

[rage naan]

I am a smol angry Easter cake decoration. I am believably crap enough to have actually been on a genuine guest creation. I may have been served to the outlaws along with several of my friends including

Slopula the Vampire Slug

A mini egg with a crack in

some droppings

some dirt

and a leaf that got run over

Shall I have a go at a new thread? I've not done it before but how hard can it be. Right?
---
All right lads here's a new thread

let's see if I've done this correctly

Jack Monroe #568 Things Jack doesn't understand - Gaslighting, Gas heating, Gastronomy

Thread title by @ForgettyBetty , nominated by @MurielSnark. Congrats both. Betty wins a potato and Muriel wins some beans, in honour of a suspected Jackpost on the place where mothers go on the internet. Last thread...

tattle.life

 

[RandomFishOils]

She lives 2.5 miles from Shoeburyness Fire Station, her nearest on-call station. As a retained firefighter, if her bleeper goes off, how is she supposed to get there without a car? Even with a car, she’d struggle to get there within the requisite five minutes. You’d think that the silly cow would know this after all her time seeing “a lot of bleeping fires”.