Jack Monroe #567 Wibble wibble, little mouse, thief who tried to grift a house

[TrolleyParton]

Thread title by @Valiofthedolls, nominated by @EnglishRoseIrishRover. You both win a burned off CD copy of Jack and Billy Bragg's Greatest Povvo-Cosplaying Hits.

Thread 566 was a long one as Jack is still mercifully quiet apart from half-assing learning her 1/8 native language, Greek, on Duolingo and maybe setting up a friends and family private Insta. We still don't know what happened to the Sue Lee money, if she has moved or what income she is living on. Wiki up above for any newbies!

ETA should of course also have linked to previous thread - https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-566-set-flavours-to-none.44317/

 

[griftalo]

 

[MurielSnark]

Excellent thread title ninnies!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Here’s a top five most asinine things she’s ever told the world via her brainfarting in the Guardian.

Or five asinine things anyway. There are a lot of contenders for her greatest idiot hits.

Spoiler: What. A. head.

The time she let everyone know what a prematurely middle aged prick she was at 25.

WITH A kewl SWAGGER for the firefellas!

The howling and clawing into the Mean Streets of West London.

The time she’d never made a lasagne so rummaged through one to learn that lasagne consists of meat, pasta, tomato and white sauce.

The INSTANT head-abacus impossible to describe process that is described as being just like Roald Dahl’s Matilda.

And without fail every single time the thin-skinned moron went BTL to argue with people in the comments on her bylines is everywhere, and made a total twit of herself bringing us such evergreen greats as:

Leggy’s not a millionaire

Depo-Provera (to be precise).

AND the time she was a LITERAL EXPERT in risotto because um…she’d been to Italy on her holeeedays THREE TIMES with Ol Leggy.

I KNOW RISOTTO! I’VE BEEN TO ITALY (x 3) with Leggy, a chef who used to work at was fired from The River Cafe. So GET FUCKED.

 

[TrolleyParton]

I've been to Barcelona like 11 times and yet not once have I made paella, never mind become an expert paella chef. Am I doing holidays wrong?

 

[I'm not actually here]

She really is the g(r)ift that keeps on giving. With all this is it, or not, Kate? thingy going on, I wondered whether she could become one of these lookalikes? I mean, she never looks like herself so maybe she could (try to) earn dosh looking like every other fucker?!

 

[Carefree]

I've had some dealings with FBU and that comment made my insides squirm, @Valiofthedolls. Not forgetting the brains of Britain deciphering that really hard recipe of lasagne that's never been shared by any nonna - ever.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

She really is the g(r)ift that keeps on giving. With all this is it, or not, Kate? thingy going on, I wondered whether she could become one of these lookalikes? I mean, she never looks like herself so maybe she could (try to) earn dosh looking like every other fucker?!

Spoiler

 

[BeardyBap]

Spoiler

View attachment 2830265View attachment 2830266

It’s SO weird this one, because she’s presenting a recipe for kids along with some cartoon mice and her attempt at a fun and charming smile at the end comes out full SmugTrump. No rapport with children whatsoever.
Thank Christ she never did a Jackanory, she’d be up there as nightmare fuel for a generation alongside the Public Information Films and the Child Catcher.

 

[moglits]

It’s SO weird this one, because she’s presenting a recipe for kids along with some cartoon mice and her attempt at a fun and charming smile at the end comes out full SmugTrump. No rapport with children whatsoever.
Thank Christ she never did a Jackanory, she’d be up there as nightmare fuel for a generation alongside the Public Information Films and the Child Catcher.

Oh Dearheart, but there was Jackanoshy!

JACKANOSHY, The Recipe Reading Corner by Jack Monroe. Episode 1: Cannelini Beurre Blanc, from Tin Can Cook

Dear readers – it’s been a busy week for me! And I have a few things to share with you all – so buckle up, because there’s a lot to take in. Last week I was invited onto ITV…

web.archive.org

Is there still video evidence of that monstrosity in circulation…?

 

[griftalo]

 

[MurielSnark]

View attachment 2830318

bravo @griftalo

 

[I'm not actually here]

View attachment 2830318

Shallow gravy, surely?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I've been to Barcelona like 11 times and yet not once have I made paella, never mind become an expert paella chef. Am I doing holidays wrong?

Maybe make it just like your Italian Spanish “Norn Irish” Mama used to make it?

Spoiler: RISOTTO. IS. RICE!

TOUCH GRASS!!!

Spoiler: Literal Felonies Against Food. WARNED.

Turns out, this claim of hers might not be true

let us all give thanks there is no photo of this one. bleeping charlatan.
Roasted beetroot, red wine and Brie risotto

 

[MurielSnark]

Maybe make it just like your Italian Spanish “Norn Irish” Mama used to make it? View attachment 2830420View attachment 2830374

Spoiler: RISOTTO. IS. RICE!

View attachment 2830376TOUCH GRASS!!!

Spoiler: Literal Felonies Against Food. WARNED.

Turns out, this claim of hers might not be true View attachment 2830402
View attachment 2830392View attachment 2830393View attachment 2830394View attachment 2830395View attachment 2830397View attachment 2830398View attachment 2830399View attachment 2830400View attachment 2830404let us all give thanks there is no photo of this one. bleeping charlatan.
Roasted beetroot, red wine and Brie risotto

Bloody love risotto and all other varieties of rice dishes found around the Mediterranean and the Levant, including paella, arroz de tamate, maqluba, pilau, tahdig and mujadara (the finest of all balanced, cheap vegan meals).

All Jack's slops look like something a cat sicked up.

 

[I'm not actually here]

The point she misses frequently (surprise, surprise) is that you can't just bung any type of rice with any type of additions you care to and call it risotto. That isn't how cuisine in many, many parts of the world works.

As with paella in Spain there may be regional or familial variations, but a paella follows a standard cooking technique in a paellera (pan, Jack, pan) to achieve a specific dish. If it is a rice and fish dish cooked in an olla (different pan, Jack) then it is arroz con pescado, not paella. Ditto with risotto.

Bloody cultural appropriation. If you are gonna do it, at least make an effort to understand why you have fucked it up.

 

[Carefree]

When you're not even a fraction Italian but still offended by the rank slops masquerading as risotto. Thank God I haven't started my dinner yet.

 

[Fruitjack]

If she was a customer of mine she could amble into my workplace if what she'd bought wasn't up to scratch. So therefore as a customer of the Guardian either through buying a hard copy or by consuming the adverts that pay for for the online version, we are well within our rights to comment on the articles within.

How fortunate for her that they don't commission her to write them anymore if it upsets her that much.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

So I’m laid on the bed with period pains watching Londons Burning (it’s on UKTV play).
- sure Jack thinks she’s the female recruit Josie, or Bayleaf their cook, but in fact she’s SickNote with his endless tooth pain and various muscular injuries.
- one of the fireman’s family lives on quite rough estate and his mum doesn’t want to show off by buying jam in the shop.
Will keep watching and see if there is anything else that reminds me of Jack.

 

[BeardyBap]

So I’m laid on the bed with period pains watching Londons Burning (it’s on UKTV play).
- sure Jack thinks she’s the female recruit Josie, or Bayleaf their cook, but in fact she’s SickNote with his endless tooth pain and various muscular injuries.
- one of the fireman’s family lives on quite rough estate and his mum doesn’t want to show off by buying jam in the shop.
Will keep watching and see if there is anything else that reminds me of Jack.

Didn’t one of the firemen disappear after the actor went down on a drugs charge? Not sure why that seems relevant…
Can’t remember anything about the show now but those character names are a blast from the past!