Jack Monroe #551 Careless Wispa

[SouthendRealEstate]

Well played, squig.

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Thread Title Nomination
“The best swap is to swap the recipe to a Jamie Oliver one”

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Genuine question - is there anything she hasn't copied from someone?

Strongly suspect this was an original

 

[Batfurger]

Strongly suspect this was an original
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What the fuck do you ask a hairdresser for to get one of them?

Many many threads ago, there was a call for a dental adjacent Frau to comment on the teeth. I have literally been waiting and grunking to sign up, solely to say - I am she. The dental adjacent Frau. And those teeth and gums are as estranged from a toothbrush as sideboard Mel is from the truth.

 

[blackEm]

Dear Ninnies,

Spoiler: dull story ahead

I have a new colleague, their surname is Guest.

You were on my mind all day.

 

[Magwitch]

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I hope the gas doesn’t leak out of them later.


View attachment 2579167But if you bring me a Big Mac, we can burger instead.

I’ve just finished slogging through a truly dreadful thriller where someone tried to kill a family with carbon monoxide by making a crack in a radiator so that ‘the gas leaked out’. I shit you not, ninnies. I was so confused. How is it possible that there are two people in the world who think that gas comes out of radiators?

 

[YerDa]

Very proud to have nominated my first ever thread title!

In celebration I have blended my Wispas with marmite, tinned mackerel, rinsed hoops & kale, and topped the resulting bowlful with an inexplicable egg. I will serve it to @SweetTransvestite using a selection of rusty spoons accompanied by an airfried pint of milk.

 

[Squeaky Beans]

Come on, time to own up. Who has been searching this sentence so often it comes up when you Google guest's name?

Chapeau! I doff my pigskin cap to you

 

[Be our guest]

Call this charlatan charwoman. She’s been so desperate for a job for over a decade she’ll catch it cupped in her hands for you View attachment 2587555Cos none of these “applications” are working for her
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Vile.

I can't get my head around why a seemingly capable woman in her 30s is expecting sympathy because she has to apply for jobs because her part time self employed gig doesn't pay enough to live on. The entitlement is off the scale.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Peeky mink Sunday (as I like to call it, because we were all still in our Pjs at, like, 1pm, watching it unfold) was great because apart from anything else it showed us how ~forensically~ Jack was following the tattle threads. Like, she was changing the sock bio within the hour of it being discovered (to something along the lines of 'probably not who you think I am') before deleting the account completely, as though that did anything other than confirm it was in fact her.

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

I think her saying the bath was fully full of pennies, being grasses up on by someone with the behind the scenes Instagram footage and then saying “well of COURSE I didn’t say it was FULL of pennies” is my favourite pointless Jack lie. Just WHY?

 

[HotesTilaire]

Several times I’ll have you know She’s such a billy bullshitter.

Back to the industry WhatsApp group, the imagined conversations on here by people a lot wittier than me were so funny they made me cry and I nearly needed @FunnyFuneral’s services. Sending you big love darling. Been there quite recently and it’s so difficult, my heart goes out to you.

One of my fave pretend BS Jacks was the one where she claimed her sources in the news media were giving her info on some unfolding situation, like she’s fkin Linda Day. See also the London attack she tried to glom on when her and LJC heard the news, looked at each other and “knew what we had to do” as if LJC and Jack are at a Similar level running news departments. Like Jack had to crack open the laptop and tweet.

 

[Magwitch]

Lads, I had a moment with my Old Harold last night. He’s a keen gardener and grows and dries various herbs. Great. Go Old Harold!

But yesterday I asked him if we had any oregano for the spag bol I was making. No, says he, but we have some marjoram. And then he uttered the immortal words ‘It’s the same thing.’

I just stared at him in disbelief. What should I do Fraus? Should I LEAVE? Can I live with someone who thinks all herbs are interchangeable?

 

[DinosaurSenior]

The one thing I am grateful to Jack for is... I joined Tattle and started reading her threads on 23rd March 2020, the day of the first lockdown.

I couldn't bear to read the news, so needed to lose myself in something else.

She... Well, you guys, helped me through.

Seeing someone consistently make such a dick of themselves really was quite the distraction

 

[Emmapism]

Oooh glad I came back to sample this most excellent tea! Like father like daughter.

Was obvious to all of us here she's terrible with money and that's where all of the alleged 'hardships' came from. Given how not fucked she is about taking other people's and doing shite all, I can imagine old Dave bailing her out. Because THEY HAVE PLENTY OF MONEY. Hitchhiking to work

Lol. Still glad she's gone. Good riddance you big bollock

 

[FunnyFuneral]

All the best to you and Daddy FF and much love you, my Ninny friend.

Thank you my dear Upside down kitty buddy. It's not looking good so love to all my dear ninnies and I'll get back to you when I can, because you are lovely people who make me smile daily. Over and out for now, Roger Captain Kirk xx

 

[Livia Fantasy]

About train driving…. Firstly it’s competitive to get into. You also have to pass tests to get accepted for training. There’s a LOT to learn, a lot of study. If you don’t pass, you’re out. It is paid well, but there’s shift work. Very early starts and late finishes. You have to have a lot of concentration and quick reactions. It’s not for everyone and it’s not a job where you apply on a whim one day and start the next. It’s a long winded process to get to the training and earning stage - if you need money right now you’d apply elsewhere too. Lastly, they seem to like people who have had previous driving experience, particularly driving for a job.

And, err, drug testing.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Ninnies! My husband (completely unaware of Tattle, and would look at me askance if I tried to explain it) suggested a recipe from AGCJ as part of this week's meal plan. While looking it up, I amused myself reading the acknowledgements...

1) Mates with Tom Parker-Bowles, eh? Much destitute, so poverty, wow
2) "A good reputation lasts forever" sure, Chockers, if you say so...

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3) Rob has a lot to answer for.
4) Battling trolls even before her first book was published! She really is a warrior.

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Also note the amendment to the recipe in question. As I'm sure you can all imagine, natural yoghurt made this an absolute sloppy slopfest, so we replaced it with double goat's cheese (is goat's cheese a typically Greek cheese, BTW?)...
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“Thank you to Patrick Butler at the Guardian who in 2022 I will attempt to throw under the bus by blaming him for my saying this”https://www.archive.is/oldest/https...poverty-jack-monroe-it-could-happen-to-anyone

“Until this is pointed out and I double down”

“but it turns out I was FUCKING LYING”

“Because here’s the audio file of me saying it, it wasn’t an interview, and Patrick Butler was just quoting my actual words from a speech I gave in the House of Commons”

Jack Monroe #381 It's all Courtney Love's fault that everyone is being sued again.

Just circling back to this: These indoor solar lights really are excellent and surprisingly bright. Must look into some, what with the cost of living crisis and all that. Really too bright by the look of that cat's face! Although, may be scarred by recent burger related events.

tattle.life

(ss @Marmalade Atkins and @Granny Ogg)
ETA and she’s even lying about this bit too because she was 25 when she gave that speech, not 23

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I just remembered that time a Squig called Jack a boring old coke hag.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I am LOVING reliving the Guardian chaos.

It was great all the way through; from being passed out at home when she was meant to be doing the interview, then doing the interview and admitting to pissing people’s money up the wall, then accompanying the awful interview with the terrible bath pictures, then lying about the bath pictures and getting called out by a seemingly innocent video posted on insta. All sprinkled with tweets digging even bigger holes.

A chaos of so many layers it was like a delicious Mille-feuille of ridiculousness. Chefs fucking kiss.

Her absolute relief that Shattenstone was swallowing all her BS, glomming on to him for hours after, even going the pub. Fully believing that she’d shown herself to be an adorable lil scamp, buying £300 sideboards drunk, but I’m ok now!
Defending Shattenstoneas a fwend when he was rightly called out by the CandI journalism tutor, not realising he’d let her show herself for what she is.
even recalling it is making me owl champagne.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Hear that noise? That’s the sound of radiators being ripped from the walls in the Thorpe Bay area

AND they didn’t even ask CELEBRITY Jack (or Big Chocco) to switch on the Christmas lights with the MAYOR and his good lady wife

Why Jack pariah?
Massive grifter and liar.