Jack Monroe #551 Careless Wispa

[Bugger13]

The bath pic is one of my favourites. When you think of a woman in a bath, you imagine images like this. They could have totally put Jack in a pose like this, exuding femininity, warmth, relaxation. Just replace the water with pennies.

Instead they made her lie back with her arms and legs out like a simpleton and her head back surrounded by pennies. The overall effect I got was ‘this woman is a joke-a talentless, cheap chancer. Enjoy what a dickhead we’ve made her look’.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I was listening to interviews with ballet dancers (as you do) and this strategy applied to their careers too. It's hard to move from the corps de ballet to a position as a soloist, for example, but if the dancers were ultra prepared and gained a reputation for being reliable then more opportunities followed. Dependable is the key word.

It's the same with any freelance/creative career. I went from being a freelance writer doing bits and bobs in my spare time to making six figures running a sustainable creative business in the same time that guest has managed to spend all her money and trash her reputation. I did it by just showing up, delivering consistently, building relationships, capitalizing on opportunities and constantly learning and improving, while also managing my mental and physical health issues. I don't say this to show off, and it wasn't easy, but just to show how it's possible to build a career from the kinds of things Guest does. It staggers me how badly she's fucked herself at every turn from the profile and opportunities she's had.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I hope the gas doesn’t leak out of them later.

But if you bring me a Big Mac, we can burger instead.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Fucking hell Lord Byron, think you better lay off that opium for a bit, pal.

She’s truly, truly excruciating. Just mortifying.

Though I do like this fit of pique pissy little shitfit she had on her blog when she republished her decaying butterflies there in their hideously copulating entirety

They HEAVILY EDITED her!

Why Jack cry?
Edited
copulating
butterfly.

Why Jack have no Tattle fun?
She scavenging moth,
Fraus soft wool sun.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

My auntie....

Spoiler: ... Is rude

She's sharp as a tack, never at home, always out somewhere with her walking group or at the theatre, reads every word of several newspapers every weekend but good lord sometimes she just... Comes out with stuff like...

A neighbour having a large erection in his garden (which turned out to be a new shed)

A giant hairy pussy in her garden (a Persian cat)

A very large cock out the back (a pheasant)

Problems with her bush needing a trim.

Makes a lament of "what a stiffy" when getting out of a chair.

My sister and I sit trying not to look at each other, giggling like 12 year olds

 

[Mr Krabs]

Pontins has ended me. Oh my god. Saturday Night Dance. This is me now, I hope they send Ghanaian pallbearers.
What a time to be alive

View attachment 2589513View attachment 2589514

I’ve just realised the 10 year sabbatical means Jack is claiming she did ballet until 17. I know a lot of women who did ballet and only the ones who were really hardcore into dance did it beyond the age of 11/12. How did her poor impoverished parents afford it when they were huddling round a jacket potato with their many unpaid foster kids?

Of course, while she was doing ballet she was also the coolest of cool punks in her men’s suits and DMs which is definitely true as well.

 

[hoopdedoo]

What kills me about the Guardian cover shoot is that it was a perfect social media opportunity. "It looks like I'm naked in a tub full of pennies. But that's not what happened! Go behind the scenes with me in the studio to see how we did it!" followed by pix, video, etc. But no, the stupid cow had to claim that she was in the nip and got coins stuck up her arse, and then looked like a fool and doubled down when she was challenged on her lies.

It probably didn't help that she p***ed off the photographer, MUA, stylist etc by being four hours late and then being a diva to them. If she'd been on time and been nicer, there might not have been as much pushback on her ridiculous claims.

 

[Emmapism]

Catching up has been the biggest joy. Getting to listen to Chop chop it's the onion police again? A delight.

The stuff about the new clean sheets and come? Reader I HOOTED.

And it's always a good time to remind ourselves that when confronted, Jack will never ever just straight up admit she embellished. She will always double down, flat out lie and then modify that lie again when challenged. This is my favourite example of that because there's actual audio to back it up.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I still can't get over "train-driving work" casually thrown in there among all those so-called unskilled jobs (I hate using that term, because working in a warehouse or dealing with the public all day does require skills that I for one don't possess, but I'm ILL and can't think of a better term).

Does she think you can just rock up to your local train station on a given day and be like "Alright pal, any driving jobs going? I can start today."

What a fucking bellend.

 

[lilykestrel]

Fashion design and needlecraft? View attachment 2577684

everytime this comes up I have a little brain short circuit at the fact SHE INTENDED TO SELL THIS

 

[Saltfish84]

It must be easy to write poetry if Jack can do here goes….

I fucking hate poetry
By artisan charlatans
Like Jack the crack and her pointless ephemera
That’s just a sack of capybara
Shit
And her boring old belaboured
Words tapered
Into painstakingly
Over-wrought bollocks
And zero symbolics
She’s no WB Yeats
She just grates
Lifting her non existent weights
Slopping inedible gruel on her plates
A suitcase in a hall
Fuck it all

Genuinely though, I despise 95% of poetry. Unless you’re dropping a banger like old Keatsy and Ode to a Nightingale then I’m not interested.

Bet she’s written a whole anthology whilst TwitterX free.

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

View attachment 2579763

how can an unmade bed be white and new and come

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Re her thank you for your service and pompous Queen lecture,

She gave everyone the exact same lecture when her pal “Margaret” died too

And here’s Big Chocco last year, me me-ing it about the death of a Lib Dem on THE COUNCIL

Not hard to see where she gets it from, is it?

 

[RandomFishOils]

“I read all of your messages.”

“Unless you’ve given me money in return for something which I can’t be bothered to fulfil, in which case you can fuck yourself.”

 

[MurielSnark]

Hooboy, just done a massive catch-up after being in hospital and offline for nearly two weeks. Nearly coughed up both lungs, which is not good for my recovery.

Flapjacks and copper pennies for all, thank you for making me feel slightly human again. xx

 

[fondant_fancy]

Lying in the bath of money and talking about what she spent the money on in the article was such bad taste. I can't believe her and her agent were ok with it when they saw it all put together.

 

[griftalo]

We’re going to get a Xmas dinner chaos aren’t we? Stuffing granules will be involved in some terrible way - possibly on a trifle

Crimbleytime Trifle

Save some old crusts of bread, soak in some tinned mandarin juice you stored in an old shoe. Go foraging for some of those festive white berries on your neighbours bush, don’t give a thought to if they are poisonous or not (no one will eat it anyway).
Press bread firmly down in an old pedal bin. Pour on any remaining juice.
Air fry the bin

Gently place your berries on top.
Make a custard from anchovy tin oil and soy milk - in the nutribullet. If you’re too pov to own one, glue a vibrator to a jam jar instead. Add your slop custard to the pedal bin.
Whip up some aquafaba to make “cream”, and spread on the trifle.
Lastly, spray some stuffing mix crumbs with rose gold spray paint and fling casually on top.
Go round to the pub nearby and fish a cherry out of an abandoned glass, lick any residue off. Place atop the painted crumbs and voila!
Merry gastroenteritis

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Add another “Apparently I look like…” to the list

Spoiler

ss @MarmiteExtract

Reckon she only said “Helena Bonham Carter” because she didn’t know how to spell Bellatrix Lestrange?

And yeah, that tiny stupid Rambo headband made of your own hair “falling out in your sleep” definitely gave you that “Helena” Hairdo and those Tippex Teeth for your 6am bathroom mirror selfie, you idiotic fantasist charlatan attention seeker.

 

[lilykestrel]

how can an unmade bed be white and new and come

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Now that Jack is persona slop grata, and with Christmas nearly upon us, I’ve found her some seasonal work on Instagram which, if she’s good, could lead to full time employment…

Would you like to see this lovely Swan I met a couple of years ago?

Spoiler: “Swan”

ETA: Website address in that poster works btw.