It absolutely is complicated, and I often think about my friend in particular - like I said in my post, I actually don't think she can work. Not for the physiological reasons she says she can't, but I suspect she is so high conflict she is not capable of maintaining the sort of professional relationships required to hold down a job long term. Like Jack she has a superficial appeal and charm that will see her through the initial stages of whatever task she has to do, but it can't be maintained and although they're both
cunts IMO, I'm not sure that anyone would choose the lives they have if they had the capacity for something else? I don't know what I'm trying to say - like Jack, my friend had many things handed to her (perfect marriage, family, husband who supported her) but she cheated and lied and manipulated and threw it away and that seems to be the only way she knows how to operate. Should she starve or be homeless because of that, and should her children? No, I don't think so, so as much as I harbour bitterness towards people like this (having had my life destroyed by them), I don't think that precludes them from basic humanity and support and I agree with you. My own mother was also a terrible human being, but that didn't mean me and my brothers should have suffered any more by being denied the basic means to exist.
I have, however, had a wine and I'm feeling generous. I'm struggling with my own severe trauma-related issues (my therapist grassed me up to the crisis team
) and I'm lucky to have a great job where nobody notices if I disappear for a week in the midst of a breakdown, but I'm pretty much alone and live in constant fear of being found out and ending up homeless under a bridge. So I'm aware it can happen to anyone, I guess. And I'll stop rambling now. There but for the grace of God (or the universe, or whatever) go I, etc.
I love everyone's thoughtful replies in this thread.