Jack Monroe #523 Everything she does is pointless busywork that solves nothing

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

Lovely to see some new faces! I'm praying that you all get to see a real live chaos very soon!

I've been here for 7 months and I didn't realise that swearing wasn't allowed because @MancBee doesn't like it. I'd pictured you all as genteel Edwardian ladies under lace parasols, drinking tea from bone china. Sorry if I've ever upset you with my flagrant c u next Tuesdaying, lovely Mancbee. I'll try and learn how to spoiler without bleeping it up.

ETA ffs I just effed and Jeffed whilst apologising for effing and jeffing.

 

[Geetbo]

I honestly think "Just got bummed for a Filet O'Fish, STAY MAD HATERS" Jack may be my favourite of all time.
---

I'd pictured you all as genteel Edwardian ladies under lace parasols

This is a very accurate description of me.

 

[Florid Language]

I'm off to bung the dwindling contents of the fridge into a curry for later.
So that'll be a chicken, langoustine and black pudding curry.
Maybe I am guest?

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I'm just gonna say it - I'm JEALOUS of all the new fraus who got to pick their usernames based on current Jack-lore. If only I could change mine to MitheringNinny...

I hear you. Mine was a stupid throwaway so I could post some tea on secret celebrity gossip long before I became a Frau. I wouldn’t like it if you could have infinite name changes on here al la mumsnet, but some kind of name change amnesty for a one time new name would be nice.

 

[Wooh]

Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen the HILARIOUS spiritual beach story..

What the actual duck? I’m cringing so much it’s making me shiver a little bit. Not just the blatant bull but the way she writes, just eugh.

“Dear reader” has to be one of the worst phrases to ever be used on social media, so it’s no surprise Jack is a fan.

That's our girl. I'm clapping and gasping with sodden, invariable laughter and wiping tears of joy from my tinned spaghetti reading this, dear reader of words. The hilarity is spontaneous and simultaneously painstaking, as is my clapping and invariable laughter. Thank you, dear reader.

 

[Dr.CM]

That "Ronseal human being" quote. Does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? What does it say on the tin? Exactly? Are you just telling us you're a human being and not a space alien or a chimp in disguise?

Apparently Jack is a professional writer who knows she's a good writer.

Hmm well what it says on the tin is highly conflicted garbage no matter which aspect of life one is looking at - gender, sexuality, physical health, mental health, sobriety, finances, income, work, home, moving home, motherhood, heck even 'holidays*'. There is not one single thing about her that has a fixed aspect one could refer to as being stable and 'doing what it says on the tin'. Such is the nature of grifters.

*She said she was taking her kid wild camping in scotland so they can make forever memories did she not?

 

[MurielSnark]

I see the watch as a big duck off to anyone who questions her. It's so cocky , almost like saying I can literally get away with anything.

Scamanda was the same. For anyone who hasn't listened to the podcast it's interesting some of the parallels with guest.

I concur with this

 

[rage naan]

I hear you. Mine was a stupid throwaway so I could post some tea on secret celebrity gossip long before I became a Frau. I wouldn’t like it if you could have infinite name changes on here al la mumsnet, but some kind of name change amnesty for a one time new name would be nice.

I gotta admit, I love your username in particular. I picture five hundred happy dogs, all having a nice day. I love it

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

I have no idea why, but I was just re-reading the Burger Boy saga. She really hasn’t done any growing or maturing in her attitude to sex (or anything else, let’s face it) in the last 10 years, has she?

2013: GUESS WHAT, EVERYONE! I’VE GOT A LOVEBITE!!!
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Did you miss it the first time? I’ve got a LOVEBITE, everyone!!!
View attachment 2281528

In case you missed it the first twice, PAY ATTENTION!!! I’VE GOT A LOVEBITE!!!
View attachment 2281529

2017: I’m SHAGGING! And making wacky innuendos about VIBRATORS! And ORGASMS! Geddit? SEX!
View attachment 2281547View attachment 2281548

2022: I’VE JUST HAD A SHAAAAAAAG!!! And you are all well jel!
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Oh will she please stop with the continual references to newspapers, either with weekend pancakes or as a checklist for anyone who would dare to try and date her without a comprehensive understanding of current affairs. She thinks it makes her look like the activist/campaigner she wants to be (albeit without any of the work) but all it does is reinforce to me how out of touch she actually is, cos every time she says it I think, “Hold up, so how come you don’t ever mention x, y or z then?”

 

[Wooh]

Jack's Summer of Making Memories: tweets deleted, but RIP Summer wild camping on Twitter approx 15 August to 15 August 2022

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

In fairness to guest, when she posts tit like this, she’s bleeping hilarious.

Spoiler

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She is hysterically mediocre

 

[MurielSnark]

I have no idea why, but I was just re-reading the Burger Boy saga. She really hasn’t done any growing or maturing in her attitude to sex (or anything else, let’s face it) in the last 10 years, has she?

2013: GUESS WHAT, EVERYONE! I’VE GOT A LOVEBITE!!!
View attachment 2281525View attachment 2281526

Did you miss it the first time? I’ve got a LOVEBITE, everyone!!!
View attachment 2281528

In case you missed it the first twice, PAY ATTENTION!!! I’VE GOT A LOVEBITE!!!
View attachment 2281529

2017: I’m SHAGGING! And making wacky innuendos about VIBRATORS! And ORGASMS! Geddit? SEX!
View attachment 2281547View attachment 2281548

2022: I’VE JUST HAD A SHAAAAAAAG!!! And you are all well jel!
View attachment 2281533

"I don't buy makeup as a rule, I hardly wear it, seeing it as a waste of time in my day and money from my wallet."

Sorry, whaaaaaat?

This the same moronic lying fraud who can't stop binge-buying and hoarding lipsticks 'n crap, AND who spends bleedin' hours online taking selfies, experimenting with lewks. I can't.

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

I honestly think "Just got bummed for a Filet O'Fish, STAY MAD HATERS" Jack may be my favourite of all time.
---

This is a very accurate description of me.

Geetbo, you are Mother Chawner forever. I don't care what anyone says.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Not even when she tells the internet one of her HILLLLARRRRRRIOUS and FASCINATING anecdotes?

Spoiler: guest’s funny stories

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She’s long been a truly fascinating anecdotalist, mind you.

View attachment 2281561View attachment 2281559You can TOTES see how she can command that £10,000-£15,000 speaking fee on the after dinner circuit.

Spoiler: Yo, guest!

View attachment 2281584

See, this is what pisses me off. Coming up to winter solstice, aka the shortest day, the sunrise gets later each day until Jan 6th and then it gets earlier all the way through to summer solstice. Why a) does she know duck all and b) can't she ever get anything right?

These are the sunrise times Dec 2021 for Southend....

 

[Katkat]

Distraught that the total number of times members of the public have spontaneously burst into applause because of my antics is 0. At least I can cook. Boo, I guess.

 

[CrushedIcePlease]

In fairness to guest, when she posts tit like this, she’s bleeping hilarious.

Spoiler

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I CANNOT COPE with the ballet one… my god.

As strange as it must have been for you OGs to have an influx of new ninnies, it really is bringing out some classics in the absence of a chaos.

ETA - “sabbatical” - another word she doesn’t understand

 

[Dr.CM]

Jack's Summer of Making Memories: tweets deleted, but RIP Summer wild camping on Twitter approx 15 August to 15 August 2022

Rest In Eternal Peace summer wild camping 2022, you were a nice idea whilst you lasted, we barely knew ya

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

That "Ronseal human being" quote. Does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? What does it say on the tin? Exactly?

It says

SCAMMER

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I CANNOT COPE with the ballet one… my god.

As strange as it must have been for you OGs to have an influx of new ninnies, it really is bringing out some classics in the absence of a chaos.

That face in the ballet photo can make me angry if I'm already in a mood and it pops up. She's an idiot wrapped in a moron.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

I honestly think "Just got bummed for a Filet O'Fish, STAY MAD HATERS" Jack may be my favourite of all time.
---

This is a very accurate description of me.

Picturing Geets in a bonnet and those flip flops