Jack Monroe #523 Everything she does is pointless busywork that solves nothing

[Valiofthedolls]

It really does take a full-on fan to refer to themselves as "hilarious". That's for other people to say, not you.

Also, she isn't funny.

In fairness to guest, when she posts tit like this, she’s bleeping hilarious.

Spoiler

 

[Zelda]

Actual “1978 Showaddywaddy fan of the year, as seen in Blue Jeans magazine” Jack at the EXACT SAME time.
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I am deceased!

PS - welcome all noob ninnies. Thanks for livening up the thread during a quiet time. Go well and absolutely duck off x

 

[LizzieE.]

I thought my daughter had an account here and tried to steer the conversation to Tattle codes without giving away that I wanted to join.
She didn't bite and when I realised it was open I was shaking so much trying to type in my details that I kept making mistakes.
If you're here. Get to bed young lady. You've got work in the morning.

I was like avsack of spuds thrown down the stairs to sign up.

 

[TrolleyParton]

In fairness to guest, when she posts tit like this, she’s bleeping hilarious.

True! Also, I hadn't seen this Poundshop Sally Bowles one before and I'm literally howling.

 

[FrumpyCat]

This picture is so funny.

You can see how Guest is trying to give the impression their right eye is closed with the bruising, but has forgotten not to squint with their left eye too.

Jack may have knocked her eye, there may have even been slight swelling and bruising, but the urban decay 'black eye' will never not be funny.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

True! Also, I hadn't seen this Poundshop Sally Bowles on before and I'm literally howling.

Here are the captions. @Mr Krabs braved undelete to get these.

To the surprise of no-one, she’s lying about an alleged THEMED Chicago night at top. This is a tit “glamour shot” of the type her son’s dad used to take and stick in his online portfolio. I have zero words or explanation for the other one, other than that she’s a deluded idiot (with CRUSHINGLY LOW self esteem)

 

[Florid Language]

The cataloguing of evidence for the wiki is so impressive. My OH (who hasn't left yet) used to work in IT always says "get it before it disappears" when I see something that I like. Unfortunately I don't always follow his advice.
I admire a lot of people on here who capture the dirty deletes for posterity.

 

[lilykestrel]

To the surprise of no-one, she’s lying about an alleged FANCY DRESS Chicago night at top. This is a tit “glamour shot” of the type her son’s dad used to take and stick in his online portfolio. I have zero words or explanation for the other one.

Was gonna say, those heels would be terribly impractical for bar tending - unless one had a wheely chair one could sit upon and scoot about the bar area on - although that would also be terribly impractical. Or one could remove them everytime one needed to walk about and then put them on for stationary moments (with cutie patootie socks underneath, natch) - but again, terribly impractical for a nights work.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Not to myself but fingers Kerridge will be at an event I’m attending this week.

Any burning questions from the canal about his guest adjacentness if I manage to see him?

Can you ask him which of Jack's recipes he stole when he was picking her brains.

And do him and Marcus Radford ever discuss Jack.

 

[BonnyBabs]

I'm just gonna say it - I'm JEALOUS of all the new fraus who got to pick their usernames based on current Jack-lore. If only I could change mine to MitheringNinny...

 

[rage naan]

Question: Which seeking Jack is the worst seeking Jack?

Spoiler

1: View attachment 2281435
2: View attachment 22814303: View attachment 2281431

Spoiler: Answer:

View attachment 2281440View attachment 2281446

That "Ronseal human being" quote. Does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? What does it say on the tin? Exactly? Are you just telling us you're a human being and not a space alien or a chimp in disguise?

Apparently Jack is a professional writer who knows she's a good writer.

 

[MooBelle]

Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen the HILARIOUS spiritual beach story..

What the actual duck? I’m cringing so much it’s making me shiver a little bit. Not just the blatant bull but the way she writes, just eugh.

“Dear reader” has to be one of the worst phrases to ever be used on social media, so it’s no surprise Jack is a fan.

Worth pointing out that her father (often referred to as Big D or Big Dave) regularly posts on Southend FB pages to warn people about going on the MOD beaches. This HILARIOUS anecdote was almost certainly after she'd been told off by him about something and this was her way of getting him back.
Almost everything she posts is to get back at or punish someone.

 

[Florid Language]

Oh God, Rage Naan is a brilliant username (sorry, I'm a slow reader)
All we need is a Knickerless Kneckbeard now.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

That "Ronseal human being" quote. Does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? What does it say on the tin? Exactly?

 

[Lucky Escape]

That "Ronseal human being" quote. Does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? What does it say on the tin? Exactly? Are you just telling us you're a human being and not a space alien or a chimp in disguise?

Apparently Jack is a professional writer who knows she's a good writer.

I actually asked her this!

(from thread 500)

 

[Florid Language]

Her poetry reminds me of a girl at a Summer playscheme who read her own poetry out loud to a small group of fawning hangers on every lunchtime. Being one of the adult supervisors I had to cram the corned beef and tomato sandwich down my gob to stifle the sniggers.
Teenage angst is fine. Bad poetry is often hilarious.

She ain't no John Cooper Clarke.

 

[WhyYouCry?]

Wow, I spent a few days suckered into the Alice Evans drama and come back to what feels like an actual party in here! Welcome all new members.
Frauen, I think my Old Harold may be trolling me. After the sausage and bean slop I was subjected to last week, he has just served me up leftover stir fry veg and noodles… WITH AN ACTUAL INEXPLICABLE EGG! Just sitting there, on top, taunting me. When I looked at him in horror, he said ‘I just thought it needed some protein’.
On the plus side, the egg was actually cooked, and not just a globule of snot sitting atop my noodles.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen the HILARIOUS spiritual beach story..

What the actual duck? I’m cringing so much it’s making me shiver a little bit. Not just the blatant bull but the way she writes, just eugh.

“Dear reader” has to be one of the worst phrases to ever be used on social media, so it’s no surprise Jack is a fan.

I reckon that was a date with old Harold you know. Oh Harold, how I miss your chaoi inducing ways!

Edit to add welcome lovely new ninnies! I am jealous of all your usernames as mine is stupid

 

[RandomFishOils]

Jack:

Also Jack:

It must have all been shoplifted from Superdrug then.

 

[Wooh]

For newcomers, so-called “Jenny, Peter and Barbara“ really did make it into the final edit.!


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Yeah, look, you see, "invariably" isn't really working in this sentence
#Jacklife #Thesaurusfail