Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[Suffolkmum]

I have a home management book from the 1920’s which gives instructions on removing cheese mites. It involves placing the cheese in a bowl of cold water and watching them wriggle out. I could have sent it to Jack as an idea for her useless book.

 

[HotesTilaire]

FFS, she's learnt nothing from the egg ring debacle - those cans will have an epoxy resin coating, so shouldn't be heated like this.

Excuse you! Last time she came out with this bollox she gave the tin can a nice coat of paint! This is progress, it’s only dangerous and fucking stupid, not fucking dangerous and fucking stupid.

 

[Naboo The Enigma]

They're not even anything to look at are they? Imagine lying in the bath staring at a row of old bean cans with the dates still stamped on and a foul mixture of Yankee candles' greatest hits billowing out. Not really my idea of a magical diy home spa.

(I sometimes re-use cans - especially the catering size ones, as garden pots. Make a few drainage holes with a drill or bradawl - DO NOT ruin a perfectly good screwdriver - and pot up a couple of supermarket primroses. I'll give you that one for nothing Jack.)

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

It you can't fit multiple sideboards in to, it's poverty housing, innit.

If it's not a sprawling detached property by the sea, it's poverty housing, innit.


I've no doubt she actually believes some of the shit she peddles. Whichever way you look at it, it's an insult to the many people who do live in those circumstances.

She's talking shit. I grew up in substandard housing. We had single glazing, no central heating and mould crawling up the walls. There was also a fire one year and smoke damage following that. Our flat was in an urban shithole and surrounded by constant traffic. By rights we ought to have severe respiratory issues (well my brother has asthma). My siblings and I don't sound like Honk. My sister has a deviated septum and she doesn't sound like Honk and that inclydes pre surgery. I have a child with chronic lung disease who doesn't sound like that. My friends children with CF don't sound like that. My uncle with enlarged tonsils doesn't sound like. I also know someone with a broken nose and they don't sound like that, their nose has a big kink in it though from the break. They all sound normal. I know that is all anecdotal but the only time I've ever heard anyone sound remotely like Honk is when they have a heavy cold.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I’ve never put the two things together before, but this was the day before she went on her “working holiday” to the US with her Diva/grim Ripper Museum pal.

Fucking hell Jack, “new and exciting work” is a truly novel way to describe jiggling the ol’ “famous DDs” and (GAUCHE) with the appalling Linda Riley in exchange for all expenses paid.

Holly Golightly you most certainly are not.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Jack's vast amount of tat is giving me hope. At some point I have to sort through my parent's house. They acquired a lot of stuff in their 62 year marriage (keen antiquers and collectors). On top of that they have a lot of stuff from both my sets of grandparents and then great grandparents.
I thought it was an insurmountable task tbh - but Jack STILL has more stuff than them.
How the hell did she get so much stuff in relatively few years? It is crazy. Both money and opportunity wise. She has more in her house than 3 lifetimes worth of possessions in my parents.

 

[StatusWoe]

Sounds as if she's stuffed tissues up her nose.

I posted this before, but it's always relevant.

She is one of those terrifying Olbas nose people.

''The poverty has been really hard on my sinuses. SNIFF''

 

[Feck]

Just why when there's a spenny yankee candle right behind them

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She's going to burn down the bungamansion as a final F.U. to her poor landlady.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

“Carefully” poured in.

I love the way she always emphasizes you should do things “carefully”.

Spoiler: Do it CAREFULLY. WARNED.

Does she think the rest of just fling stuff around our kitchens like we’re Bryan Brown and Tom Cruise in Cocktail?

 

[camotea]

Was she just glomming onto those properly, actually tragic stories about children literally dying in mouldy homes? She can latch onto those headlines but not get a joke about tomatoes. Really strange and unpleasant individual, which is news to no one.

 

[Captainmouse]

 

[Jelly Bean]

Imagine waiting for postcards/activism/online store discount codes/sub prime feet pics () and there she is drilling tins and filling them with wax from perfectly serviceable candles for 100 hours a week.

It's barmy isn't it? Obviously everyone is allowed a hobby. Inane, pointless and dangerous as it may be. But Jack is being paid good money by patreon donors to fund her activism, charity work and school visits. It explicitly says so on her patreon page. So what a slap in the face to keep reading she does fuck all apart from drill holes in tins and have endless cups of tea in her 'cosy gaff'.
Not to mention the VBI.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

She gets very lights on/lights off with post opening though. She’s either unable to open the pile or she’s softly, gently opened them all

Yep. Jack has opened the massive pile of unopened mail at least three times.

24th October 2020

10th February 2021

21st June 2022

I am pretty sure she said her most recent ex, Mr OH, went through them all with her too

 

[Hold my beans]

Can anyone else smell burning?

 

[FunnyFuneral]

In a terrible frame of mind and then I see that Jack is back... that is not going to help.

Anyhoo, in the latest edition of 'make it make sense' , on what fucking planet can she lecture Annunziata Rees Mogg about poor people being too depressed etc to batch cook, and then suggest that the poors
1. Collect together remembants of candles, some string and a ringpull
2. Get an old tin, remove the label, rinse and dry it
3. Get a screw driver and hammer to punch holes in said tin
4. Melt remnants of candles over a hob
5. Pour contents in to set.

To make a candle.

So. To all you scummy, Tory loving, evil doers out there now you know. Suggesting making abit of extra spag-bol and freeze it = nazi who wants her DEAD
Suggest making candles using house hold objects when cheap candles are regularly available = activist, saint of Povvos etc.

Especially if, as a poor Povvo, scented candles are important to you for the ambience of your home, you can buy quite a lot of scented tea lights at somewhere like Primark say for a couple of £, and find nice little holders in a chazzer or Primark, again for a couple of £, or ask for ones you would like for Christmas or birthday gifts etc. I'm besotted by candlelight and have always had some, even in the poorest of times because they make me happy.
I can't imagine bashing holes in a rinsed out bean tin and melting scraps of wax would have had quite the same relaxing effect.
LJC, I could buy 100 tealights for £2 in Sainsburys not that long ago, unscented like, but you can have the candles and just one scented makes a difference.
It doesn't all have to be Partylite and Jo Malone's

 

[mince]

REVELATION: LIT CANDLES LOOK NICE AROUND A BATH.

Also, massive opportunity for painstaking/ly lost. Never has someone been so off their game whilst simultaneously 100% on it.

Solid day campaigning for the povs there, Jackie. You can take the evening off.

 

[Flivver]

She’s wanged on about lasting effects of The Poverty - living in homes with damp and mould causing breathing issues for her and her son. Yet she promotes homemade scented candles with string as wicks. If someone’s asthmatic, you don’t want to be burning that shit.

Suggest she looks up indoor pm2.5. Particulate matter measuring less than 2.5microns which affect the lungs. Main causes of indoor pollution - cooking, wood burning stoves, candles and (this one might not apply to Jack) cleaning products.

Ventilate your homes lads, this is serious stuff. Lingering honk is bad for you.

 

[HotesTilaire]

The original Grifty Kitchen Heckin Hunk of Manuscript was actually Cack Jonroe’s Big Book of Household Management.
It was originally going to contain all the thrifty tips as a large section, think how many amendment stickers would have been needed!
She showed us the shit tips pages, paginated with a horrid orange font. After wanging on about tumble dryer firefighters, painted tin can candle holders and drying her hair with a pair of leggings, it was sent for rewrites for about 2 years until Grifty Shitchen was born.

 

[Whaa?]

Before Jacks Tattle threads there would have been no-one keeping up with what she promised and what she has/hasn't delivered. She put out so many tweets and then deleted most of them. Couple that with 'show me where I said that' and threats to sue. She must have felt quite well protected against any comeback. The comeback she gets now is people talking about it. CCJ squig is a new development.

Plus, how do you know when someone has done something? Jack would talk about working behind the scenes, talk up what she was going to do. Be in the papers, a slot on the telly, win an award. It all creates an image that she is working in the areas she claims to. Turning up at parliamentary debates, and party conferences. Unless you are paying attention, and even if you are, it is difficult to assess what has been done, or any progress made. Jack is not providing this information herself (surprise), not even to her patrons. It is now 4 months of nothing* after her making her apology to them and telling them that she never took them for granted. (* and by nothing I mean no Patreon posts about what she is doing for her £1 (ha!) and £3.50 tier subscribers. She could of course claim she is tucking updates into all her parcels of postcards).

AND the absolute farce of her being given cooking spots on TV to produce the gloop she did, and being had on to talk about the 344% increase in the price of rice unchallenged. Pfft.

 

[Mr Krabs]

That fucking neon sign gave me The Rage. Like she’s giving a little oh-look-at-me-doing-irony. I hate it nearly as much as those fake driftwood signs in every bastarding holiday let in the town where I live ‘Sandy Toes, Salty Kisses’ making me want to lob a brick through the window. I’m breathing quite heavily now, as recently I was behind a car that a ‘Nana To Be On Board’ sticker and if I hadn’t had a colleague in my car I swear I think I would driven the smug cow off the road. God. Sorry, ninnies, I am ok really and not a violent person at all.

Whenever I see a sticker with ‘powered by fairy dust’ I want to slash their tyres.