Jack Monroe #469 Spam fits my macros.

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Her left eye always looks kind of lazy to me and I don't mean just back when she was always meant to be half cut, even in the recent Guardian pic. And these crows feet are deeeeeep in a woman not yet 35 with a blank expression, its not as though she's smiling or frowning. Wonder whether she smashed the sunbeds back in the early 2000s when it was popular.
Her skincare routine involves shoving a hot, hot flannel on her face which is obviously great for drying it the duck out. Plus laying in a hammock in the sun all day. She’s going full Madge from Benidorm.

Vlad is getting smarter.

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Jebus, I always thought her weird front plait was all her own hair. Didn't realise she'd put in a shitload of extensions. What a twit.

Off topic: @Toxteth O'Grady I always lol when I see your username, I immediately get images of Vyvyan (not the RIP one) talking about the world record for stuffing marshmallows up one nostril.

The only things to go up my nostrils are marshmallows. Unlike Jack.❄
 
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Hubble, bubble toil and trouble! That Man has got a thrifty TV series commissioned and one of the drippy stans is suggesting Jack sues him.

That's right. Sue him. Can you patent cooking cheap dinners? Either way I bet JO's will actually look and taste really good and like something you'd actually want to eat. God bless him.

Oh boy, Jack is going to have a bleeping shitshow of a breakdown when she tries to swan back onto Twitter all gentle and nonchalant and sees that no one's really arsed where she is bar about three nans and that That Man has got all up in her niche.

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God bless the Gloss squig who detected Jack's bullshit at a thousand paces and "innocently" called her out on it.

The rest of the comments were invariably from Sad Mums acting like they were conversing with Madonna and mods trying to be funny. Cringe.
 
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Even if she was professional, dependable and hard working i don't think she could have a £1 wonder type show. She can't cook, she doesn't give you that wow-speed-of-that sense that you get watching pro cooks prep. Presentation skills are zero, lots of ppl with no intention of trying the recipes out watch cooking shows for the visual feast and hers always look like something that's been dropped on a barn floor before being trampled by a Shetland in a hurry.

And she's deeply unlikeable as a presenter. The nasal voice, the hyper self awareness, the im-mad-me persona, it's all jarring and uncomfortable to watch. And she'd be an editors nightmare going off piste all the time to relate some anecdote starring herself. Y'kno how Nigella brings the food out to her mates all gathered round the table at the end in some of her shows? They'd need paid extras for that bit for Jack.
 
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Even if she was professional, dependable and hard working i don't think she could have a £1 wonder type show. She can't cook, she doesn't give you that wow-speed-of-that sense that you get watching pro cooks prep. Presentation skills are zero, lots of ppl with no intention of trying the recipes out watch cooking shows for the visual feast and hers always look like something that's been dropped on a barn floor before being trampled by a Shetland in a hurry.

And she's deeply unlikeable as a presenter. The nasal voice, the hyper self awareness, the im-mad-me persona, it's all jarring and uncomfortable to watch. And she'd be an editors nightmare going off piste all the time to relate some anecdote starring herself. Y'kno how Nigella brings the food out to her mates all gathered round the table at the end in some of her shows? They'd need paid extras for that bit for Jack.
You say all of that (and it's true) but tell me you wouldn't sell your grandmother to watch jack on her own show. Imagine the decades of material from one series!
 
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Sue on the basis of what, her trademark ™️ on cheap meals?? I'm chuffed for him. I'm also chuffed she's being quietly abandoned as deserved.
oh oh oh like how she's trademarked "Depressipes"? or however the duck you spell depressed- recipes (depressing- recipes?)
As per the 'Jack Monroe On Self-Care and Social Change' talk
Ed Book Fest

do we have the £26 on the Stocktake? 🧐
 
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oh oh oh like how she's trademarked "Depressipes"? or however the duck you spell depressed- recipes (depressing- recipes?)
As per the 'Jack Monroe On Self-Care and Social Change' talk
Ed Book Fest

do we have the £26 on the Stocktake? 🧐
The depressipes thing makes me PMSL

Who on earth thinks I'm not feeling great, let me consult my depressipes manual. Leaving aside the fact her cooking is TERRIBLE, doesn't the name make you feel even worse.

This is her thing isn't it? Coming up with stupid names for stuff.

Fool.
 
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I’ve just remembered that in the white bralette pic, Jack was soliciting opinions on “dressing for a BBQ”. I’ve given her a nice sleeveless jumper because it’s January (and because I’m sick of seeing her mediocre tits).

EVEN BETTER, I remembered from when @Django posted this back in the autumn, it contains ABSOLUTE SHADE where the mods turned off her ability to comment because she wouldn’t shut the duck up from dominating the entire place 😂

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❤@Django for the screenie. Black tank top by Val (RIP) NOT RIP.
I’d love to know how this weight loss which she seems pleased about, fits into the timeline. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there was a byline everywhere where she’s moaning about stress and weight loss around the same time as this.
 
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oh oh oh like how she's trademarked "Depressipes"? or however the duck you spell depressed- recipes (depressing- recipes?)
As per the 'Jack Monroe On Self-Care and Social Change' talk
Ed Book Fest

do we have the £26 on the Stocktake? 🧐
Depressipes really doesn't work as a portmanteau word does it? Always makes me thinks of recipes to depress me, once you get past it being hard to decipher. Surely if you are depressed you want warm, comforting food to soothe you. That is for if you are a bit down. If you are clinically depressed a recipe ain't going to fix it. Especially not a Monroe special. The poor texture, unusual flavour combinations mixed with her woe is me my life is considerably harder than yours, overly wordy introduction is likely to be an actual depress(ipe)ant. Nb I always read it as depresspipe 😂

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I’d love to know how this weight loss which she seems pleased about, fits into the timeline. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there was a byline everywhere where she’s moaning about stress and weight loss around the same time as this.
"I'm so busy and stressed, do you want me to stop EATING?"
 
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She was thin in 2020 when she shaved her head after DKL, I suspect the relationship was deteriorating, and she was both fragile and attention-seeking. It’s a terrible combination as she actually did look gaunt and unwell
 
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It's not. I've WhatsApped my friend who's an a+e nurse and he said this is what they tend to give out. So our Jack's told a pork pie, I cannot believe it.
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Lucky to even get a bandage, we just whack some micropore on. We do also have plastic shields to stop people rubbing their eyes post surgery or infection. Again we stick them on with tape.
 
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Tagged here in too. She must by now realise that she’s a laughing stock. PMSL 🤣

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Hubble, bubble toil and trouble! That Man has got a thrifty TV series commissioned and one of the drippy stans is suggesting Jack sues him.

That's right. Sue him. Can you patent cooking cheap dinners? Either way I bet JO's will actually look and taste really good and like something you'd actually want to eat. God bless him.

Oh boy, Jack is going to have a bleeping shitshow of a breakdown when she tries to swan back onto Twitter all gentle and nonchalant and sees that no one's really arsed where she is bar about three nans and that That Man has got all up in her niche.
Hi Jack,
If you're reading this, can you throw another one of your tantrums about this? Your career setbacks are almost as funny as you getting dumped on account of your terrible personality and we could all do with the laugh. You never know, there might be some idiot out there in the media who'll give you a pity show if you cry hard enough.

Have a lovely weekend🥰🥰🥰🥰

Cheers

J.Numbers.
 
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