Jack Monroe #468 Remove my photo! Warned!

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Scared by haunted Jack tales I'm off
 
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It's probably gone off if it's gooey
Honestly it’s aneurism time again. If you get a gooey or very spreadable Feta, chances are it’s not PDO feta, it’s “Greek style cheese” also they put animal rennet in that (cheapo)version sometimes.
 
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The reason I ask (although what's the point cos IT'S a LIE) but which parents would be happy with their 16 year old attractive daughter sharing a flat with adult men?
 
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I always imagine her smelling like a pair of mens jeans that have been worn for many months but never washed, or a damp flannel that's been sat at the bottom of the laundry bin for days.
Very late to the party but I imagine Jack smells foisty, to quote my old gran. Wet clothes that haven’t quite been dried properly. That’s what she smells like. <insert Newman/Baddiel gif>
 
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Never been near a ferret but I had a creepy housemate at uni who was studying to be a vet and he said parrots smell amazing. He made it sound like he was bothering them tbh. Just popping into an aviary and sniffing away at their feathers.
Checks Twitter: no JM activity.
Skims Tattle...
Skims a bit more... @SweetTransvestite making some fair comments but nothing major going on. I trust ST so...
Fast forward 10 pages to parrots smelling amazing.
 
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I had vegan haggis tonight because I'm a 100% vegan unlike Jack. MacSweens is my favorite. I hope Jack has never attempted one.
As far as I am concerned Jack attempting any form of haggis is a declaration of war against the Scottish people. I'm honestly thinking of petitioning the Scottish Parliament to change the national anthem to a mass chant of "FUCK OFF JACK".
 
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Off to bed, to dream about ferrets, rats and smelly cats. Oh and flamingos. Goodnight Frau's and Herron's. Jack, no chaos while I'm zedding. Warned!
I was on call last night. I usually stay awake because I get menopausal night sweats and look bloody awful if I get called out. ANYWAY. Once I finished my night I had some breakfast and completely conked out. I had the most awful vivid dream about rats. Eeeeee. They were everywhere. Pouring out of the walls, coming up through the floor, in cupboards. I don't know what this might mean but don't have that dream .
 
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My dog smells like an old lady's chest of drawers when he's been to the groomers, full on Yardleys Lily of the Valley talc. Soppy little sod
My cat naturally smells like old-fashioned talc on his sides. He's a very fragrant boy. He looks a bit like Cooper but he's never disappeared for more than 12 hours at a time.
 
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now I'm going to show my age (ancient) I had an Afghan coat in the 70's. If it rained and got wet it smelled like wet labrador dog
 
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My dog smells like an old lady's chest of drawers when he's been to the groomers, full on Yardleys Lily of the Valley talc. Soppy little sod
When my sister's oldest dog comes back from the fancy groomers in his little bow tie smelling like yardley we sing to him . Obviously he loves it and isn't offended at all.

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Awwww. Look at us horrible twisted trolls giving Jack some content .

I wouldn't be surprised if she'll come back with some sad old tale about evil LaNdLorDs and being off twitter because EVERYTHING has fallen through. So she's either HOMELESS or going to have to stay in the shitty bungamansion .
 
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We need more Jack content before I end up going to sniff my Guinea pigs.
 
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