Jack Monroe #452 Pulped Fiction

[WoolyMammoth]

Two simple rules I’ve found very helpful re: here/Jack

1. Whenever you think “No! She DIDN’T say/do that?!” the answer is always, always that yes, yes she did.
And
2. Whatever the “it” is, it’s always, always worse than you expect it to be.

And on that note, here’s some further info about the SHE LEFTING

OLD NEWS CHAOI COMPILATION. Not related to current chaoi so fraus may skip if so desired.

Spoiler: She LEFT

as dear tenderstem @BlendedSlop said, LJC LEFT in May 2020 not long after Jack wanted her to camp in a tent the garden.

Jack wanted her to camp in a tent in the MASSIVE garden to pretend to be at a mad wild festival listening to Elbow and smoking garlic. (Oh, and using a she-wee to pee mere feet from her house and its multiple bathrooms. I can’t find that tweet right now but it most definitely exists with ss here somewhere)

This is from May 2nd
View attachment 1858472
From the list of “life skills” she’d coincidentally decided earlier that day that her ten year old child urgently needed to learn, you’d imagine that’s who she expected to put up her “festival” tent, light the BBQ, filter her water, make her “festival” meals with “random pantry ingredients” and chop wood for a campfire. After he’d pruned the foliage to her satisfaction, unblocked all the festival toilets and put up a shelf, but before she sent him off to get lost with a compass and a flask of tea.

View attachment 1858500View attachment 1858501Oh PS SHE RENTS.View attachment 1858474
Then on 15th a new that month Twitter account with no followers posted this before deleting. Hi Jack!
View attachment 1858479
Then not long after Jack was traumatizing the sideboards by draping her flange out all over them in a very errrr “interesting” photo shoot wearing old shapwear and what looked like Louisa’s old sports bra AND that decency forbids me from reposting.

The whole month was…a lot. Here’s a synopsis. Jack still hadn’t confirmed SHE LEFT at this point.

Jack Monroe #19 Is it a show? Miguel's not sure. I am Jack, hear me ROAR!

She just described self love stew as a bowl of slop!😱 It's your own recipe, and you describe it as slop...what the absolute duck (and I am not known for swearing)

tattle.life

Oh, and before the merry merry month of May was out she was still to make chickenless chicken Lingreenie “at” a stone faced Eamonn Holmes in the shed she’d turned into a deathtrap studio. (vid in @Yel’s link)

Jack Monroe #19 Is it a show? Miguel's not sure. I am Jack, hear me ROAR!

Why do TV producers give her air time , it’s abysmal every single time she’s on TV. It has to be the ratings now, just for the car crash tv of it.

tattle.life

(Thanks to @Yel all other fraus past and present who originally immortalized these)

My fave here is "a chat about savings and taxes".

Left here without comment.

Anyway, I missed the whole of the last thread and up to page 11 of this one. But I did have a look earlier at the blue chirping website. It's not been the best day for the other type of blue either. And Trussell saying they won't give the free books out free unless it's changed. Where are the current free books going? Do we know? Or is someone going to remove the offending pages with a chainsaw, in lieu of scissors (why stop at the obvious and least agressive tool for the job), to ensure the book is free of hacks which could get you on the waiting list for stitches down the local A&E?

 

[PickledRadish]

My fave here is "a chat about savings and taxes".

Left here without comment.

babe, same. If my parents had tried to talk to me about taxes when I was 10 I would have voluntarily emancipated myself from their care.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I've missed at least eleventy threads because there's been SO MUCH CHAOS - I'm mostly up to speed I think, but could someone please fill me in on this wonky woman quickly? Is she another Z-list twitter celeb? RL friend of Jack's? Mildly deranged stalker and spiritual successor to space squig?

She's just a Jack stan.

 

[Dogmuck]

She isn't a magician, sweet muck. She can only photograph what is there.

Dear prehistoric big sheep, we have photoshop these days, no need to upset the customers with continuity wigs and dire spuds.

Actually thinking about it, Jack does look great on loads of her book covers and she’s trying to look like a lesbian. This time, when it was photoshoot time, she was being a cock jockey with old Harold and maybe Pat got wind of it and thought I’ll Westboro Baptist Church her up for Lolz?

 

[WoolyMammoth]

babe, same. If my parents had tried to talk to me about taxes when I was 10 I would have voluntarily emancipated myself from their care.

Oh I'd have loved it. I was one of those little morons working out compound interest on my birthday money. Obviously I got all my workings wrong, but I loved the process of feeling like I'd matched 6 numbers and a bonus ball from Bradford and Bingley (rip) from my £5.62.

Dear prehistoric big sheep, we have photoshop these days, no need to upset the customers with continuity wigs and dire spuds.

Actually thinking about it, Jack does look great on loads of her book covers and she’s trying to look like a lesbian. This time, when it was photoshoot time, she was being a cock jockey with old Harold and maybe Pat got wind of it and thought I’ll Westboro Baptist Church her up for Lolz?

Elephant mate. What sort of genetically modied sheep do you have round your way? They must be massive.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Two simple rules I’ve found very helpful re: here/Jack

1. Whenever you think “No! She DIDN’T say/do that?!” the answer is always, always that yes, yes she did.
And
2. Whatever the “it” is, it’s always, always worse than you expect it to be.

And on that note, here’s some further info about the SHE LEFTING

OLD NEWS CHAOI COMPILATION. Not related to current chaoi so fraus may skip if so desired.

Spoiler: She LEFT

as dear tenderstem @BlendedSlop said, LJC LEFT in May 2020 not long after Jack wanted her to camp in a tent the garden.

Jack wanted her to camp in a tent in the MASSIVE garden to pretend to be at a mad wild festival listening to Elbow and smoking garlic. (Oh, and using a she-wee to pee mere feet from her house and its multiple bathrooms. I can’t find that tweet right now but it most definitely exists with ss here somewhere)

This is from May 2nd
View attachment 1858472
From the list of “life skills” she’d coincidentally decided earlier that day that her ten year old child urgently needed to learn, you’d imagine that’s who she expected to put up her “festival” tent, light the BBQ, filter her water, make her “festival” meals with “random pantry ingredients” and chop wood for a campfire. After he’d pruned the foliage to her satisfaction, unblocked all the festival toilets and put up a shelf, but before she sent him off to get lost with a compass and a flask of tea.

View attachment 1858500View attachment 1858501Oh PS SHE RENTS.View attachment 1858474
Then on 15th a new that month Twitter account with no followers posted this before deleting. Hi Jack!
View attachment 1858479
Then not long after Jack was traumatizing the sideboards by draping her flange out all over them in a very errrr “interesting” photo shoot wearing old shapwear and what looked like Louisa’s old sports bra AND that decency forbids me from reposting.

The whole month was…a lot. Here’s a synopsis of chaoi up to 23rd.

Jack Monroe #19 Is it a show? Miguel's not sure. I am Jack, hear me ROAR!

She just described self love stew as a bowl of slop!😱 It's your own recipe, and you describe it as slop...what the absolute duck (and I am not known for swearing)

tattle.life

Oh, and before the merry merry month of May was out she was still to make chickenless Lingreenie with chicken “at” a stone faced Eamonn Holmes in the shed she’d turned into a deathtrap studio. (vid in @Yel’s link)

Jack Monroe #19 Is it a show? Miguel's not sure. I am Jack, hear me ROAR!

Why do TV producers give her air time , it’s abysmal every single time she’s on TV. It has to be the ratings now, just for the car crash tv of it.

tattle.life

(Thanks to @Yel all other fraus past and present who originally immortalized these)

Ayo what the duck is this?

Astroturfed under the stairs? When did content come onto the scene?
As she is known for locking animals into enclosed spaces this boils my piss
Also I'm not surprised LJC made a swift exit after Jack basically destroyed the house

 

[HotesTilaire]

Ayo what the duck is this?

View attachment 1858530

Astroturfed under the stairs? When did content come onto the scene?
As she is known for locking animals into enclosed spaces this boils my piss
Also I'm not surprised LJC made a swift exit after Jack basically destroyed the house

I think she made the cupboard under the stairs into a cupboardio photo studio or some tit which necessitated her putting plastic grass on the floor of it.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Ayo what the duck is this?

View attachment 1858530

Astroturfed under the stairs? When did content come onto the scene?
As she is known for locking animals into enclosed spaces this boils my piss
Also I'm not surprised LJC made a swift exit after Jack basically destroyed the house

In fairness if I asked my OH to go camping they would probably LEAVE with parting words similar to "I don't want to stay in a fabric bag worse than our house and still be paying for our house". The eyes would roll so hard they might fall out and slide away like a pair of marbles making a break for it.

Unless you are a child at a sleepover, why would you want to buy and pitch a tent just to be looking straight back at your house, whilst being crawled over by ants. Literally only of interest to someone who isn't allowed to go out of the garden alone.

 

[imBUSY]

Recreating a festival? I thought she hated Glastonbury. Or was it just the crowds of povs?

 

[Mr Krabs]

My fave here is "a chat about savings and taxes".

Left here without comment.

To be fair she’s an excellent cautionary tale. It’s like when they send drug addicts to schools to tell you why you shouldn’t take drugs. All SB has to do is the complete opposite of everything mamapapa did financially and he’ll be fine.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I'm crying

 

[Potatoes O’Houlihan]

tbh if I were Jack, I’d be terrified of Shonky - something’s definitely not right with that one. It goes beyond yer common-or-garden stan *shudder*
Hope everyone is enjoying/enjoyed their Griftmas Day, TOOT TOOT

 

[imBUSY]

Vlad is ON FIRE tonight

 

[WoolyMammoth]

tbh if I were Jack, I’d be terrified of Shonky - something’s definitely not right with that one. It goes beyond yer common-or-garden stan *shudder*
Hope everyone is enjoying/enjoyed their Griftmas Day, TOOT TOOT

That asymmetrical has spent a lot of time stuck in a soundproof crysallis reading the comments club I think.

Mod Edit:
Best if we move on from discussing and identifying small twitter accounts.
Thank you

 

[That Forensic Man]

I think she made the cupboard under the stairs into a cupboardio photo studio or some tit which necessitated her putting plastic grass on the floor of it.

Sounds really dodgy to me, with the airing cupboard stuff I just assume the worst there, she has form for it
I know of people puting astroturf down on balconies or similar for the reasons I'm implying but never under the stairs
Big hmm

In fairness if I asked my OH to go camping they would probably LEAVE with parting words similar to "I don't want to stay in a fabric bag worse than our house and still be paying for our house". The eyes would roll so hard they might fall out and slide away like a pair of marbles making a break for it.

Unless you are a child at a sleepover, why would you want to buy and pitch a tent just to be looking straight back at your house, whilst being crawled over by ants. Literally only of interest to someone who isn't allowed to go out of the garden alone.

Not only asked them to camp in the garden but also trashed the house probably to spite them
I've been in a 'similar' situation once before where a partner was trying to make the conditions untenable so I'd leave (a kind of constructive dismissal)
Why else would Jack go so far out of her way to cause issues

 

[hoopdedoo]

Recreating a festival? I thought she hated Glastonbury. Or was it just the crowds of povs?

I can't say that blasting your stereo in a grassy yard in a tent with fairy lights all by yourself sounds like any festival I'm familiar with.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Sounds really dodgy to me, with the airing cupboard stuff I just assume the worst there, she has form for it
I know of people puting astroturf down on balconies or similar for the reasons I'm implying but never under the stairs
Big hmm


Not only asked them to camp in the garden but also trashed the house probably to spite them
I've been in a 'similar' situation once before where a partner was trying to make the conditions untenable so I'd leave (a kind of constructive dismissal)
Why else would Jack go so far out of her way to cause issues

It was the “wild wee-ing” what done for LJC I think.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I bet the Mrs Buckets of Thorpe Bay were terribly impressed by Jackfest. Who wouldn’t enjoy listening to Jack honking along to the radio late into the night?

No doubt the guitar was dusted off and made an appearance too.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Saw Marm's screenshots previously showing Grifty Kitchen had dropped to #110

Just checked the amazon charts and in the immortal almost words of Kesha

It's going down, I'm yelling TOOT TOOT

Spoiler: Zetta

If you've been promised a delicious home cooked meal in the last 24 hours by your other half... perhaps it's time for a quick chat

Just caught my new can opener

View attachment 1858482

You fool... you were supposed to acquire 4 Carabinae beetles! Now you'll have to go hungry - devoid of egg rings, unable to open your can of hoops, and possessed of entirely too many fingers. Stop getting poverty wrong!

 

[Jelly Bean]

I remember crappy Bungalow fest, and got the distinct impression LJC was fed up with Jack way before that. Jack being wacky and camping in the garden seemed very pointed and petulant. I think that relationship was in its death throes by then.