Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

[Foxvint]

its mad how quickly she went from binders / wanting to have her breasts removed to posting thirst trap photos of her baps on twitter to half a million people, 50% of whom are manky middle aged pervy neckbeards

It must be very rare for a gender questioning person to be so comfortable with the most female indicating body parts that she'd find it funny that someone would shout perky blinders about them. Almost as if that too was complete bollox and about nothing more than ticking another box to try to be The Special One.

Not only does Jack not have a job but neither do her massive bunch of friends cos they're able to party til 5am on a Wednesday. It would be envy inducing if it was true. But it's not. So it isn't.

 

[Lalalalalalalalalalala]

I can't believe I have to say this but don't freeze glass bottles. I learnt this the hard way

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Tender ones, I fear I am beyond the help of even four therapists on speed dial. Tonight, I made the banana peel pancakes & there is insufficient mind bleach to unsee the things I witnessed tonight in my own little sanctuary I have previously called home. Even the squabbling cats are too traumatised to keep up their feline warfare.

Spoiler alert; I made this exactly as per the recipe until the very end when I got a bit agitated by what was going on in my own kitchen… Also, I have no idea how to do the spoiler alert stuff so apologies for dragging unsuspecting victims to join my complete mental breakdown & very recent serious concussion (as in last hour from banging head against a convenient wall as the gloop gradually turned beige & even more unappetising)

1) Recipe

2) Finely sliced bananas (with skin as she only retrospectively informs the reader to finely chop the skin separately

3) Pop banana slices in a bowl with the milk & oil

4) Beat well with the tines (prongs) of a fork. Not entirely sure how you would beat it with anything else, like the handle, but I’m just a simpleton in the kitchen c/w our Jackie

5) Oh, I was meant to realise I should have peeled the bananas first Oh well, lucky I’ve got one of them bullet gadgets that you so helpfully suggest after I’ve mashed banana peel until my crumbly wrists disintegrated. I digress

6) Add flour & beat well to combine to a thick smooth batten (stet)


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Omg - you’ve made her some down pipe for the forever home bedroom!

ps what made it that shade of grey?

 

[Tabitha D]

I notice that the blurb on Jack’s shite new book says “120 brand new recipes”. But that’s not true, is it, if she’s recycling the Del Monte recipes she did 18 months ago (as someone pointed out in the last thread).
I wonder how many other recipes in this book are re-runs from things she’s already posted. Quite a few, I reckon. Cos that could be a bit of an issue - the blurb is leading people to think it’s all-new stuff. If the blurb is not accurate, they have a real problem.
Also, Del Monte (the gullible fools) actually *paid* Jack to produce those recipes, and at the time they were billed as “exclusive”. So they may not be best pleased she’s using them for a book. I wonder if their contract with her even allows it. I hope she’s at least given them a credit.
p.s. as for the advice to open a tin can with a knife and mallet - that is absolute lunacy and she deserves to be called out on it as publicly as possible.

 

[Lazarus]

Does Jack recognise that foodbank users aren’t knuckle dragging imbeciles without the brain cells they were born with?
she is showing her own ignorance in all this crap about not having tin openers. I’ve been reflecting on it this morning instead of doing mandatory online training.
police officers, supermarket workers, nurses, firefighters, teachers, taxi drivers, the unemployed, the retired: all using foodbanks.
She seems to portray an image of people who are utterly feckless and hopeless and have literally nothing to their name.

 

[Foxvint]

Going back to the thread to Elon. This cutesy gif just seems so twee to post when she’s saying she’s genuinely afraid View attachment 1837830

Also restraining orders is an American thing. Here they're called non-molestation orders. Which she'd know if she'd ever been in *actual* danger. I was awarded 1 against my ex, fuckin offensive putting people with the temerity to dislike you in that bracket

 

[Spanner]

“The promise that we would do something else one day” - coughing up a lung imagining the amount of time Dame Viv must have spent avoiding her. The sign of relief all round on the switchboard at Westwood HQ now Jack will stop calling them about that “promise”

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

I can't get over how truly shit the new book is. Fraus have covered off the dangerous nature of some of the advice which, in and of itself, should be sufficient reason to withdraw the book from sale.
But even the bits that aren't a safety hazard are just so stupid.
I can't remember the last time I used my grater (a key bit and/or piece). But a chopping board is a "might want to add, at some point"?
NO Jack. WARNED. Don't be advising people to chop food on their evil landlord/landlady's benchtops!

 

[Geetbo]

Jack is like those insufferable people on Twitter, well she is an insufferable person on Twitter but those ones who have to find fault with any money saving tip any one offers. So someone will Tweet about a good price on something and they'll be right in "but what about people who don't have any money and can't buy before the sale ends". Or if someone shares a cheap recipe they cannot wait to say "but what about people who don't have any cooking facilities". I long for someone to snap back "well obviously they can't make the recipe then, are you fucking stupid or something?" but no one ever does.

Ugh yes. Like pricks who quote you and say "in your opinion." Of course it's my fucking opinion, who else's is it gonna be?

 

[Lalalalalalalalalalala]

OK Canal, I'm bored and ill so have a fun hypothetical for you. Here goes...

Your grownup child has been a bit wayward recently and you've grown concerned. In the last 3 month else they appear to have settled down and finally they tell you - they've met someone special! They think this might be 'the one'. You're so happy for them. They want you to meet this special person. They invite you over for dinner. Excited, you arrive on the doorstep just in time. Your child opens the door and brings you through telling you all about the special dinner their partner has cooked. You walk into the dining room. There, standing in front of a bowl of brown slop with a shit-eating grin on their face is your child's new partner. It's Jack!

What do you do?!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Jack's just going to embarrass herself for the rest of her life, isn't she?

This is a real problem with people like Jack, they really seem to miss the deeper parts in almost everything. There's no sacrificing their own comfort for a greater cause. It's all about getting cool points and impressing other people.

Oh dearest tender one MCM. Chapeau!

BIB thread title nomination!

MCM, this one’s for you xxx

Spoiler

 

[Livia Fantasy]

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One of my three all-time favourite tweets along with:

and

 

[Emmapism]

Guessing Jack didn't like being called a rich tea biscuit.

Fun and wild? Alright little miss glasto stab vest.

Ya boring

 

[Shimmering]

I'm still wanging on about the tuna tin egg rings. I'm frickin OBSESSED.

Found this online. Dorothy from Tennessee. Really makes you think.

 

[PickledRadish]

Surprised she hasn’t (yet) had a squig calling out how grossly offensive Jack taking Viv up on her offer would have been, given her previous comments about DC’s son. *If* she did get that invitation (big if) then regardless of a prior SpEaKiNg EnGaGeMeNt she should have turned it down without question.

That she considered doing that after the utterly appalling thing she said is fucking reprehensible. This is my latest aneurysm. The ink on her supposed apology to Samantha Cameron probably wasn’t even dry and she wanted to roll up in a tank!! WTAF!

 

[That Forensic Man]

She is so tricksy. In HH2 which she cites here as saying she isn't poor, she wangs on about no shampoo and using solar lights.
With PayPal details attached
Can she begin to grasp why people might be confused?

I think at this point Jack is pathologically unable to reconcile her intention with HH2 versus how it was universally received
So all she can do is quadruple down

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Thanks @Marmalade Atkins and @MaineCoonMama I never would have reached this conclusion on my own but it all makes sense now

Everything about Jack is mortifying tbh but the “my friend” thing makes my arse clench involuntarily. You don’t have friends, Jack, you have people who are briefly useful to you before you discard them.

Also as mentioned by someone already, why is she “friends” with yobs who’ll draw attention to her tits by yelling “PERKY BLINDERS” when she enters a room? Like a) it’s not fucking 2002 in a lad’s mag and b) would someone who apparently needs security to traverse the retirement community she lives in want to be made conspicuous like this? The fact that supposedly smart people can see tweets like this in close succession and not see that 2+2=344 in Jackland infuriates me.

 

[jenny2603]

This is great news! Jack if you’re reading here and I know you are, this guy will be your nemesis. But you’ve got nothing to worry about because everything you do is completely above board, right?

JustPikachoo | Investigating fundraising in the UK

Independent investigations into the misuse of funds in the UK. Publishing reports of suspicious charity and fundraiser data.

justpikachoo.com

I am quite excited about this however I suspect they're going to run into the same problem we and everyone else who has looked into Jack has in that there's not really any publicly available info on cashos like filed accounts. That said and I know it's not a popular opinion in these parts but for me the more people looking into it and sharing their findings the better.

On an unrelated point. It's largely the usual suspects but the Thrifty Kitchen hashtag is turning into a binfire. Publication day is going to be amazing.

 

[The carlin]

NO WAY she didn’t buy them brand spanking new after reading the edgy catalogue description. Her grubby little mitts would have been clicking add to cart faster than a rat up a perpendicular drainpipe.

I’ve highlighted in bold the parts I suspect had particular appeal.

“Add extra attitude to your style with our best-selling checked trousers, back in a punky green design. These classic straight leg trousers feature a funky zip fastening and elasticated waist to help you feel comfy and look fabulous. Dress them up or down depending on your mood to create perfect seasonal looks.”

I think It's the same with those fugly earrings.

She's read the elegantly subversive blurb and went 'that's me that is' and picked them irregardless of what they look like. She the kind of person who drinks out of an 'I'm mad me' mug. Twat!

 

[Ginnygingin]

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Honest to God, her constant use of triplets, intensifiers, alliteration, adverbs, superlatives and suchlike are an English teacher’s worst nightmare. I’m sorry Jack, you’d be getting a big fat ‘U’ in any creative writing task for sure.