This reads like her attempt at a Here, My Dear. The deliberate inaccessibility of the text for Neurodiverse readers is more calculated than the customary refusal to use legible text on insta posts or Alt Text on anything. (One of my many roles has been to create learning resources and legal information for people who aren't necessarily highly literate, NT or who have a spiky profile on raw ability assessments, so I have frequently had to look at utter guff from people paid too much money and identify all the barriers they have put into their text and then rectify matters).
Apart from the colours being difficult to read for many, the way they're spread over the lines and different poorly differentiated colours for some inexplicable reason (to be a cunt to people, I guess) means what a lot of people will glean from that is
Big heavy kitchen scissors
Measuring jug
Grater
Teatowels
Freezer
storage Per- (Rialto?)
Medium (Derek Acorah or Doris Stokes?)
Huge non- (Sister Felicite spuurtbustler or Sister Cecilia Wangbucklefiddlesticks of the Blessed Lady of Direspuduella? Oh. non. Not nun. And we really shouldn't be bodyshaming women religious whether they have taken solemn vows or simple)
Couple of roasting (roasting what? Chestnuts on an open fire? Conkers because all chestnuts are interchangeable?)
Jars
Knife sharpener (what for? Didn't see a knife in the first list - because it's been made to recede into the background)
Metal serving spoon
Griddle pan
excellent for pancakes (WHAT? What is excellent for pancakes? The griddle pan?)
Small bullet blender, or powerful jug (THE PUNCTUATION SUCKS. And what is a powerful jug?)
Masher Cake Tin (What? What's a masher cake tin? Do they sell them in the 99p shop? Is there a recipe for Masher cake in this pamphlet?)
Casse- (Is this misspelled German now?)
Extra knives (Extra in what sense? As in Zombie hunters? Butter knives? Pen knives like the one she reckons she walks around London carrying?)
Small veg chopper (Already spunked seventy quid on a bullet blender on her say so. But don't have a kitchen knife, so maybe that's how you slice onions, by putting them whole and unpeeled into the small veg chopper?)
Several food-safe spray bottles (What the fuck are they? Are they in the pound shop as well? What colours do they come in - and shouldn't be some recipes before they start being sprayed?)
Electric Whisk Digital (have we gone on to What Three Words locations now? Because that's in the arctic end of Norway)
Spatu- (Wasn't that one of the things that was said to Gort in the original The Day The Earth Stood Still?)
la/fish slice (Yes, it was - 'Gort! Spatu - lafish slice, spatu - lafish slice')
Slow cooker.
this is actually super interesting as I genuinely don't know how you'd flag this or who would care (its the HOLIDAYS OK I switched my brain off for xmas). HSE and regulations/guidance are more for occupational h&s (but an organisation is still responsible for keeping the public safe on their premises etc etc), so I guess if anything the beef would be with the publisher.
at this bit of detective work by a squig. The Mumsnet Madness account (63k followers) tweeted out this mystery and a squig has pointed the finger of suspicion at our smol friend.
