Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

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MediaMonkey

WARNED: Needs singing while imagining you are wearing a Jack Spitting Image mask:

It’s the time of year, now that snow is in the air,
When those two wet tits, with their Toni & Guy hair,
Make another song for Monroeic holidays,
That nauseate hate, hate in a million different ways,
From the shores of Southend, to the coast of Southern France,
No matter where you hide, you just can’t escape this dance…

Hold a carabiner in the air, stick a dishcloth up your nose,
Find a big puddle, and then find all your clothes!
Paint your kitchen wall green, then extract your facetuned rack,
Form a string quartet, and pretend your name is Jack!

Skint yourself live, learn to speak a tale of woe,
Hide behind a dog, and request a casho!
Cosplay a real poor, with stalking in your fears,
Casserole your stan, pretend you’re Ray Mears!

The dildo is vibrating, the honk is loud and grating,
It’s truly nauseating, let's do the grift again!
 
Reactions: 45

TheDragonWithAFlagon

Griftymcgriftface said:
The tank story is such a load of shite. Viv of course isn’t here to deny it
Click to expand...

Especially as the rental company don't have anything with seating for another person in the gun turret (they even say that the tank model in question doesn't have extra seats in one of their slightly weird blog posts). It's like me saying that I was invited to copilot a fucking Spitfire to hauk a big greenie flob over Tommy Robinson's orangery glass. Doesn't mean that somebody couldn't do that, but that there was no way anybody else would have been in there at the time (even if it was the two seater trainer conversion).
 
Reactions: 47

Madonna_Claws

Making it all about herself. As usual.

I'm surprised she hasn't tweeted yet about the time she and SB bumped into Pele on Southend rec and she wowed him with her ball skills and oh how they hooted when SB misunderstood the phrase "onion bag"

Spoiled the Viv (RIP) gag though...
 
Reactions: 79

LadyGarden

Can I just mention that whenever I click on a Guardian article and it asks me to donate/sign up I softly, gently, painstakingly click the 'x' whilst saying "that's for supporting and promoting a grifter"

Considering she proclaims her love for Viv there's no way she would have passed up the opportunity to share a tank with her to storm Cameron's house. That's like saying I'd have turned down the opportunity to have a drink with Keith Flint because I had to take stuff to the tip.

https://giphy.com/EouEzI5bBR8uk
 
Reactions: 81

BeautifulTrauma

Speaking of football, how come the biggest Liverpool fan to ever exist in the world ever and has been to TWO WHOLE GAMES in her 25 years of supporting them despite having more money than most….hasn’t tweeted anything about them signing Cody Gakpo from under the noses of Man Utd who’d been flirting with signing him for six months?
 
Reactions: 48

Penelope_Ghent

There is no way on gods green earth that Jack would have put herself in this position. She’d have been terrified of being arrested by the po-po.
 
Reactions: 47

zetta buttons

I’ve just found a garmin from looking back on her Insta to September 2015.

And some cringe fest picture of her eating fish and chips alone saying it was the best she ever had. Gives me Edinburgh tongue out 2020 vibes (the picture is actually from
Grazia but at this point I don’t care).
 
Reactions: 34

TheDragonWithAFlagon


Hold an iPhone in the air, stick a substance up your nose
Bitch about the cold, then stand in snow and wiggle toes
Claim you're poor as dirt, make egg rings from Tuna cans
Blame it on your Mum cos she's kinder poorer than Granddad.
 
Reactions: 51

Nurseali

Why does she think she has a weird body. Looks like a normal body to me. Shocked she has never claimed body dysmorphia as she says negative stuff about her body a lot.


And now I start to feel sorry for her. Someone remind me she is a cunt please.
 
Reactions: 51

Spanner


“The promise that we would do something else one day” - coughing up a lung imagining the amount of time Dame Viv must have spent avoiding her. The sign of relief all round on the switchboard at Westwood HQ now Jack will stop calling them about that “promise”
 
Reactions: 75

jenny2603

The Viv tank thing is like that time Jack thought she'd received a text from Jeremy Corbyn because she doesn't know what a mailing list is. This time of year must be very challenging for her "wow all these shops keep offering me a personal discount of up to 50%".
 
Reactions: 113

matchakitkat

God, Jack is so naff. Wonder if Jack could bench press Viv??
 
Reactions: 37

elepal

Hunger Hurts 2
RIP Viv 2

Any more sequels in the works, Jackie luv?
 
Reactions: 32
S

stunrw

TheDragonWithAFlagon said:
Hold an iPhone in the air, stick a substance up your nose
Bitch about the cold, then stand in snow and wiggle toes
Claim you're poor as dirt, make egg rings from Tuna cans
Blame it on your Mum cos she's kinder poorer than Granddad.
Click to expand...
You are a fucking genius

Absolutely dead
 
Reactions: 26

zetta buttons

I know we are all sad but I think we need to pause and look at a) this monstrosity from near enough 7 years ago and b) see who has liked it. This woman (not squigged because she has a blue tick) is AMAZING at making pies. I mean, properly amazing. What on earth is she doing liking Jack’s fucking prune rendered shite?

 
Reactions: 80
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