Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

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Mother of God!!!!! I had never watched the Boulevaaaaaard video before, as I didn't think I could take it.

I've just had a look.... Lasted 5 seconds. It's absolutely dreadful!!! What a bigheaded arsehole!!! She's a joke
 
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How long exactly has she had to write this? Over two years, isn't it?
 
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I’m just cringing at her pretending that she’s been given a nickname. Ooh. Don’t go there Jack. Nobody thinks you look like a Peaky Blinder. Stop it.
I don’t know Peaky Blinders so I’ve had to imagine an equivalent.

Jack dons a beanie cap and hoodie and asks her squigs to guess who she is “being”.

“Costume party on Sunday … I haven’t brought my meth test tubes, I’m clumsy enough!”

Slowly the divorced dads realise she’s attempting a half-assed cosplay of Jesse from Breaking Bad. Cue lots of sycophantic remarks about her forensic scientific approach and how the show would be Breaking Good with her in it.

A week later Jack posts another selfie of her wearing the beanie cap, boobs proudly thrust forward.

“A night of gratitude and sober loving with a massive gathering of friends. When I walked in, one pal shouted Oi Oi Breaking Baps! I’m still…. Excuse me ha ha I can hardly type… I’m still giggling now!”

IT’S THAT ABSURD
 
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It’s amazing that the thrifty kitchen book is so terrible that there is a murmur of division in the canal about whether it is real.
 
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I appreciate the gesture though because I too woke up from a big nap and thought I was being accused of manically being able to forge a book by Jack. In my fugue state all I could think was “but it doesn’t even sound like a spoof, it’s pretty much exactly what kinda sh*te I was expecting” (albeit the knife/mallet even bamboozled me. I wouldve proffered to just eat toe nail gunk rather than sever my carotid artery opening a tin of beans or having a circular bastard egg which tastes of blood and fish)
 
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Double digit pages behind but dying of shock over oi oi perky Is this the most cringe it’s gotten in >400 threads?! 🫣

Idk if it’s in breach of yellow card to inform you that the only hotties under 60 are definitely not interested in ur perkies. I’d weep if anyone moved to me in a meeting as you’d have to assume they’ve mistaken you for being 30+ years your senior, ugly and/or desperate - tho sadly Jack falls under all of the above so this story could very well be true.
 
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I feel @Deeznutslol has the right name for this mini slopalong
I carefully and painstakingly sat my ingredients together perpendicularly
(pls excuse the tattoo, it was free from a Joe Browns Fashion Puddle)

(Yes, I am using my Pots&Co ramekin, do you want me to be unalived?)

I left the nuts for an hour.
I returned and picked them out with my hand and plopped them on a a per towel. They were soaking wet, and I became somewhat over-vigorous in patting them dry, snapping one of the nuts.

This revealed a sodden outer layer of peanut with a dry inner nut. I sliced a few with a rusty razor as I didn’t have a knife. They all have the sodden outer layer

Finally the taste test. The nuts could not be patted to dryness, and tasted like an “al dente” version of a peanut. The soggy outer layer is gross. However the key taste takeaway is - they DO NOT have a salty aftertaste, or background kick, at all. They are salt-free in every way.

In conclusion, this is a waste of food. I’m not a cook so I dunno if there’s a proper way to unsalt salted peanuts, I imagine rinsing might work? I’ve left a few on the side to see if they ever dry out.

overall, this is a waste of time and food so 1/5
 
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Mr Beacon couldn't believe the excerpt was real Bear in mind this is the man who brought Tin Can't Cook on holiday with us so we could forensically pick apart all the ways in which it was dire and spent a good couple of evenings owl champagning.
 
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I am ashamed to admit that I chopped a fingertip in half down the middle copying a tv chef using a big knife to de-stone an avocado and ended up in A&E. The dr that examined me was Not Amused. Don't mess with knives kids.
 
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Which bit is the lie though? It must be the number of GCSEs surely
The only caveat is we don’t know whether the requirements are the same now as when she’s talking about. They could have tightened or relaxed and unless a knowledgeable Frau was doing something similar to her at the same time, it’s hard to say.
 
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Mr Beacon couldn't believe the excerpt was real Bear in mind this is the man who brought Tin Can't Cook on holiday with us so we could forensically pick apart all the ways in which it was dire and spent a good couple of evenings owl champagning.
Mr Beacon sounds like my kinda man. I’ll foster him if you ever get bored and wanna do a Shirley Valentine for a week in Tenerife!
 
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I favour the "sanctimonious middle-class first-time mum who's not short of an opinion on how everyone else should parent their children" look, myself (although I like to think I only match part of that description...)
Me too, same colour, but I prefer to self-describe my look as "overgrown toddler".
 
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Completely agree.
I looked up tips for opening tins without an opener earlier and there are plenty. (Tbh though none as daft as Jack's). But that is the Internet, youtube etc, and people on the whole know to take it all with a big pinch of salt (or other interchangeable seasoning). But this is in a book, by a verified author (I know, I know) which has presumably been thoroughly tested, proofed, etc etc and on top of that is endorsed by nation's sweetheart Nigella.
Some people will take on trust that the advice is sound. It is a scary thought.
 
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Bit late to the party but why are frau and herren questioning whether the grifty book is real. What have I missed?
 
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