Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

[fauxpoor]

I come to you at 4.20am gobsmacked dear hearts
In this Grifty Kitchen preview (from Google books) she bangs on about forensically analysing different muesli ingredients BUT ADMITS BETWEEN SPRING 2022 AND NOW IT'S OBSOLETE !! If it's wrong tough tit figure it out! She put in a last minute revision to essentially prove there is no VBI !!
This is my aneurysm Jack you bleeping idiot

Thrifty Kitchen

'Jack Monroe is a force for good in the world.' – Nigella LawsonThrifty Kitchen is Jack Monroe’s bumper collection of over 120 brand-new, delicious, low-cost recipes, plus household tricks guaranteed to save you money.Number-one bestselling author and campaigner, Jack is one of the UK’s...

books.google.co.uk

PRICK

In all the mad chaoi Jack Monroe is now telling us to RINSE OUR PEANUTS!!

as you were canal..

 

[That Forensic Man]

https://www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/ppis12.pdf

How to reduce hand knife injuries
Step 1 Elimination
- using a safer cutting tool (deburring tool/scissors)

It's STEP 1 for SPM
Also do not google hand knife injury, especially 'avocado hand'. WARNED.
The risk of severe injury cannot be understated here.

It doesn't even make sense when can opener is in her key list:

 

[JojoJellyfish]

Vlad getting in on the (egg) ring action…

 

[ForgettyBetty]

She likes wet nuts, and she cannot lie

 

[That Forensic Man]

Erm, you’re quite wrong, tenderstem. This from the reviews shows them to be most accommodating. I’m so sorry I can’t spoiler.

You've got a notification in um, that screenshot dear heart

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Erm, you’re quite wrong, tenderstem. This from the reviews shows them to be most accommodating. I’m so sorry I can’t spoiler.

that pic btw, maybe remove detail?

 

[Geetbo]

She likes wet nuts, and she cannot lie

Too early

 

[waffle maker]

I’d forgotten all about Joe Browns. I am so old I honestly thought that it was a super cool shop for cool people. Maybe I wasn’t even cool in my 1990s heyday….

 

[PickledRadish]

I’ve about 35 pages to grunk so apols if this lands somewhere odd.

one of the things that SH1TS me off the most about her is that when she does reply to a kindly, gentle squig, it’s never to reciprocate any goodwill or provide a compliment in return. It’s always an opportunity to write another 50 words about herself.

This tedious Wikipedia article in response to someone saying “looking good Jack!” is about the cleanest example of her narcissism I can think of.

And from this morning’s “I sleep on a sofa cos I’m POOR” grift, could she not have softly, gently said something nice about the squig’s dog or its toy instead of elevenerifing it? bleep

 

[Valiofthedolls]

If she was working in a bar or McDonald's for min wage, there is no way she could afford the rent on that house which she has admitted is £1500pcm. And not to mention that most retail/hospitality entry-level positions are part-time/zero hours in order to take advantage of single parents who are desperate to top up their benefits.

She hasn't got a clue how the other half live, and her followers are just as awful as her.

I’m fairly sure she hasn’t applied for a “normal” job since 2012, but if she had it certainly wouldn’t be at entry level.

Even at the height of the poverty (when she was trudging around performatively handing out CVs instead of applying online) and reducing herself to applying for a job at OF ALL PLACES (wait for it) Ann Summers (shudder), it was as Assistant Manager. A job for which she had zero experience or skill set and by her own account acted like a twit. Wonder why they didn’t want her?

And if the below was ever true about her, my how things have changed… (SPOILER: I don’t think it was ever true). Heartening to see that even back then she thought of herself as “generally brilliant” tho.

Also lol that she has “management experience” (probably got it during her degree)

Linky link. Love how she couldn’t manage childcare for her fire service job but could easily manage it for some of these. And I can’t decide whether “Kwik Fit Fitter” or “jobs I’m overqualified for” is the best bit, so I’ll leave it to y’all.

I'm Going On A Job Hunt

I'm going on a job hunt, I'm going on a job hunt, I'm not scared, i'm not scared... So, for what feels like the millionth time since I left the Fire Service, I'm trawling the Internet and the High ...

web.archive.org

 

[Shawads]

“Oi oi! Been ordering from your Mum’s Joe Browns catalogue again, Jack?”

Good triangulation, I'd planned to 'research' them trews at some point. No offence to any frau fans but I really hate Joe browns

 

[Lucky Escape]

I really wish she'd considered people who might have a 'physical, violent discomfort response' to 'loud, sharp or harsh noises' before she inflicted 'BOOOOOOOULEVAAAAAAAARD' on us all.

 

[Shawads]

I thibk

I’m fairly sure she hasn’t applied for a “normal” job since 2012, but if she had it certainly wouldn’t be at entry level.

Even at the height of the poverty (when she was trudging around performatively handing out CVs instead of applying online) and reducing herself to applying for a job at OF ALL PLACES (wait for it) Ann Summers (shudder), it was as Assistant Manager. A job for which she had zero experience or skill set and by her own account acted like a twit. Wonder why they didn’t want her?

View attachment 1837621

And if this was ever true, my how things have changed… (SPOILER: I don’t think it was ever true)

View attachment 1837642

Also lol that she has “management experience” (probably got it during her degree)

Linky link. Love how she couldn’t manage childcare for her fire service job but could easily manage it for some of these. And I can’t decide whether “Kwik Fit Fitter” or “jobs I’m overqualified for” is the best bit, so I’ll leave it to y’all.

I'm Going On A Job Hunt

I'm going on a job hunt, I'm going on a job hunt, I'm not scared, i'm not scared... So, for what feels like the millionth time since I left the Fire Service, I'm trawling the Internet and the High ...

web.archive.org

If she'd applied for as many jobs as she says, she'd definitely have got at least one of them.
Billy bullshitter strikes again

 

[NellieBoo]

This mithering entered my head as I shovelled another slice of fruit cake into my gob:

Celebrity Chefs: 'Wonder what to do with Christmas leftovers or what meals to have during this weird inbetween week? Here's some ideas'.

Jack (Who has a cook book released in a matter of HOURS): 'LOOK AT MY TITS! LOOK!'

 

[Mr Krabs]

Earliest review is August 2021 so that's a quick turnaround from purchase new to charity shop/eBay to Jack's grubby grabby hands
They're only £40 full price, of all the lies to tell
Compulsive I tells ya

Rock Chick Check Trousers

Add extra attitude to your style with our best-selling checked trousers, back in a punky green design. These classic straight leg trousers feature a funky zip fastening and elasticated waist to help you feel comfy and look fabulous. Dress them up or down

www.joebrowns.co.uk

‘Rock chick’ oh my days. I cringed so hard that my arse may never unclench again. Has anyone used that phase since 2002?

Is there a single brand on this earth less edgy than Joe Browns? Fine if you want to dress like an art teacher who spends their weekends teaching classes on the female orgasm I suppose.

 

[Bugger13]

OK Canal, I'm bored and ill so have a fun hypothetical for you. Here goes...

Your grownup child has been a bit wayward recently and you've grown concerned. In the last 3 month else they appear to have settled down and finally they tell you - they've met someone special! They think this might be 'the one'. You're so happy for them. They want you to meet this special person. They invite you over for dinner. Excited, you arrive on the doorstep just in time. Your child opens the door and brings you through telling you all about the special dinner their partner has cooked. You walk into the dining room. There, standing in front of a bowl of brown slop with a tit-eating grin on their face is your child's new partner. It's Jack!

What do you do?!

Grab the Henry hoover & start vacuuming.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

She likes wet nuts, and she cannot lie

bleeping HELL, am actually out loud at work

Thread title

 

[Naboo The Enigma]

[

I’ve about 35 pages to grunk so apols if this lands somewhere odd.

one of the things that SH1TS me off the most about her is that when she does reply to a kindly, gentle squig, it’s never to reciprocate any goodwill or provide a compliment in return. It’s always an opportunity to write another 50 words about herself.

This tedious Wikipedia article in response to someone saying “looking good Jack!” is about the cleanest example of her narcissism I can think of.

View attachment 1837643
And from this morning’s “I sleep on a sofa cos I’m POOR” grift, could she not have softly, gently said something nice about the squig’s dog or its toy instead of elevenerifing it? bleep

View attachment 1837646

What an adorable little dog!

There you go Jack, that's how you interact with your followers without coming across as a complete bleep

 

[Amanda Lin]

Lads, I think we are about to find out what happens in Dordrecht..

Sergeant Catherine Cawood is investigating

New series Happy Valley in the new year. TOOT TOOT Mofos.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Smart tartan trazzers with a comfort elasticated waistband

View attachment 1837611

Please please please can someone triangulate this jacket. She wears it ALL the time so it must be spenny. It's been bothering me just as much as that poxy lamp.