Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

[Polly Morphus]

Sorry for the Viv merail and my total inability to spoiler.
About 700 years ago I had a partner who took the utter piss out of me for almost a decade. On one enormously expensive trip to London (paid for by me, like all the other times I paid, yada yada I KNOW) we went to see the Viv exhibition at the V&A. It was just….heavenly. Early on dickhead says ‘I don’t get it’. At that moment, frauen, I knew he was not for me. So that was the end of that. Fast forward some years and I met the present Mr 3TT. He asked me to marry him, I said yes please (trying not to bite his hand off) He asked if he could buy my wedding dress (not choose, but pay for) and that’s how I ended up as a bride dressed in Viv and also, for some bonus points but please don’t hate me, how come he has bought me something beautiful from Viv every birthday since. I have 4 dresses now and lots of other brilliant bits. What I fail to understand about JM is that she found all those perfectly fitting Vivs in a remarkably unusual charity shop and yet she still wore that fucking diabolical big suit to get an award recently and declared herself looking ‘banging’. No. No you didn’t. You want to wear your Viv, love.

Sorry for the off topic, but Dame Viv!!!
I was at a concert in the Albert Hall years ago and she was in the next box, surrounded by lovely young(ish) men, all sipping champagne and having the best time. I caught her eye and raised my glass to her, she winked and did the same. Fangirl blushes as I have always loved her clothes. I've got an original SEX jacket somewhere in my parents house... yeah, I'm that old.

 

[HotesTilaire]

In all the mad chaoi Jack Monroe is now telling us to RINSE OUR PEANUTS!!

as you were canal..

Hi lads, as a borderline slopalong advert, I’m just popping some salted peanuts in a ramekin with water for an hour to test this hack. See you all again at 7.45pm with the outcome!

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Well what’s going to be Jacks excuse for not going to Viv’s funeral then being best mates and all !

'Security concerns'.

 

[Day3TShirt]

Yesterday’s efforts to argue with trolls and disprove those pesky receipt holders did NOT go to plan. Quick, deploy boobs and Content as a distraction!

 

[Jelly Bean]

Morning Jack
She's not even tagged in this reply so the "leave me alone" is a bit fuckin rich

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Good luck squig

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She is so tricksy. In HH2 which she cites here as saying she isn't poor, she wangs on about no shampoo and using solar lights.
With PayPal details attached
Can she begin to grasp why people might be confused?

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Jack plain lost the plot. We did a thread in 14 hours. Just go and read it, lots of ss, it'll be quicker. You may need to keep yesterday's jaw tape to hand if you have hard floors.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I’ve about 35 pages to grunk so apols if this lands somewhere odd.

one of the things that SH1TS me off the most about her is that when she does reply to a kindly, gentle squig, it’s never to reciprocate any goodwill or provide a compliment in return. It’s always an opportunity to write another 50 words about herself.

This tedious Wikipedia article in response to someone saying “looking good Jack!” is about the cleanest example of her narcissism I can think of.

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And from this morning’s “I sleep on a sofa cos I’m POOR” grift, could she not have softly, gently said something nice about the squig’s dog or its toy instead of elevenerifing it? Cunt

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The last bit of the first screenshot makes no sense whatsoever. How is that a "TV industry tip: courtesy of 10 years of lovely make up artists"?? She's describing how she dresses well when she feels like shit, and wearing trackies and stuff when she's feeling OK. Why would a TV make up artist give you that 'tip'? It's just totally randomly suggesting, falsely, that she's been in the "TV industry" for ten years.

 

[HotesTilaire]

How much would it cost to get Hugh Dennis on Cameo, dressed as Lynn Faulds-Wood to do the “and that could be…a potential death trap, Jack!” as a clip. We could tweet it to everyone trying to shill Grifty Kitchen. Reclaim the pass-agg tweeting from Jack.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Are we absolutely certain these hacks are true. Yes I’ve seen the Google book review etc. things can be spoofed. As many have said. How would they even pass editing (if they did then I’m double shocked). So until I see an actual copy. Or a statement from the publisher I’m kind of not buying it really (much as yes it’s not unbelievable because it’s J. But. No)

If somebody has spent their Christmas spoofing multiple pages of a book and photoshopping previously unseen photos of Jack, then uploading them to Google and Apple book archives, I will go and buy a spenny bottle of champers and try to catch the owl who shows up outside mine every night. And share a glass with the spoofer.

I get what you are saying but the likelihood is that the statement coming from the publisher will be about this book's withdrawal from sale. For legal reasons e.g. their Public Liability insurance policy won't begin to cover the possible law suits should they permit it to reach the public.

 

[streby]

This ^

but also I literally don’t know a single person in real life who owns multiple high end designer dresses, not one. I think I’m posh when I shop at Hush. She really lives in a parallel universe.

You just don't shop in the right puddles.

 

[That Forensic Man]

 

[jenny2603]

She's getting eaten alive on the bird app
Mallet knife is the new meta
Bonus peaky blinders lore

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jack monroe - Twitter Search / Twitter

archived 29 Dec 2022 19:46:06 UTC

archive.md

Some of the usual suspects have got hold of the #ThriftyKitchen hashtag. It's only a matter of time before this descends into a total shitshow and Jack goes tonto.

 

[MavisBeacon]

More JacksHacks...
If you don't have a 80p sieve, strain your pasta through a bike helmet. I'm a bit lazy so I don't bother to clean mine first , I find the dandruff flakes act as a thrifty substitute for parmesan, so that's a two for one saving!
In a pinch, you can mash potatoes with a hammer - I know it sounds crazy but I've tried!
One day while cooking for Mary Portas, I ran out of oil (not olive oil, that stuff is rancid) so I popped a bit of WD40 in the pan instead. Worked a treat!

 

[ChickenPorridge]

How many times is she gonna try to convince everyone she sleeps on the sofa? And for what?

 

[Geetbo]

Oh goody, the chaos continues into today.

I also have no egg rings. Send tinnos/cashos.

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

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For ‘diary clash’ read couldn’t be arsed to get my bone idle self out of my pit, because ‘reasons’. Not that I believe there ever was an invitation.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Can anyone make my life and do a mock up of Timmy Mallet bonking Jack on the head with his mallet please because every time I think of having a random mallet lying about to open a tin I have a hooting fit.

Timmy Mallet ought to appear behind her and bonk her on the head every time she lies from now to eternity

 

[That Forensic Man]

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Vivienne Westwood drives tank to Cameron's home in fracking protest

Designer drives military vehicle through Witney to Chadlington, Oxfordshire, to carry out a fake ‘chemical attack’

www.theguardian.com

Jack tweeted the lawn story in 2020 but I can't be bothered going back for the receipts.

So she planned to drive a tank to David Cameron's house (in pursuit of a fun and wild life) a year after the Ivan Cameron incident, disgusting
I thought we were making meaningful connections with people over common ground

 

[jenny2603]

WO-AH

Now I have Kim Wilde stuck in my head.

Egg rings in America WO-AH for thread title nomination.

 

[SendReceive]

RIP Viv. No, seriously, RIP Viv.