Jack Monroe #444 Jack's constant inner conflict over wanting to be simultaneously envied and pitied

[Penelope_Ghent]

Make sure you do this with a really sharp knife. What could possibly go wrong?

View attachment 1835640

Did no one with any cooking/safety knowledge read this book in advance? I am aghast at the terrible advice it’s containing. Not just stupid and time consuming but downright dangerous.

 

[Bwidge]

Is 77p what she gets for a £1 a month subscription, because, if it is, she just said she only has one person paying that.

 

[jenny2603]

She really has never been poor has she

And also knows fuck all about foodbanks. If you were handed tins that required an opener the volunteer would happily sub them for ring pull tins if you told them you couldn't open them. In the highly unlikely event none were available they'd sub in packets or something else that you could use. Sadly foodbanks are used to dealing with people in all kinds of tricky situations whether that's having no power, no cooker, no hob etc and will always try to find a way to help. If Jack had spent the last decade working behind the scenes she'd know this already but she hasn't.

 

[SendReceive]

She’s dropping absolute bangers left right and centre this afternoon.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Still can't find anything. Though I am a techno nob

 

[MooBelle]

Well I'm only halfway through this glorious chaos but a couple of things pop out...
I know we know it is bullshit, but just wanted to say there is no way on earth she's been applying for jobs.
I work in an 'employment adjacent ' field and I go to a lot of job fairs and recruitment days. There are thousands upon thousands of vacancies at the moment, especially in hospitality and care.
She lives in a tourist town with a gazillion bars and restaurants. We've just had Christmas which is basically the busiest time of year for hospitality. Everyone is desperate for staff. She could so easily have got a bar/waitress job that fitted around the one night a week she had her kid stay over.
As for the care industry, it is basically on its knees because of lack of staff retention and failure to recruit new staff. She could walk in to an agency and be at work at the weekend. There would be the dbs but people are so desperate for staff they would probably turn a blind eye until it went through.
Also, get to fuck is anyone paying 77p a month on Patreon.
She is a horrible person, a fraudulent person and a liar.

 

[That Forensic Man]

She’s so fecking daft she probably doesn’t realise they’re paying £1 and she’s getting 77p of it after Patreon cut because there’s only one person who’s negated the system to pay £1! Or….. it’s like that MySpace fella we were all friends with without wanting to be.( I want to say Tom but I don’t know all my Tom’s anymore because of Jack! ) Maybe Patreon pays everyone £1 to make sure their billing works. I’m tipsy. It’s been a loooooong chaos.

https://support.patreon.com/hc/en-gb/articles/360024952552-Patreon-Creator-Plans

British Pounds (£)
£3 or less: 5% + £0.15
Over £3: 3.4% + £0.35

So a £1 patreon tier would be 80p to Jack

ETA I think Jack just inadvertantly admitted to being on Patreon Pro
That's 8% + £0.15 payment processing fee
So a £1 patreon tier would be 77p to Jack
Oops

She would be eligible for this as it says these are the creators who would get the most out of it:

• Full-time creator, earning or expects to earn US$2500 (£1,775) a month or more on Patreon
• Has an engaged audience of at least 100K followers on a social platform
• Has team members that help manage your page

Pricing | Patreon

Patreon is the best place for creators to build memberships by providing exclusive access to their work and a deeper connection with their communities.

www.patreon.com

 

[Lucky Escape]

This appears to confirm that she's changed agent, and that her deal for two more books after Grifty Kitchen has been withdrawn.

 

[streby]

Not being rude but ffs come on, this shit isn’t remotely based in reality. In fact I think Bear Grylls does something like this with a snake skin? Like I’m sorry but there is a welfare state and there are charities in position to help people who’ve got nothing at all, no it’s not perfect but I’m sorry no one in the UK in 2022/3 needs to do this and it’s appalling this has been published?

This is honestly something you’d see in ch4 news reporting on a humanitarian crisis like people surviving bombings or in huge refugee camps?

It's a bit Take-A-Break tip where you're told how to save some tiny amount of money by using something more expensive as a "hack." Where am I getting this fairly large clean square of cotton from? Am I supposed to use my clothes for this? And the tin opener thing is even worse. I've never not owned a tin-opener, but a hammer is for many people one of those "ask if your neighbour has one" things. Also someone's getting that knife in their eye, aren't they? Just buy a fucking tin opener!

Edit: And am I just cutting off fraying edges from my pillowcase dishcloths (weird fabric choice) or am I hemming them with glue? Which is it, Jack? Tell me, my kids are starving!

 

[Nurseali]

She really is the most rubbish of parents.
Even Katie Price credits her kids as the reason she carries on. Not her fucking dog.

To be worse than KP really is a low.

 

[Emmapism]

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Sorry lads, did not mean to be a massive mood hoover. Now I know how Jack Monroe must make people feel.

You are definitely not a mood hoover. You're funny and brilliant, two things Jack has never been.

 

[Enwre]

View attachment 1836858
I know lots is going on, but I've been ruminating on this for hours now. Egg rings (which tbh I didn't really know were a thing up until now) appear to be all of £2 from Asda, presuming you were desperate for roundy eggs.

And wouldn't a tin, sanded or no, scratch many pans to shit? Proper aneurysm territory for me here.

Why would she have people sanding down metal tins?! Bits of metal dust will end up in the egg white, how is this safe?!
Why if on the bones of your arse would you head to B&Q for sandpaper because having round eggs were a priority?!

What fucking planet does the publisher live on to think this is ok?

 

[Veronicaaa]

She's at the stage now where she's insulting members of the comments club for sticking up for her

 

[Lalalalalalalalalalala]

She's absolutely crazy. Her tweets today have been so irritating. We're in the biggest cost of living crisis, the NHS is on it's knees, the government is not acting on any of it, this is stuff that Jack should be all over. Yet here she is tweeting about made up abuse. Does she not realise that people can see the replies to her tweets? Does she not realise that people have seen NO evidence of all this mystery trolling? I think she secretly wants to be trolled because it would make her feel more important than she is. Instead she's just a nonenity who can't cook and her crazy tweeting is just drawing more and more people's attention to it. The mistake she made was thinking that her small time 'fame' was about her, when really it was just good time, she personified a lot of people's concern about issues that were going on at the time. But now, no one cares. She's like one of those people standing on a box ranting about the end of days thinking she's some kind of saviour, whilst everyone just ignores her and tries to survive the daily grind of real life.

 

[jenny2603]

I think rolling roster of hunks has killed me. That and "firm police advice". Can the police who carried out the "malicious welfare" check come and do an AMA. This is my Dordrecht.

Jack, just because you are so bitter and hateful you have constant violent fantasies about harming people who don't feed your narc delusions doesn't mean that anyone is out to harm you. If I saw you in real life, I'd probably come on here and say something like "I've just seen griftasaurus in real life wearing a pair of humiliating traaaazzzzers". Then we'd all have a laugh at your expense and get on with our day. I appreciate you're from a sheltered background and have a very parochial mindset but being rude about the Tories is pretty much the norm in whole swathes of the country, what feels very transgressive to you in your highly privileged corner of the Tory south, is completely mundane to most people. The whining about the tragedies you claim to have experienced just makes most people want to avoid you because who wants to listen to some fantasist having an attention seeking pity me episode. I have no clue who your four therapists are but they're clearly not working for you, seek alternative help because you are beyond embarrassing.

 

[MavisBeacon]

"lost a child

Wow.
Just wow.
Woooooow.

 

[Geetbo]

Have I entered the twilight realm? JACK MONROE is complaining about people using sock accounts?

 

[Jelly Bean]

What the actual fuck are 'consensual, surprising boobs'?
And why does she hate the English language so much?

 

[Spanner]

The 3 broken engagements but is really making me &

3 in 10 years is like some teenage boy giving out rings from Elizabeth Duke to try and get laid. What a loser

 

[Valiofthedolls]

GOODNIGHT! And I’ll be back in 37 seconds

Some questions…

1. What are (consensual, surprising) boobs? I mean, I’ve got a rrrrather fabulous rack if I do say so myself, but I’m curious as to how I’ve had them for over 2/3 of my life without ever having the slightest inkling how to make them (consensual, surprising). Have I been doing my waps wrong all these years?
( . )( . ) ???

2. Unless she means she dresses at a 90 degree angle to how she’s feeling, can we add perpendicular to the words Jack doesn’t understand?