Jack Monroe #437 C U Next Wednesday

[LadyGarden]

Spoiler: Medical advice for worried ninnies

Massive respect, doc, am mere ambo but it's pretty relentless across the board right now.

I was actually going to post about this, having read all of the concerns on these threads this evening, and suggest that people just don't wait if they're genuinely worried about the salient symptoms; get kid to GP or UCC with concise history of presentation, medications given and any measurements like fevers logged.

Is that advice you'd consider appropriate to keep them out of your A&E?

In addition to prevention of course but I think that goes without saying after Covid!

"mere ambo" my arse- do not ever think that. You are bleeping lifesavers. Thank you x

 

[SweetTransvestite]

That's my 'Fascinating Aida' tickets gone

duck you Dily, duck you

 

[hoopdedoo]

Andy Lynes has said he's going to buy a copy and review it, seeing as no one seems to want to give him a review copy. I cannot wait to read it, as for buying the book I SHAN'T be going further than doing look inside on Amazon and perhaps downloading the free book for sneering purposes.

And for a new round of Slopalong-ing!

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Thank you for all you do @People-huv-tae-know - you’re a diamond.
recap
Jack did a huge thread about Trollclaims - then forgot to post it as her phone ran out of battery or she was painstakingly looking after an unwell SB.
3 Hours later she posted her first of 24 claims.
trolls say I spend £500 on botox on my forehead - I don’t look here’s some makeup lines to prove it.
View attachment 1788199
Here are some recent photos of jacks forehead that she’s posted
View attachment 1788210View attachment 1788208View attachment 1788209

Sorry dear fraus but I've been waiting to say this since I saw the Gordon Ramsay forehead a couple of days ago -
"IT'S bleeping RAW"
Ooh that feels better x

 

[Madonna_Claws]

Hang on, so she "wear the tights and the leggings for a few days... hang[ing] them up to air overnight to freshen them up", and yet "In the evenings, I keep the leggings and long sleeved top on under my pyjamas". Which is it, Jack? Which is it? Am I supposed to wear the leggings until they walk themselves to the laundry basket? When do I air them, as obviously due to Pov I only have one pair. What happens during the time the leggings are in the wash? Does Jack want me to literally FREEZE TO DEATH and thus STOP BREATHING? (Obviously you'll be able to tell I've stopped breathing as you won't see my breath in the cold air. Another handy time-saver, cheers Jack!)

Mind you, I've already wasted away to nothing waiting for her flipping porridge recipe...

She obviously wants me to STOP POSTING too judging by the strikethrough cock-up...

 

[FunnyFuneral]

View attachment 1788241

Oh duck off Jack you absolute bell end. I expect she has been watching Monkey Life on the telly and trying to appropriate the life of a chimpanzee rescued from a life of abuse. Just to let you know Jack, no chimps did this. It was the gorilla at London Zoo, Guy I think, and then another I think when Chessington was a zoo. No chimps, and that's a monkey emoji you bleep. Ooh she's boiled my beans and tipped me over the edge with chimpanzees cos play!!

Spoiler: Real VBI

View attachment 1788545

I see Which? have beaten Monwoe to the VBI. Again.

Ah good old Which magazine, my Dad swears by it. Sir Pterry had a few foot note jokes in his books about it too bless him, but it's reliable and Jack can duck off with her non existent Vimes Bollocks Index. My dad introduced me to the joy of Pratchett. I think if there was one thing I had to say made me dislike her (other than pretending to be a chimp as earlier ) it's appropriating the brilliant character of Sam Vimes. And the fact that she has shown miss R P to be no brighter than one if her father's venus fly trap plants for lending his name to the

 

[WolfIrish]

Hyperbolic hypocrite. Narcissistic nonsense.

Looked forward to a chaos and all I got was a worn off botox selfie. Disappointing.

I think I’m still awaiting the diabetic friendly frugal chocolate pancake banana brekkie. What happened Jack?

Also, breadcrumbing strep A is A* bleep behaviour.
(Got that 1/2 of a GCSE precociously, I’d imagine)

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I'd be happy to give the Sloppies a go but tbh I would need a lot of help re the categories because I can't remember everything Jack did this year. And I've never made a website before so it would probably be the yellow sticker version compared to @Switchstreetz estimable work.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Refuting things trolls say is kind of like the Vorpal Boo-doom-tsch Igloo, in that she announced it, said it was coming and then…dumb squigs will congratulate her on it, and shout at other squigs about the terrible trolling Jack had to refute in a 24 item tweet.
Classic Jack.
The Monroperes New Clothes.

 

[StatusWoe]

I think I’m still awaiting the diabetic friendly frugal chocolate pancake banana brekkie. What happened Jack?

I read frugal as 'fungal' and didn't question it.

 

[zetta buttons]

The troll thread is the most personally disappointing of all the things Jack has promised but not delivered. duck the granola*, I want 50 more tweets of Jack taking weird-angle selfies to disprove claims that Cooper is full Maine Coon.

* sorry @zetta buttons

It’s ok. I am starting to come to terms to the fact that the granola is never going up appear and was beginning to get excited about TROLLCLAIMS.

Why does she always disappoint us?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Its strikes me more and more that many people are facing the coldest, most bleakest winter of their lives this year and despite her claims of working away behind scenes or whatever, in the last few weeks/ months she has not brought out nifty slop or promoted ideas from her up coming book regarding frugal ideas. In fact her book has barely been mentioned.

This is her job( apparently) yet she is nowhere to be seen.

 

[Amanda Lin]

View attachment 1790600
Luckily for you, in 2013 Jack took time out of her busy schedule of prosititution, stealing food to survive, getting and leaving a full time trainee reporter job with her local newspaper, covering the G8 summit for Oxfam, getting a book deal with a £25k advance, getting a weekly Guardian Column, a Fortnum’s award, a Sainsbury’s ad campaign and a whirlwind romance with a policewoman fiancée/ex-policewoman fiancée to complete it already, with a cutesy twee pic.

For the most part, it involves slippers, the simultaneous wearing and not washing of tights, leggings and jeans while just hanging them up “to air”, eating warm food and making a tent out of your bedclothes. You’re all most welcome for the timely reminder of BRRRRR Jack’s big windowed wooden floored tips so if so inclined, you can commence these groundbreaking/hygienic practices in your own homes this winter.

My tips for keeping warm in winter: from a veteran of freezing houses, wooden floors and big windows.

I’ve had a lot of posts and questions from people recently asking about keeping warm in the winter, and having just dug out my annual (what I call my) ‘survival kit’, I thought I&…

cookingonabootstrap.com

A classic of the Jack Oeuvre

Reader: it was not fine, the lingering honk from the gusset of those tights spread throughout Southend.

Also, it was a lie revealed a few paragraphs later:

So the tights stayed on 24/7 after all.

Top winter tips are be grubby.

 

[Hollaaa]

Stop washing, saves on hot water

 

[Clarends]

Its strikes me more and more that many people are facing the coldest, most bleakest winter of their lives this year and despite her claims of working away behind scenes or whatever, in the last few weeks/ months she has not brought out nifty slop or promoted ideas from her up coming book regarding frugal ideas. In fact her book has barely been mentioned.

This is her job( apparently) yet she is nowhere to be seen.

This. So much. Half a million followers. People are struggling to keep warm and fed in their budget. And not even a signpost to support and advice from "poverty campaigner"

 

[terfette]

A classic of the Jack Oeuvre

View attachment 1791005
Reader: it was not fine, the lingering honk from the gusset of those tights spread throughout Southend.

Also, it was a lie revealed a few paragraphs later:

View attachment 1791004

So the tights stayed on 24/7 after all.

Top winter tips are be grubby.

Eww. I used to wear tights and leggings under jeans in the winter when I was more outdoorsy. Id wear the jeans a good few days, where normally I’d only wear them one, because the tights and leggings provided a barrier, so they didn’t feel grimy from being in contact with skin. The tights and leggings would’ve honked if I’d wore them longer than a day. Absolute minger.

 

[Droosie123]

I can hardly believe she’s offered to “donate” a copy of her new book to foodbanks with “here’s my private PayPal and I will do the rest” .Jack that is not how donating works as you well know.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

This. So much. Half a million followers. People are struggling to keep warm and fed in their budget. And not even a signpost to support and advice from "poverty campaigner"

100% this. For someone who the birdsite flying monkeys claim does “sooooo much” or any anus-licking awards circle-jerk praising her “tireless campaigning”, she really does do absolutely duck ALL. She sells books, that’s it.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Refuting things trolls say is kind of like the Vorpal Boo-doom-tsch Igloo, in that she announced it, said it was coming and then…dumb squigs will congratulate her on it, and shout at other squigs about the terrible trolling Jack had to refute in a 24 item tweet.
Classic Jack.
The Monroperes New Clothes.

It's pretty much what most of her 'life's work' has been, all myth and suggestions, with a heavy reliance on Chinese whispers. Plus ça change, innit.

Full(est) moon day today!

 

[Whaa?]

I can hardly believe she’s offered to “donate” a copy of her new book to foodbanks with “here’s my private PayPal and I will do the rest” .Jack that is not how donating works as you well know.

Has she made this suggestion with the new book yet? A booksellers org has invited people to pre order at £18.99 and they will donate a copy. I think Jack may be waiting for the book to come out and be told how FABULOUS it is before sneaking out the suggestion again.