If Jack drank 200 units a week of whisky and painstakingly transferred the same amount into an account since January 2019 how much does she have? #jackmaths
Apologies for the numbers.
One bottle of JD (750ml) in ASDA is 28 units. £17.
200/28 = 7.14 bottles, so has to be 8 bottles a week.
8 bottles @ £17 = £136
January 2019 to June 2022 = 182 weeks and 2 days. Round it to 180 weeks to allow for the leftovers each Sunday.
180 weeks at £136/pw =
£24,480
Even discounting the J1g intake and the 'prescription pain + pain sourced from the internet' intake, we could reasonably add the cost of filling an ADHD meds prescription at £160 notes a month (will edit if the price is claimed to be different)
January 2019 (because we're keeping to the same timeframe) to June 2022 = 42 months. I shall assume that each 'month's' prescription is in fact for 28 days because that's how Elvanase (the spendy ADHD med she's more likely to have had to go doctor shopping into the private sector for) is dispensed.
182 weeks/4 weeks to a prescription if you follow the instructions and don't repeatedly use it to get off your DDs on it = 45.5 prescriptions. Again, it's necessary to round up because you can't get half a box.
46 privately prescribed boxes of speed prescriptions @ £160 a time = £7,360
24,480 - 7360 (because she wasn't doing both at the same time, apparently) =
£17,120 saved
NMW/NLW to March 2019 was £7.18, 2020 was £8.21, 2021 was £8.72, 2022 was £8.91 and we're now at the heady heights of £9.50/hour. Because I really can't be arsed, I'll take a mean value of £42.52/5 = £8.50/h.
40 h/pw @ £8.50/h = £340/pw
182 weeks at £340/pw = £61,880
52 weeks (so we have a representative figure for annual salary, assuming paid holiday entitlement, rather than ZHC) =
£!7,860
52 weeks at £160 for pills pm = £160 x 13 prescriptions =
£2,080
This leaves approximately (because I'm averaging the NMW/NLW and assuming the pills were taken in strict observance of the prescription, one per day) = £15,780 pa or £1,315 pcm or £303.46 pw after filling her scripts, or over 182 weeks (46 four week periods), assuming the tax and NI was deducted at source and the figures are for what was actually paid into her account. If the NMW/NLW claim was in respect of gross amounts, her income would be significantly lower thanks to the HMRC deductions.
We could add the price of an NHS prepayment prescription to cover the other medications, as it would be daft to pay over £9 a pop for the multitude of things she says she needs. Give or take £100/year. Mere chickenfeed compared to two monthly prescriptions of multiple medications. Oh, and NHS ouchy mouths.
£1500 pcm rent equates to £18,000 or £346.15 pw. So more than she claimed to earn. If the huge dormer bungalow in a naice area, by the sea, walking distance of trains, great grammar schools, etc, is any cheaper than that, I'll be
bleeping stunned, as that's the going rate for bedsits and 1 bed flats in the suburban hellhole of goat legs and Chinese shops that
aren't Wing Yip. An ex council shack on a shite estate (stab proof vest a very real need for the local teens) is more than that.
Conclusions
It is therefore a mathematical impossibility for her rent to be the claimed percentage of her income at the figures she has claimed it to be. And a legal and financial impossibility for her to have passed affordability/credit checks to take on the renewed lease by herself when it was higher than her (claimed) income.
It is therefore also a mathematical impossibility for her to have firstly spent or secondly have saved that sum. Let alone afford sideboards and whatnots.
It is also clear that
developing a taste for being prescribed medication is significantly cheaper than 'drinking 200 units a week'. But still ultimately unaffordable for anybody on the income she claims.
It's still, however, fundamentally exceedingly
bleeping unlikely anything she has said regarding her finances is true.
Nota Bene: It's been a
bleeping long week already and this is soooo, soooo much Maths. If I have fucked the figures, just smile and nod and tell me I'm a clever pixie or
I'll scweam and scweam until I'm thick I'll rage quit Tattle for fifteen minutes and then
you'll ALL BE SORRY.
Happy now? Thankyou and fuckoff.
