Jack Monroe #431 Close your begs, woman!

[People-huv-tae-know]

Here’s a bit of useful Welsh ahead of tomorrow
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It's got to be a pric pwdin for me

No likes in the post, but the comments!

Are they.... Spicy?

 

[Mrsoverall]

Well I hope you’re all happy with yourselves. We’ve been reprimanded from the mods and even with 648 clues, I still can’t find Caroline or her hands. I’ll move on now.

Babe same

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

I've been wondering what 'my dear heart' was about. I'm contemplating grunking from day one but I think it would take me a year and a half.

Tried it. Failed.

 

[Deeznutslol]

Spoiler: On topic but will probably annoy mods

I’ve noticed that Molly and some of the regular squigs have been sending money to and promoting the woman who published the DMs with Jack and has posted a GoFundMe with the horrifying picture of her (alleged) husband’s gammy leg. I haven’t read her page but surely this is just the same shit but on a different scale? Write with great emotion about a shitty situation and watch the pounds roll in. Kudos to the people giving sensible advice and signposting services to this lady but how on earth does giving money to this unvetted, total stranger on the internet differ from how Jack started out?

A while back Molly also posted a fundraiser for some follower to bring a fucking stray cat back from abroad and I raised my eyebrows tbh because this is a person who already talks about her precarious financial situation/has an Amazon wishlist etc so why get a frigging cat? I wrote it off as a cat lover (Molly) being soft but now it’s happened twice - what is the point of writing about grifting and then amplifying lower level grift?! Giving on an individual basis does NOTHING. Find a charity or org which directly addresses these problems on a structural basis or you’re as bad as all the centrist twats funding Russ Jones and Supertanskii and Jack.

There’s a Russian doll effect with these internet beggars. There’s always someone waiting to take the place. I don’t know if any of you remember that “Hope Shiloh” who’s the one who coined in £5k from her “I can’t make my £20 budget stretch” tweet then deactivated, but there was some woman in the replies who’s also a prolific internet beggar saying “I only ask for it when I really need it”, and people replying sympathetically. Er, how about fuck off, because you’re exactly the same?

Honestly, I’m fuming that Molly is either thick enough, or a grifter-in-waiting herself, to be using all of the material Tattle has spent years archiving to then perpetuate this fucked up dynamic of “boo hoo give me some money and fuck anyone who doesn’t have the same grasp of emotive English or access to the internet to groom a sympathetic following all day because I matter more”.

Fuck it all. Fury.

Agreed, I just skimmed her latest blog post and it just seems to me like she’s actually trying to associate herself with Jack to stay relevant at this point ngl.

 

[ItchOfTheWestCoast]

Perhaps they are in one of those sideboard drawers that she leaves slightly ajar. So that any prospective OHs might catch a glimps and get horny. (I feel even worse now)

Alan Partridge 'Vibes'

 

[zetta buttons]

So far today I have seen Jack active on three separate Twitter socks. Sure there's more.

Truly living a life beyond her wildest dreams.

I’ve watched Ancient Apocalypse. I’m living a life beyond my wildest dreams.



(Netflix really are scraping the barrel with this guy)

 

[FrumpyCat]

Except dingoes and serial killers

I didn't know there were dingoes.

 

[Captainmouse]

I like to think of this as “Betty Crocker” Jack

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Q: What’s the difference between Betty Crocker and Jack Monroe?

A: Betty Crocker’s food comes in a cardboard box, but Jack Monroe’s food tastes like a cardboard box.

Surely it’s betty Crocker IS food, mackies is a health/biohazard

 

[noweverythingsucks]

No.

The photo pops up here, too. Never fails to make me laugh.

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Is that someone else's body or photoshop?? If its photoshop I need to learn these skills so I can stop going to the gym.

 

[BurgerLaBill]

I reckon that Old Harold bloke she was seeing was married. All the crowing about it on social media sent him running.

 

[Snotbuster]

She thinks she sounds like Mike Baldwin.

Or Mike Ehrmentraut from Better Call Saul. Tough. Wise. No time for bullshit.

 

[Captainmouse]

Celine did a tune or two

To be fair, I don't think I paid for a single song I had on my iPod at that time - all either taken from CDs I owned or, ahem, other means.

Plus she may well have been exaggerating the number of songs she had? 20k songs is absurd. Surely Counting Crows didn't release that much music...

 

[hooplifehero]

I think “dear heart” is from a jay rayner tweet to Jack? I can’t follow him now, after that

I thought it was Nigella, doing all the 'tender heart' and so on?

 

[ishant]

Is that an actual alcoplop on a plate? Was she on the red wine and Guinness the night before that shoot?

I thought to myself: I can’t believe they’ve used such a bad photo taken by Jack! And ninnies, it’s not even hers! They paid someone,
I would imagine, to take it and publish it!

 

[Captainmouse]

A train chaos is my favourite genre of chaos. You've got Mediterranean arses, you've got being trapped, you've got shin-kicking, you've got Opal Fruits. There's truly something for everyone.

Wrong seat chaos

 

[That Forensic Man]

I do think it's absolutely outrageous that they're attempting to monetise this.

It's so poorly thought out, why would or should anyone pay to see a guardian live book promotion from a columnist who hasn't contributed in over 6 months?
Unless there's gonna more articles, but didn't they bin her off?

As we’ve been denied a live Jack today and as we’ve had Singing Jack and Piano Jack on the thread. I feel it only right that we have Poetry Jack to complete the trifecta (and as we’ve traumatized the Music Teachers, it seems cruel to leave out the English Teachers)

*scrubs randomly*
"...popping out kids like piglets"

 

[Captainmouse]

The BTL comments on that Guardian recipe are classic. Some people were on to her already - back in 2014. Example: View attachment 1750700

Twirley, but squig last line is a classic #thread title

 

[LavaFlake]

Do we have an “in”? I would volunteer to stand outside the venue but alas I’m SICK.

I'm in Cardiff tomorrow but I'M BUSY!

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Mask truly slipped here ehView attachment 1752487

Proper Rose West vibes.

 

[Smol Pixel]

This is a pfp if ever I saw one

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Is that…Dennis Nilsson?