Jack Monroe #428 Hold me closer, tiny grifter

[People-huv-tae-know]

Naturally I'd have to be played by Jane McCarry (who also works as a teacher when she isn't acting, that's two proper jobs Jack). In a dramatic scene I will burst out of a newsagent brandishing a copy of the DM and telling people that it's 'too good, it's too good, people huv tae know'. For my Netflix 'protected ID' cameo, I'd have to go as a pantomime horse with a big willy (such as is normally found in a drawer) and stand in profile for the audience. Or for a cheaper option, a pineapple I have spray painted gold. At least Big Dave will chortle with delight. He might even put all his medals on a salute me in true marxist leninist style.

 

[That Forensic Man]

I think this calls for a celebratory *checks notes* microwave mini egg hot chocolate, but with seasonal cadbury balls!
I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway!

 

[Snotbuster]

I saw the same woman I think you’re referring to complaining about “vitriol” but admitting she hasn’t been following, and honestly these people who will wade in knowing absolutely nothing are exactly the same brand of incurious moron who will comment under recipes asking if they can replace strawberry with halibut or asking if they can make grilled pineapple in a slow cooker. Looking beyond the surface doesn’t exist for such a worrying portion of the population.

All of what you said, and she does so much good...

 

[EllaEm87]

I’ll be wearing my big Tayto head of course (if you know, you know)

 

[ForgettyBetty]

We’d have to appoint a spokesfrau. Do any of the canal sound like Mariella Frostrup, perchance? Failing that, Noddy Holder.

I'm somewhere between the two, if that helps

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Bloody hell, the Mail....wow.

Edit: I wouldn't be at all surprised if she/her PR have broken this story. Some kind of misguided damage limitation in advance of the book launch. All publicity is good publicity eh? Nevertheless, she's a tricksy bleep who belongs in jail.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

I’ll be played by J Lo and have some sort of interaction with the tree surgeon played by the tik tok lumberjack please.

Anyway back on topic, thursday used to be cookie night at the meetings? I wonder if that is still going on

 

[Smol Pixel]

Gutted I missed the chaos in real time (I was BUSY).
I fully expect another pass-agg "I'm not seething, you're seething, FOURTH HIT PIECE!" blog post or twitter thread incoming asap. If not then she's definitely had her twits tied due to Grifty Kitchen.
Thought it would be amusing to take a look at her old back and forths with The Daily Mail via her blog and Guardian column.
See 14-15th December 2013 for an insight into the incredibly obvious narc rage to smart a to cool as a cucumber routine.
Nothing says you're not bothered like replying three times to the same article, on three different occasions.

11/05/2013 [The Daily Mail] Single mother's 9p meals win book deal thanks to her 'austerity recipes' blog about feeding her family on £10 a week (archive)
11/05/2013 [Blog] Mail Online, 11 May (archive)

31/10/2013 [The Daily Mail] Ah, Pesto! These poverty poster girls of Welfare Britain want the gravy too... without having to pay for it, writes RICHARD LITTLEJOHN (archive)
01/11/2013 [The Guardian] Dear Richard Littlejohn – here are all the things you got wrong about me (archive)
01/11/2013 [Blog] Dear Richard Littlejohn, here’s some polish for that turd. (archive)
03/11/2013 [Blog] No paws for thought for Richard Littlejohn: The Independent on Sunday, 3 Nov 2013. (archive)

14/12/2013 [Mail on Sunday] LIZ JONES: Oh yummy! Cheap chicken for tea, with lashings of misery (archive)
14/12/2013 [Blog] Dear Daily Mail, please stop printing bullshit lies about me, because I have other things to do than correct them. Cheers. (archive)
15/12/2013 [Blog] The one where the Daily Mail compare my chicken casserole recipe to, er, apartheid… (archive)
15/12/2013 [Blog] Brief letter to the Daily Mail re Chickengate. (archive)

01/03/2014 [The Daily Mail] Food book of the week: A Girl Called Jack by Jack Monroe (archive)
02/03/2014 [Blog] DAILY MAIL FOOD BOOK OF THE WEEK (archive)

24/11/2014 [The Daily Mail] The Left hate everyone - not just the white working class, says RICHARD LITTLEJOHN (archive)

25/10/2015 [The Daily Mail] SEBASTIAN SHAKESPEARE: Foodie Jack Monroe splits from chef Allegra McEvedy as she announces she is transgender (archive)
26/10/2015 [Tweet] duck you Daily Mail. I EXPLICITLY asked you to leave my personal life out of my transition, so you headline with speculative tit. duck YOU.
26/10/2015 [Tweet] Hey @richardaeden@sebshakespeare@DailyMailUK@Mailonline How EXACTLY did you think this was ok? You bleeping people.
08/11/2015 [Blog] DEAR DAILY MAIL, TRANSITIONING ISN'T A SETBACK, IT'S A FREEDOM (AND 19 OTHER CORRECTIONS FOR YOUR 8 LINE ARTICLE) (archive)

06/01/2019 [Mail Online] Food writer Jack Monroe reveals that she is a 'recovering alcoholic' admitting that being in the public eye made her depend on booze for a confidence boost (archive)

24/01/2020 [Mail Online] This Morning viewers slam food writer Jack Monroe's three meals for £5 and claim a 'revolting' salmon paste pasta looks like 'something a child would make' (archive)
28/04/2020 [Mail Online] BBC's Daily Kitchen Live star Jack Monroe transforms her 'battered old shed' into a TV studio for less than £60 'using stuff from skips' - and now plans to host a lockdown food show from it (archive)

23/03/2022 [Tweet] Fully expecting a Daily Mail hit job sometime in the next few days; couple of their reporters have shown their grubby grabby hands on Twitter already this morning. Bracing for impact. I’m not exactly shy about hurling all my own dirty laundry around myself, do your worst guys (archive)
13/04/2022 [Mail Online] Poverty campaigner Jack Monroe blasts Twitter user who said that nurse who skips meals to afford to feed her children should 'learn to cook and shop properly' because pasta costs just 50p (archive)

05/05/2022 [The Daily Mail] JAN MOIR: A thunderhead of fury gathered about a government minister advising hard-up families to buy low-cost food... Why ARE Tories savaged for giving the same money saving advice as the pious Left? (archive)
12/05/2022 [Blog] What’s The Difference Between Jack Monroe Suggesting Budget Recipes, And A Tory MP? (archive)

17/11/2022 [Mail Online] Ongoing row between anti-poverty campaigner Jack Monroe and detractors who claim her hardships 'don't add up' flares up on social media (archive)

But sure, ongoing row 'between Jack Monroe and detractors'

I got bored of reading her rants about halfway down the list but had to pull out some highlights from what I did read.

But…she can’t drive. Why did she have a car to sell in the first place?

But…this is 2013, the year of prostitution and multiple suicide attempts.

Yes, Jack, we HAVE seen the state of your shoes

 

[Lazarus]

Well Kumbaya mofo’s, it’s happening, the slop is thickening and the tit rag Daily Heil has done a solid!
what are we all wearing for the Netflix doc? I know we’ll be shown in the dark with an actor saying our words, but I still want to dress up.

Might wear my wedding dress tbh. I feel like I’ve spent too much money on it to wear it only once
Might as well order a veil from the company Jack started following on Instagram ten minutes after Harold made eye contact with her for the first time.

 

[Smol Pixel]

I hope to be portrayed by Ralf Little.

I hope to be portrayed by a Cotswold sideboard. Dream big, tender one x

 

[SharkAttack]

Like more overwhelmed than when Louise Thompson posts for the millionth time about the mystery that happened a year ago or when Cara Delawhat loses her tit outside her friend’s house in LA or when Holly cries on TM?

I think not.

Legally much more dodgy. Requires much more manpower for monitoring.

 

[Foxvint]

This will bring a lot of new onto tattle aswell. I know we don't flippin proselytize but it works the other way round, friend solemnly told me its a terrible place and be careful so I dipped a toe in ready to find evil instead of measured commentary and fair and funny frauship

 

[EllaEm87]

I got bored of reading her rants about halfway down the list but had to pull out some highlights from what I did read.
View attachment 1738963
But…she can’t drive. Why did she have a car to sell in the first place?

View attachment 1738967
But…this is 2013, the year of prostitution and multiple suicide attempts.

View attachment 1738970
Yes, Jack, we HAVE seen the state of your shoes

On other peoples furniture, unfortunately.

 

[SharkAttack]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….NONE of this would’ve happened if she hadn’t pushed her luck too far with HH2.

She had the grift going good, she had a great passive income, adored by her flying monkeys, and she just HAD to push it too far. Like Icarus flying too close to the sun or Harold Shipman altering that last lady’s will.

Jack! You had it all. But you got too cocky.

Hoist by her own (self)regard.

Beautifully put Mouldy

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Well Kumbaya mofo’s, it’s happening, the slop is thickening and the tit rag Daily Heil has done a solid!
what are we all wearing for the Netflix doc? I know we’ll be shown in the dark with an actor saying our words, but I still want to dress up.

I'm going as a Cotswold Company sideboard: blue, squat, with big drawers (boxers)

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Poor mom, that's a nasty allergy there, what with the itchy-scratchy and the blocked nose too.

 

[Lazarus]

I sound like the guy who has no vocal chords and used a box to speak on Alan Partridge

Get the off the , Hotes

This will bring a lot of new onto tattle aswell. I know we don't flippin proselytize but it works the other way round, friend solemnly told me its a terrible place and be careful so I dipped a toe in ready to find evil instead of measured commentary and fair and funny frauship

Had to look up proselytize but otherwise yes to all of this.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Poor mom, that's a nasty allergy there, what with the itchy-scratchy and the blocked nose too.

I remember from her court case there was also a lot of stuff about her being a bit of a moody shut in and sitting around the house ordering KFCs and Dominos. It shattered my image somewhat.

 

[SeeleyBooth]

I think everyone knows who I want to portray me.....

Spoiler: Hint

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

What I wouldn't give to see either real time camera footage inside the tit bungalow, or the celebrity chefs' WhatsApp group tonight