Jack Monroe #399 Catastrophically embarrassing

[kachoochoo]

for those asking, supertanskiii is a centrist "commentator" whose schtick is making tiktoks calling various politicians cockwombles

still not entirely sure why the squig brought her up, but there you go

if we're talking detectives, what about this iconic, but tragically short-lived cheeky lil duo?

 

[RaeRae]

This guy was good at solving people's problems. Maybe he could mentor Cooper and Content for a bit. Or maybe just take them with him on his travels.

Mod edit: Can we move on from the detective stuff now, please. Thankyou.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

So she’s been shagging her housemate? That seems… unwise.

Last bank holiday she was shagging burger boy, times change, people change.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

From last thread about face blindness





wait what

I have face blindness but only for Christian Bale. I never recognise him in anything!!

Wonder if Jack will sleep through the ten alarms she’s set for her Maj’s send off so she can lust more over Harry??

 

[Wooh]

I’m so confused

Validly. The alleged housemate is a new character. He (definitely male person) was let into the house after living in his car. He provided lots of Lego figurines for decorating a bedroom. He's a fit, healthy labourer character who eats a lot. And he appeared out of nowhere and IT'S SO STRANGE

What the actual duck is all of this?!

 

[Malkiavelli]

Validly. The alleged housemate is a new character. He (definitely male person) was let into the house after living in his car. He provided lots of Lego figurines for decorating a bedroom. He's a fit, healthy labourer character who eats a lot. And he appeared out of nowhere and IT'S SO STRANGE
View attachment 1589494

This sounds so obviously made up - Jesus, she needs help.

 

[threetintender]

Delighted to add to the Frau Squad….here’s a detective who famously can’t lie….

 

[Wooh]

This sounds so obviously made up - Jesus, she needs help.

And this big pile of crazy was not long ago, but already swamped by so much else. Like, it's utterly unhinged!

I would like to revisit this particular madness: it fries my brain. For anyone new, it sits with earlier, equally nonsensical lies about a no people staying in house rule. Two lies don't equal a truth!

 

[Lazarus]

So there’s the housemate who’s very active that she’s feeding. He was living in his car but she’s allowed him to move in to the house she’s not allowed overnight visitors at, and that all must be true because her landlady lives across the road.

Then there’s the tantric sexer who pounded her for 6 solid hours; she deleted those tweets in case her mum seen them.

Then there’s the best friend who she’s softly, gently falling in love with.

Then there’s the teacher, the ceramicist and the doctor - all of whom were let down badly when Jack deleted Tinder. She was telling her followers to buy a hat after a lengthy conversation with the teacher.

There was Old Harold who by all accounts had a lucky escape as did his brother and parents. She wanted a mortgage with him; started following bridal dress and veil pages on Instagram and calling his parents her in-laws.

Worth keeping in mind this is in the space of a couple of months.

Then there’s the dog she got to cure her broken heart after Harold left.
And the cat who is all but ignored these days.


And not forgetting her son, the teenager who is not a teenager. Half his teachers follow Jack on Twitter. Her son reads her tweets and shows them to his friends.
He was promised a holiday with the proceeds of the daily standing order. That never materialised and Jack’s half a million followers have forgotten about it. I haven’t.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I think she did manage to post at least a few prints when she still had very few people on Patreon (with the help of Caroline and her hands), but then it ballooned and she probably just couldn't handle it.

BTW anyone looking forward to the Patreon update on 1st October? I am.

I don't think it's that she couldn't handle the numbers, it's like everything with her, she starts these things with grand ideas then her attention moves on to other things. She rarely commits to and completes anything she says that she will, hence the very long list of 'coming soons' that @kachoochoo has.

She lost over 500 followers last night in the end.

 

[hiyaaaacath]

“What did ya have for your tea, Denise?”

“Spaghetti”

“oooh bolognaise?!”

“hoops…”

I’ve just cracked the case, ninnies. The closest Jack has been to the working classes is series 1 to 3 of The Royle Family

edit to say: The Royle Family are her second favourite non-royals. After absolutely non royal Harry, son of the current King of England.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Nice to see the tracksuit wearing Jeremy Kyle quote being introduced to new people.

 

[DaisyJay]

Will be calling upon Sherlock at all?

 

[CEB1980]

Important to remember that some breadcrumbing can be specifically intended to mislead

 

[Smeghead]

So there’s the housemate who’s very active that she’s feeding. He was living in his car but she’s allowed him to move in to the house she’s not allowed overnight visitors at, and that all must be true because her landlady lives across the road.

Then there’s the tantric sexer who pounded her for 6 solid hours; she deleted those tweets in case her mum seen them.

Then there’s the best friend who she’s softly, gently falling in love with.

Then there’s the teacher, the ceramicist and the doctor - all of whom were let down badly when Jack deleted Tinder. She was telling her followers to buy a hat after a lengthy conversation with the teacher.

There was Old Harold who by all accounts had a lucky escape as did his brother and parents. She wanted a mortgage with him; started following bridal dress and veil pages on Instagram and calling his parents her in-laws.

Worth keeping in mind this is in the space of a couple of months.

Then there’s the dog she got to cure her broken heart after Harold left.
And the cat who is all but ignored these days.


And not forgetting her son, the teenager who is not a teenager. Half his teachers follow Jack on Twitter. Her son reads her tweets and shows them to his friends.
He was promised a holiday with the proceeds of the daily standing order. That never materialised and Jack’s half a million followers have forgotten about it. I haven’t.

shOw Me WHerE I said ThaT thOU

 

[Five hundred dogs]

The housemate thing is all very odd. I’d be inclined to go with him being entirely fictional apart from the fact someone must be looking after Content while Jack is off hobnobbing with millionaires. It’s not easy to find dog sitters at a moment’s notice, especially for a large barely trained puppy. When it was just Cooper I assumed her brother or a neighbour (although they all dislike her because she puts the bins out in her dressing gown or something) was popping in to feed him, but even though Jack’s a bleep with a terrible record as a pet owner I don’t think even she would leave a dog alone for days at a time, which brings us back to the housemate.

 

[veronica71]

I've woken up this morning and there seems to be some event happening in London and I'm not sure if its about me or the queen


Can we have a quiet day today please!

 

[jenny2603]

I don't think it's that she couldn't handle the numbers, it's like everything with her, she starts these things with grand ideas then her attention moves on to other things. She rarely commits to and completes anything she says that she will, hence the very long list of 'coming soons' that @kachoochoo has.

She lost over 500 followers last night in the end.

Plus Jack will just see it as Caroline's fault because she LEFT taking her hands with her. Poor smol pixie cannot possibly be held responsible for anything when there are others around who could be blamed instead.

 

[Hollaaa]

Validly. The alleged housemate is a new character. He (definitely male person) was let into the house after living in his car. He provided lots of Lego figurines for decorating a bedroom. He's a fit, healthy labourer character who eats a lot. And he appeared out of nowhere and IT'S SO STRANGE
View attachment 1589494

The slippery language here does my head in. The Star Wars figures were either gifted, or are being looked after 'for safekeeping'. You can't do both. This reminds me of a grifty ex and his awful family who thought that library books (and money ) did not have to be given back.

Living in a constant state of upheaval and shifting realities can't be good for anyone in that household. If you're given toys that you're expecting to keep and then they're taken away from you unexpectedly, that's not going to be a good thing. And to post in public that this is a positive, generous thing you are doing blows my mind. Usual caveat applies: if any of this is true.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I'm watching Fingers Kerridge making roast potatoes on the Food Network. It brings to mind her miserable Christmas dinner.... The congealed waxy attempt that was both undercooked and burnt.

I wonder if she'll wake up and start a commentary on today's events