Jack Monroe #390 Jack just behaves strangely in a bungalow

Candytuft · Sep 7, 2022

I feel that now is the time to say something that's been on my mind for a while. The problem is I don't want to be fallen out with or be misunderstood. I am nice, honestly.
Here goes.
Jack is after fellas now because she is getting too old to be of interest to older, rich lesbians. In my experience ( decades ago but I don't think it's changed much ) The elder would get great sex from a keen youngster in exchange for being treated to things. Not necessarily money but access to the in crowd, meeting people who are on the scene and popular, being taken places in cars and taxis, that kind of thing.
But these youngsters become irritating before long. They take too much and get clingy. Sex wanes. They must think anyone over 30 is grateful for any bit of anything.
She's not butch, never has been. She had a baby dyke cuteness that doesn't work at her age. Harsh, but true. Most folks move on, find a niche to be comfortable with and enjoy life as it is. Not Jack.
Oh no.

SpudYouHate · Sep 7, 2022

miss_terious said:
Did the squig interview people to find out whether the yellow sticker absence was even the reason they were looking stressed and indecisive in a grocery store?

I ALWAYS look stressed and indecisive while shopping. It's my MO.

Enwre · Sep 7, 2022

Visions of people pacing up and down the aisles of Asda wringing their hands, picking random items to check if anything yellow hiding underneath and muttering “I thought Jack fixed this”

SmolWarrior · Sep 7, 2022

Smeghead said:
View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

Oh god this has really amused me. The way it's written, like Jack is now an emergency service only contactable via Twitter and she needs to respond URGENTLY, SOFTLY to help the good peasants of Asda Charlton out. And the depiction of these shoppers as some kind of distressed flock, wandering in bewilderment, unable to function, 'picking things up and putting things back again'

Clarends · Sep 7, 2022

SpudYouHate said:
OH! I know who you mean. Duh. *slaps head*

More urgently, out of cereal. Send Cheerios!

Out of annoying football games. Send Subbuteos!

Tin Can Crook · Sep 7, 2022

SmolWarrior said:
Oh god this has really amused me. The way it's written, like Jack is now an emergency service only contactable via Twitter and she needs to respond URGENTLY, SOFTLY to help the good peasants of Asda Charlton out. And the depiction of these shoppers as some kind of distressed flock, wandering in bewilderment, unable to function, 'picking things up and putting things back again'

"Hello? This is Slopline, have you tried bunging it in a curry?"

TillyMiffin · Sep 7, 2022

jenny2603 said:
My last flat was tiny. It had a tiny entrance hall barely bigger than a cupboard, a decent sized living room/kitchen combined and one smallish bedroom. I had to sort everything for moving, deciding what I was chucking and what I was taking. I took one room at a time, shoved everything down to one end of the room and set up a bag and box system. Boxes for stuff that was moving, bags for the bin and for charity. I would have loved more space and a special sorting room but I didn't have it so made the best of what I had. I'm not a hoarder but do have a tendency to shove stuff in cupboards/wardrobes/drawers and forget about it until it gets in my way so do accumulate more crap than I should. I appreciate Jack has a bigger space and way more crap than I've ever managed to stockpile but if she tried breaking the task down into chunks and taking one small bit at a time it would become easy. I don't want to be a positive thinking wank but it does come in handy when you're trying to move forwards in life.

This performance about using fewer rooms, sleeping on the couch and turfing SB out his room is just the usual Jack playing the martyr in the hope that someone will step in and save smol pixie from one bed flat hell. I've no idea if it's for the paypigs, Big Dave or some other IRL person we're not aware of but it's embarrassing and anyone who can't see through it deserves fleeced.

Just a speculative thing that occurs about the one bed flat, if it is a Big Dave property, might it be possible they've suggested to Jack that they'll help her get a one bed flat and give SB one of the spare rooms at their place so Jack can see him there and even stay over herself when seeing SB? They must be worried by her behaviour and it would let them keep more of an eye on her if she's visiting them to see SB. I'm sure his dad would feel very reassured by an arrangement like this and it would be nice for SB to spend more time with his family as he's approaching the time when teenagers tend to drift away a bit.

I’m packing up right now and obviously doing it the sensible way; sort, condense, throw or pack. Jack is just Titting about as per.

Valiofthedolls · Sep 7, 2022

SpudYouHate said:
I ALWAYS look stressed and indecisive while shopping. It's my MO.

Are you spending enough time painstakingly handwriting a FORENSIC STOCKTAKE of all your cupboards, fridges, freezers and shelves into a notebook? Are you writing a list of meal IDEAS (but not considering the detailed ingredients needed) before you go? Are you telling over half a million people that you’re going before you go?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, you are not doing shopping correctly and have only your ownself to blame.

*For clothes shopping, substitute the above stocktake for one of your wardrobes, cupboards and drawers, and substitute the list of meal IDEAS for a comprehensive list of outfit IDEAS (not forgetting hats and lanyards).

jenny2603 · Sep 7, 2022

Smeghead said:
View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

I LOVE these posts and try to use my Yuri Geller style powers to make squigs do more of them. I want this to be Jack's life now "Jack, I was in the Asda Bromborough store and noticed they'd run out of lemon curd, this isn't the first time it's happened. Mum likes it on a scone and if we can't get it she has to make do with a bit of fairy cake, now mum isn't one to complain but I can tell she's disappointed. Could you speak you them about this"

Swisspea · Sep 7, 2022

Smeghead said:
View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

Yeah Jack when you have your next Board can you vote to get that sorted.

Smeghead · Sep 7, 2022

Enwre said:
Visions of people pacing up and down the aisles of Asda wringing their hands, picking random items to check if anything yellow hiding underneath and muttering “I thought Jack fixed this”

Management decide the only way to get them to snap out of their fugue state is to attach a copy of Tin Can’t Cook from a piece of string and dangle it in the middle of the aisle moving it along slowly carrot on a stick style, shepherding all of the people who are picking food up and putting it back again, towards the exit.
I think Jack not coming up with enough stupid suggestions or terrible recipes for her fans might be how the Zombie Apocalypse starts.

Clovis · Sep 7, 2022

SpudYouHate said:
I ALWAYS look stressed and indecisive while shopping. It's my MO.

Babe, same. I often get stopped by the oh so helpful staff asking me if I'm alright as I looked stressed and I have to explain that I'm just thinking about what to have for tea on Friday, pal.

Can't they let me breath?!

jenny2603 · Sep 7, 2022

Candytuft said:
I feel that now is the time to say something that's been on my mind for a while. The problem is I don't want to be fallen out with or be misunderstood. I am nice, honestly.
Here goes.
Jack is after fellas now because she is getting too old to be of interest to older, rich lesbians. In my experience ( decades ago but I don't think it's changed much ) The elder would get great sex from a keen youngster in exchange for being treated to things. Not necessarily money but access to the in crowd, meeting people who are on the scene and popular, being taken places in cars and taxis, that kind of thing.
But these youngsters become irritating before long. They take too much and get clingy. Sex wanes. They must think anyone over 30 is grateful for any bit of anything.
She's not butch, never has been. She had a baby dyke cuteness that doesn't work at her age. Harsh, but true. Most folks move on, find a niche to be comfortable with and enjoy life as it is. Not Jack.
Oh no.

I'm more convinced she's after a pregnancy, which is obviously a possibility in a lesbian relationship but takes some planning by which time Jack's horrifying personality will have manifested itself and her partner will have fed a fox a hose and run for their life. Whereas a man, particularly night time bang 'n' burger job is full of jizzos to unwittingly* knock up a smol pixie without so much as a "is this wise?".

*Referring more to the habit some men have of acting like they don't know the birds and bees after finding out someone they've had sex with got pregnant like no one could have predicted that as a possible outcome.

SlopAmbsase · Sep 7, 2022

Smeghead said:
View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

FFS, she can’t be in every supermarket all at once, visiting any shop outside Asda Shoeburyness was JUST a SUGGESTION. Just fuck off and stop harassing Jack before you put her in ICU FGS. *Stomps off maraudingly to Celeb Po Po*.

ForgettyBetty · Sep 7, 2022

jenny2603 said:
Don't worry at about it. There are loads of folk that don't fit the labels, I know people who'll tell a waiter they're vegetarian or vegan because for the purposes of ordering that meal they are, there's really no need to give the waiter a full run down on the times they eat meat, dairy or fish but stick mostly to a veggie or veagn diet. I think where stuff like that becomes problematic is when you get people like Jack jumping on the bandwagon to flog a book and then not only eating meat again but eating the worst low welfare crap out there. Then getting a gig promoting a vegan/veggie food brand that could have gone to about a million far better influencers out there. I've recently abandoned 34 years of vegetarianism to start eating fishos again (sorry lads it's part inexplicable craving, part health thing and part mentioning it to a dietitian are her thinking it was a good idea but emphasising
it's not essential as there other options). Land animals remain safe from Numbers and no bollock sausage shall be passing my lips. I will probably still mark myself down as vegetarian for hospital stays or when dining out because most of the time it's how I eat and it saves getting landed with meat I won't eat in hospital. What I won't be doing is lying about it for money, Jack style.

That poor woman who used to order vegan because it was the simplest way when eating out to avoid dairy, to which she was fatally allergic. Pret gave her bread with yogurt in.

Smeghead said:

View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

Click to expand...

Poor Asda. They got ABUSE for the distinctive packaging, scarlet-lettering the poors (unfair considering they only had 10 days to choose, source and design the whole new range after Jack told them off) . Then they got ABUSE for putting it all in one easy-to-find section so the poors didn't have to be TRAUMATISED by seeing nice food on their way round. And now there's a PILE-ON because it's possibly been moved back to the usual aisles. Or possibly being restocked after everyone in the country simultaneously spent 18.01 on avodarvos and crisps.

SpudYouHate · Sep 7, 2022

Just seen this. Is this us they're talking about? Or AM?

anyway.
The Monkeys are sycophancy Primatified.

Smeghead · Sep 7, 2022

‘Zombie in aisle one, zombie in aisle one. Can management unlock the emergency copy of Tin Can’t Cook and bring it to security immediately, please.”

NellieBoo · Sep 7, 2022

Smeghead said:
View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

If Asda in Charlton is anything like our local store they are forever bloody moving things around so it might just be that. Nothing to raise the alarm to the Squiggs Leader about just yet..

HotesTilaire · Sep 7, 2022

jenny2603 said:
I'm more convinced she's after a pregnancy, which is obviously a possibility in a lesbian relationship but takes some planning by which time Jack's horrifying personality will have manifested itself and her partner will have fed a fox a hose and run for their life. Whereas a man, particularly night time bang 'n' burger job is full of jizzos to unwittingly* knock up a smol pixie without so much as a "is this wise?".

*Referring more to the habit some men have of acting like they don't know the birds and bees after finding out someone they've had sex with got pregnant like no one could have predicted that as a possible outcome.

Without starting any gender and sexuality discussions, I do think she’s just exploiting the latest niche which is men who don’t know any better.

SlopAmbsase · Sep 7, 2022

SpudYouHate said:
Just seen this. Is this us they're talking about? Or AM?
anyway.
The Monkeys are sycophancy Primatified.

Pumble deniers.

Jack Monroe #390 Jack just behaves strangely in a bungalow

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