Jack Monroe #390 Jack just behaves strangely in a bungalow

[Marmalade Atkins]

Jack met the Queen a few times? Pics or it didn't happen as the old internet saying goes.

Where have you been?!

photo taken by @Silver Linings

 

[Lazarus]

Wakey wakey eggs and bacey anchovies and cauliflower granola!!

I, for one, cannot wait to read Jack’s book on DWP.
(Who on earth would buy this?!)

 

[NellieBoo]

Her first husband used to be on a late show with Ruby Wax. I remember really enjoying it (half pissed watching with one eye closed) cannot remember what it was called but he was really funny and intelligent.

I read his book 'C is for Cancer - because cowards get cancer too'. It's very moving. He was 44, I think, when he was diagnosed. Their children were very young. He had throat/oral cancer, lost his voice and had most of his tongue removed. He wrote movingly about how cruel that was as the husband of an amazing cook (I'm aware all cancer is cruel, but it was his story) I wouldn't be surprised if he endorsed Nigella having 'an affair'. He struck me as a warm, witty and kind man.

Edit to add - Nigella kept filming her TV series at their home. He encouraged her to do so for her career. I can't remember which TV series they would have been as he had 3 years or so of treatment before he died. But he appears in some episodes. He was unable to speak, eat or drink at some point during that time. But still supported Nigella. I think they were very much in love, in a happy, loving relationship.

 

[Menopausal Stormtrooper]

Fraus, I've been busy chaosing.

I'm not sure what lunacy got hold of me, but I decided to 'cook' Jack's no-cook pasta recipe from the last thread.

I just couldn't work out how simply submerging pasta in hot water would cook it.

After rigorous scientific testing in the stormtrooper kitchen, I can tell you...

(Drumroll)

It doesn't work.

 

[Limey]

Why you cry?

View attachment 1562481

If she got offered an MBE/OBE for her 'services' to the poor, she'd be there like a fucking shot. Bullshitter.

 

[GrannyOgg]

The squig accused of years of harassment is refusing to do the decent thing and slink quietly away, chastened and Ashamed. They are now tackling FM, one snarky tweet at a time.

 

[Tin Can Crook]

Hang on something is amiss here. Can you enhance that?

And again, enhance?

Found the lie.

 

[jenny2603]

View attachment 1563935

Yes Jack, we must warn people about Thatcher before it's too late. Please start a crowdfunder.

 

[Mrs Peel]

I've got a lot of time for Nigella and her family. Her sister was in hospital with my cousin (they both had terminal cancer, were just a few years apart in age) and they got along very well, despite being from completely different backgrounds. Don't ask me how Thomasina Lawson ended up in an NHS hospital in South Wales, but she did. Anyway, enough of that. It was nearly 30 years ago, and it's still difficult to think about.

Spoiler: Meanwhile

Jack is still a cunt. And a royalist. Only a short while before she completely outs herself as a raging tory.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Smol recap~~Jack wrote out some tasty recipe ideas including the ever-popular black pudding, chicken liver, lentils and blue cheese.
Yummo! Also some confusion regarding eggs.
Were they punk? Nope, they were pink eggs.
Not even Easter eggs, just jolly fuchsia.

Jack's train was late but also on time.
She was angry about something as well, can't remember now as she's always angry on Twitter.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

I don't think anyone posted this...

I'm no monachist, but I wouldn't be without them.

lol


View attachment 1562813
Ss @colouredlines

If I shared an image of Princess Anne and the Queen non-ironically I simply would have to expire from cringe.

Also, 'I'm no monarchist but I wouldn't be without them' is literally the definition of a monarchist, you tedious twat.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Just a fresh reminder that Wonky B isn't Jack and never will be.

I am too busy for an aneurysm today.

 

[Enwre]

Visions of people pacing up and down the aisles of Asda wringing their hands, picking random items to check if anything yellow hiding underneath and muttering “I thought Jack fixed this”

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Hasn't she done this tweet before?

View attachment 1563807

 

[That Forensic Man]

View attachment 1562487

"Our Liz" tweeted Monroe, whilst sitting in a Dublin pub

She's not going to shag you, Jack

Wasn't someone just talking about Jack getting with wealthy older women?

 

[hooplifehero]

I thought she had a “room of requirement” which is some posh way of describing a room you don’t need. Well, now she requires it to be a sorting room, and everyone can have their bedroom back! #hoteshacks.

I thought room of requirement was invented in Harry Potter, which would actually lead to a plausible theory about Jack's house.

How can a bungalow have stairs? Magic. How can you have a giant shed and studio and multiple rooms and still not have space? Well, some mornings you wake up and the bungalow has decided to shuffle around a bit, narrowing corridors and shrinking spaces, and the shed isn't where you thought it was. (Sometimes pets and small boys also go missing for a few days) How can you take a picture of your son's bedroom when he's asleep, but there's daylight glaring through the curtains? Well, you know, Jackwarts doesn't operate according to normal schemes of sunrise, that's why it's hard for her to get anywhere on time. It's slightly removed from the physical and temporal dimensions we understand.

Suddenly everything makes more sense. How can Jack have so much room, yet no room? How can she have no food, and yet a store cupboard that seems to constantly replenish itself with the most obscure and curious combinations? Because whenever she opens it, it's restocked itself according to its own whims. It's Tuesday, I wonder what the cupboard has for us today! Can of prunes, chicken liver, Fanta. Quick, draw up a new meal plan! This explains her 'MO' of creativity with unlikely ingredients; she's adapting to the idiosyncrasies of her haunted mansion. How is that hare statue in this room today, and that room tomorrow? Why is that elephant statue always in the corner of a picture? Well, she turns her back and they seem to scuttle around mischievously, like thrift-sale versions of Cogsworth and Lumiere.

Needs more work but I think I can get an 8-book children's fantasy series from this

 

[Malkiavelli]

So this is the poem doing the round. I wonder if the Lady Di poet had a hand in this?

View attachment 1565218

Why you cry
Her royal high die
A sudden death
Elizabeth

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

It's weird that she can cope with a bar but gets offended when she receives emails about alcohol.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Rather than concentrating on the multiple foster kids (which I think is quite admirable) could we instead focus on the fact that Jack Monroe called them FERAL.

I can't imagine how they must have felt knowing that she viewed them in that way.

And then there’s this charming fictitious story that two of those “feral” foster children might well have later read. I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if I recognized myself as having been one of these two children and she’d made up this nasty unpleasantness with me in a supporting role. This is her at her most vile, and things like this are why I never, ever feel sorry for her.

Edit:

 

[FlashBoof]

So, who is going to tell this utter melt of a squig just what she has been doing today? (Kidding , of course - no one should go near the poor sap - but it does illustrate very well how her comments club just drift in and out of her life, only seeing brief snapshots, and never see the big picture).