Jack Monroe #390 Jack just behaves strangely in a bungalow

[DisgruntledGoat]

I was today years old when I realised that Phoebe Bridgers is not, in fact, the posh woman who wrote Fleabag.

 

[jenny2603]

View attachment 1561476
LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

I LOVE these posts and try to use my Yuri Geller style powers to make squigs do more of them. I want this to be Jack's life now "Jack, I was in the Asda Bromborough store and noticed they'd run out of lemon curd, this isn't the first time it's happened. Mum likes it on a scone and if we can't get it she has to make do with a bit of fairy cake, now mum isn't one to complain but I can tell she's disappointed. Could you speak you them about this"

 

[jenny2603]

I suppose we should remember the one big and quite significant thing Jack and Queen Elizabeth had in common. The Queen never started the VBI and neither has Jack.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Not everybody is moved to tears of fury by Jack's impassioned words.

 

[Pocahontas]

Stop the presses! Wonky Butterfly is Nigella!

Whoever they are, they need no more attention from this troll farm, thank you vair much.

 

[LeftoverCoffee]

So I confessed to my bewildered husband last night that I can't stand JM. He agreed that she plays up being 'poor' but seemed very hesitant to listen to anything else I said. He knows full well that I've spent 2/3 of my life in poverty/low income (whereas he has always been middle class, parents making good money) which has caused friction in the past, and I told him that my experience along with the exposure of Jack's lies is what makes me wary of her.

Her supporters keep saying that she's doing good work for people in poverty, that she's fighting the good fight etc but... What has she actually DONE? Aside from sue Katie Hopkins that one time. The VBI is never going to appear. She works 100 hours a week but hasn't updated her Patreon in two years despite taking money from folks. Says social media is her job yet she's terrible at it. Spends most of her time moaning.

Plus she is bolstering the Tory message that poor people are bad with money with her £20 shops where she conveniently forgets to factor in stuff from her store cupboard.

Someone please tell me why this woman is lauded as a Saint of the Poors when all she's done is make money from people worse off than her.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I suspect that a lot of recent chaos has been directed at people who are actually close to Jack, and possibly connected to the 'oldest friend' with whom Jack is softly, gently falling in love.

Softly, gently getting pounded for six hours on a sofa paid for by Katie Hopkins’ cash.

I feel that now is the time to say something that's been on my mind for a while. The problem is I don't want to be fallen out with or be misunderstood. I am nice, honestly.
Here goes.
Jack is after fellas now because she is getting too old to be of interest to older, rich lesbians. In my experience ( decades ago but I don't think it's changed much ) The elder would get great sex from a keen youngster in exchange for being treated to things. Not necessarily money but access to the in crowd, meeting people who are on the scene and popular, being taken places in cars and taxis, that kind of thing.
But these youngsters become irritating before long. They take too much and get clingy. Sex wanes. They must think anyone over 30 is grateful for any bit of anything.
She's not butch, never has been. She had a baby dyke cuteness that doesn't work at her age. Harsh, but true. Most folks move on, find a niche to be comfortable with and enjoy life as it is. Not Jack.
Oh no.

I’ve said similar in the past. Yeah I think she had a certain appeal to older lesbians in the past as a baby dyke. I know some of my mates would have fancied the pleather pants off of her and probably put up with a LOT of her shit. I’ve know a few couples with the Jack/Leggy dynamic. While she’s still objectively attractive I think her options in the lesbian dating scene would be a lot more limited now and probably not acceptable to her. But in terms of men, she probably thinks she can still snare a reasonably well-off connected one and get a baby in her as a bonus.

But there are two problems with her plan.
1. 35 is by no means old, but at this point most people bring something more to the table than a bowl of slop. Whether you’re dating women or men, it’s unlikely to be all about looks at this point and I can think of nothing positive she’d bring to a relationship.
2. Men can smell desperation a mile off and also have a much, much lower tolerance for bullshit. As we saw with Old Harold, men are more likely to respond to narc nonsense by disengaging, while Jack is used to her female partners scooping her up and trying to save her when she plays up.

 

[Tin Can Crook]

Oh god this has really amused me. The way it's written, like Jack is now an emergency service only contactable via Twitter and she needs to respond URGENTLY, SOFTLY to help the good peasants of Asda Charlton out. And the depiction of these shoppers as some kind of distressed flock, wandering in bewilderment, unable to function, 'picking things up and putting things back again'

"Hello? This is Slopline, have you tried bunging it in a curry?"

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

 

[jenny2603]

I pinched this rather fetching Comments Club collage that's currently floating around Twitter. Aren't they lovely?


ETA: When I was squigging some of the names a little bit got cut off the image at the bottom.

 

[Smeghead]

LJC - people are so confused they are picking things up and putting things back again in Asda. Squig, like the Smartprice rice that was never taken away, it just might not be there right now. Maybe there just weren’t enough items to put in the section. I don’t think even this is one for Super Mon, can’t you just let her breathe?

 

[Emmapism]

'Someone wants some attention and it's not Jack'

Jack

 

[jenny2603]

Just had Diana on the old ouijaboard again. She's not happy but has given me permission to share this message.

"This cunt needs to get my name outta her mouth. This ain't it! She's worse than Cowmilla- at least she never made a pumble"

 

[jenny2603]

Big Dave the Marxist's going to be devvoed

After my commie grannie died we found an old diary of hers from the 1950s where she remarked on how hot Prince Philip was. It caused much hooting in the Numbers family.

 

[FrankReagan]

Why you cry
non royalist Jack comparing herself to Lady Di
View attachment 1562533

Also this article is like full house Jack Bingo - probs been posted a billion times but I hooted at all the Jack classics in one story.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/food/tin-can-cook-jack-monroe-is-determined-to-show-people-how-to-eat-well--no-matter-their-budget/2018/12/07/f8ae7654-f422-11e8-bc79-68604ed88993_story.html

‘Railroad track’? Calm down, Huckleberry Finn.

As other dear hearts have commented, her jarring Americanisms are odd. No offence whatsoever meant to American Fraus & Herrs, but Jackie is copying & pasting her ‘story’ from so many different sources, including clearly American ones, and is too dim to modify the language to make it authentic. And plausible.

[Typed on my cellphone whilst I wait for the NBC news broadcast and eat my takeout out of cardboard boxes. Go well y’all. ]

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Right. I can’t possibly be the only person

Spoiler: Who sees this

And all they can think about

Spoiler: Is THIS

Can I?!

 

[Menopausal Stormtrooper]

Nb. Cooking nonsense below but I can't figure out how to do a spoiler!

To give the not-cooking cooking recipe the best possible chance, I actually went out and bought macaroni. The recipe says any pasta shape, but I figured we'd definitely be buggered with something big like Penne, so I used the smallest pasta possible .

I followed the directions exactly. After ten minutes, it was still completely raw in the middle, but very gunky and stuck together because it was all so pushed together in the mug.

I gave it new boiling water and another ten mins as per her recipe, and now it was this gelatinous soggy mess stuck together. It tore if you tried to separate bits with a fork, and there were still hard raw bits where pieces had been stuck together.

Completely awful.
I'm unsure why I am surprised.

 

[Emmapism]

The woman who used taxpayer money to hush up her son's abuse? Yeah I can see why you'd have a soft spot for her.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

Just seen this. Is this us they're talking about? Or AM?
anyway.
The Monkeys are sycophancy Primatified.

Pumble deniers.

 

[jenny2603]

'Wonky B'? I no unnerstand.

It's a Twitter user who has a slightly worrying obsession with Jack (seriously Jack, if you see her coming up the drive, dial 999 and lock everything). Some people have decided she is Jack even though it takes about 2.3 seconds to establish that she isn't. The whole thing has placed @Marmalade Atkins at SEVERE risk of aneurysm.