Jack Monroe #386 A bodyguard for a book festival is just so Jack

[Orphan_Black]

Happy Saturday, Dear Tender ones.

Congratulations to @Sideboard Bob nominating @Smeghead 's post for winning the thread title competition. You win a mildly moist fireman's jacket, an arm each. Musty!

RECAP:

-Jack says she is getting a bodyguard because being called out on Twitter is the same as death threats. She refuses to leave Twitter because it's LITERALLY her job.

-Jack once again posted her empty bank accounts on Twitter to prove she is poor. A squig pointed out that her Patreon money should have arrived, so why the empty accounts. This could be because the subs don't drop until the 5th (Cheers @IcanSpellBéchamel for that last minute FACT) Jack stayed quiet on the matter.

-Backstage tea was spilt about the Channel 4 gig THAT man stole from her. Turns out she was in the running but was blackballed for being awful.

-Jack got a bit of weekend-wang, she wasn't keen on any of our nicknames for her delicious new beau who she is falling HARD for, so she provided her own, 'Burger Boy' was introduced to the fraus. The canal got shaky at the thought of a repeat six hour shag-a-thon. Luckily it was quick after pub booty call. Who knows how true any of it is.

-Jack claims she's been working behind the scenes with Essex police, who, according to Jack, have a whole department checking her socials for meanies. Essex Police have not confirmed this.

-Jack may or may not be off to Ireland, she still claims it's only £12 to do this.

-Jack got arsey with people on Twitter again, this time over a gender critical teacher's post. (Now deleted).

-Jack bought 2 £55 Urban Outfitters boilersuits. She looks like granny curtains, and weirdly the outfit was so hideous it made her head shrink, we all had a hoot over that horror show. She hasn't bothered returning the one that didn't fit. Thrifty!

-Jack took the blame for M&S now charging £12 for their Meal Deal. It's not your fault, Jack.

-Still no more recipes, one pan or not.

-No sign of her new undercut hair-do either, actually.





As ever, please try to keep on Jack related talk and nominating thread titles after post 500, (and no swearsies pleases).


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Let's get the weekend started, TOOT TOOT!

-

 

[OkTinkerbell]

I ticked Yes and it’s LOVE for Burger Boy because I’m sure she’s already in love, has introduced him to her child, and in her head is planning city breaks and their moving in together, etc etc already.

For him I think it’s a convenient easy guaranteed shag at the end of a shift, before he heads home to his wife.

 

[Droosie123]

Dear lord. Perhaps I should post MY bank accounts to see if anyone takes pity on me.
I want to say “I cannot believe she’s done this” but sadly it’s just more of the same grifting shite we’ve come to expect from the SMOL pixie.

On a separate note….does anyone believe she’s using Coke? I’m not experienced enough to know if she is.
She blamed a lor of her behaviour previously on alcohol but as the same behaviours are continuing
I am going with a relapse of some kind. Or just sheer poor mental health in the form of a raging personality disorder. But I am no psychiatrist m’lors.

 

[jenny2603]

Quoting myself here, but the ten grand I mentioned here would be for your proper highish-end knows-what-they're-doing ex-Special Branch connected non-flashy protection. You can get jumped-up doormen/Essex crim-wideboys/SE-London steroid roadmen for a lot less. But, of course, generally there you're just wasting your money and aren't any safer then you were before. Probably less.

This all ends with a 'close protection guy' Burger Boy found in a gym going nuts and wrecking the crappy bungalow in a roid rage because Jack insisted on cooking for him. Jack will just be standing in the garden, face completely immobile, holding a pumble as blood curdling roars and crashes come from inside poor old crappy. The neighbours will gather and Big Dave will be sent for to come and take Jack away. Evil Landlady will finally free Jack from the lease and realise that sometimes in life you just have to cut your losses and let a tenant go because as Iqbal says who has time for this SH1TTER?

 

[NellieBoo]

I'm still cackling at the thought of her body guard being Big Wayne the doorman and purveyor of nefarious wares from the local night club .

Jack Monroe #385 Just admit you're full of loathing and misdirected ire

I’m not very good at twitter but the only gap I can find before Jack tweeted about her burger related treat was a tweet at 22.57. She then tweeted again at 23.38. So that’s a gap of 41 minutes. So she was either tweeting while burger boy was with her or he stayed for a max of 41 minutes. How...

tattle.life

 

[Ooointitot]

I’ve lost most of August to this deluge of idiocy. Time well spent, Tattlers.

And in amongst all the Jackfoolery, the definitely possibly misappropriated charity monies have magically been forgotten! Of all the grubby fuckups that’s the one that will sink her when AM/The Charities Commission are done with her - nobody‘s reputation could bounce back from thieving from charity, no matter how deluded her fan base seems to be.

Oh, and Jack dear, any man over 40 is not a “boy”.

 

[Orphan_Black]

On a separate note….does anyone believe she’s using Coke? I’m not experienced enough to know if she is.

It's not coke, it is MSG on a drug weighing scale......

No no, I jest, a lot of us think it's been snowing in Southend for quite some time.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

This has been the finest start to the weekend ever. @binkbonk ’s captured 4chan post about spite manifesting at David Lynch was the most beautifully nutty thing I have ever seen, Jack is back on the burger sauce and even Vlad has gone fully meta. We’re through the looking glass now lads, TOOT TOOT!!

Spoiler

 

[jenny2603]

I'm still cackling at the thought of her body guard being Big Wayne the doorman and purveyor of nefarious wares from the local night club .

It would be glorious and Jack would be really frightened of him. Literally jumping out of her skin any time he moved.

 

[drivingdownthe101]

Dear lord. Perhaps I should post MY bank accounts to see if anyone takes pity on me.
I want to say “I cannot believe she’s done this” but sadly it’s just more of the same grifting shite we’ve come to expect from the SMOL pixie.

On a separate note….does anyone believe she’s using Coke? I’m not experienced enough to know if she is.
She blamed a lor of her behaviour previously on alcohol but as the same behaviours are continuing
I am going with a relapse of some kind. Or just sheer poor mental health in the form of a raging personality disorder. But I am no psychiatrist m’lors.

To be honest I was just impressed her bank accounts weren’t overdrawn. Mine usually is!

 

[PurpleAnt]

I was trying to post this as the thread closed. Too much drama! Someone asked about the Vivienne Westwood dresses…


I think the second one is the same as one I bought in 2016 for my wedding. It’s hard to tell from the photo attached because I was wearing a little jacket. It was £405 (which is the most I’ve ever spent on an item of clothing!)

Spoiler

 

[hiyaaaacath]

“Here’s ALL my bank accounts”

assume she’s sadly spent the money she saved for the multiple trips away for SB then…on completely unnecessary jaunts across the Irish Sea for an arse kissing? Or multiple hideous boiler suits?

 

[Marjoried]

Nice of her to publicly moan about how stressful and cumbersome it is bringing up a child is too. How lovely for SB to read as he grows up. Does he even live with her full time? She is unbelievably lucky to have a child as placid and easy-going as him. She wouldn’t get to be such a melodramatic nightmare if he wasn’t. I still think she will have another child in the future and that child will not be so easy/the dad won’t be so good and she will have a big wake up call.

 

[metroglide]

I've also tried to the Westwoods without any success. The weird fishtail one isn't like anything of Viv's I've ever seen and looks like tit. The one from the make-up group looks more like it, but hard to tell based on only the neckline.

 

[Sketchy]

Howling at the re-cap, especially this:

Jack claims she's been working behind the scenes with Essex police, who, according to Jack, have a whole department checking her socials for meanies.

 

[hiyaaaacath]

Also notice that skiing squig is back, the one that was repeatedly vile to Karl after he’d been told of Karl’s situation.
Nice company you keep there, Jacko - guess he isn’t one of the ones you DMd to force to apologise

 

[Just Lou]

Coming from the past, a mere 8 hours ago. Not sure I want to grunk as there were 12 pages and a new thread over night...I'm scared...

 

[Bugger13]

Also notice that skiing squig is back, the one that was repeatedly vile to Karl after he’d been told of Karl’s situation.
Nice company you keep there, Jacko - guess he isn’t one of the ones you DMd to force to apologise

Along with a side of mayo I suspect

 

[drivingdownthe101]

Coming from the past, a mere 8 hours ago. Not sure I want to grunk as there were 12 pages and a new thread over night...I'm scared...

Your fears are well founded. Burger-le-bill the sequel. Thankfully it was just a brief booty cool, not a 6 hour pumble bashing.

 

[ishant]

I was trying to post this as the thread closed. Too much drama! Someone asked about the Vivienne Westwood dresses…


I think the second one is the same as one I bought in 2016 for my wedding. It’s hard to tell from the photo attached because I was wearing a little jacket. It was £405 (which is the most I’ve ever spent on an item of clothing!)
View attachment 1550353

Really sorry to be a crude Frau but all I see is decent boobage