Jack Monroe #385 Just admit you're full of loathing and misdirected ire

[Sketchy]

I’m not very good at twitter but the only gap I can find before Jack tweeted about her burger related treat was a tweet at 22.57. She then tweeted again at 23.38. So that’s a gap of 41 minutes. So she was either tweeting while burger boy was with her or he stayed for a max of 41 minutes. How nice.

A 41 minute booty call. And they say romance is dead.

 

[Mr Krabs]

And I wouldn’t be surprised if the Hitler one is a supportive squig, which would be hilarious if so given that Jack’s purposely left people’s handles on so her monkeys can abuse them.

I read it that way too. I imagine it’s either a Jack fan, or just some Twitter random who hasn’t heard of Jack beyond the rinsed hoops and was making fun of the debacle around it. Jack is so utterly humourless that she’s howling and clawing that someone would compare her amazing work getting kids fed (haha) to literal genocide.

I’d really like a vomiting laughing reaction especially for Jack threads please. It’s very difficult to know how to respond to the burgerman tweets and this would save me so much time.

 

[NellieBoo]

Sunday, she's booked for the Forwards Festival to discuss the food crisis with Jay Rayner. Always a sign a subject is being taken seriously when someone decides to discuss it with Jack.

I'm working tomorrow. So will be driving around the mean streets. If I see her I will give her a massive TOOT bleeping TOOT from my big car HORN.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Life beyond my wildest dreams
Nightmeat nightmare
Life beyond my wildest dreams
Nightmeat nightmare

For the love of god woman, STRIVE FOR SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE!! Everything is so extreme and dramatic and…flip floppy #whiplashmonroe

This is one of the many things which make me think she's not entirely sober. I'm only just over 3 months sober and my life is so much calmer now that I don't have the artificial mood swings from alcohol (the dopamine and sugar high, the dynorphin crash). I know we're different people and everyone is different, but one of the things that a lot of people in my sobriety group say is that they are so much more even-keeled now, the wild swings are gone.

 

[IcanSpellBéchamel]

This squig has made me laugh

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Unfortunately the squig is suffering from premature evaluation; Patreon dosh arrives on the 5th of the month.

But if I was to believe those bank account screenshots (which I don’t), then Jack hasn’t put any money aside from previous earnings to account for tax.

 

[steverc]

Jay 'Don't you ruin my dinner in Zedel with your bleeping jazz noodling' Rayner is forever straddling the on-the-side-of-the-angels/bleeping-insufferable line, and like most blue ticks has been NOTICEABLY SILENT since the Mollypocalypse. I wonder how he'll be re: the thief going forwards.

 

[jenny2603]

Has Jay Rayner ever eaten anything that came out of a can? Unless it's cavier (that comes in cans, right?!).

Can't think of two more unsuitable people to discuss the food crisis.

It's a massive waste of time.

Jay: You've experienced struggles with food and trying to negotiate the system?
Jack: Yes, Jay *long boring howling and clawing anecdote that is made up*
Jay: Jack, that must have been so hard for you. How can we help?
Jack: Well I always say first we feed the people because the dead can't riot.


*MIDDLE CLASS AUDIENCE NUTS SO HARD A MAJOR FLOOD INCIDENT IS DECLARED*

Cost of living crisis continues but the nice liberal people did make concerned faces which is more than be said for the Tories who didn't make any faces.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Well, I hope she's already set off, it takes over three hours to get to Bristol on the train from Thorpe Bay.

Sorry, I did a chaos, I think she's speaking on Sunday. According to Google maps, it's more like four hours to get there on Sunday, so if she wants to get to Bristol in plenty of time, she'll need to get up very early for a smol pixie.

 

[Sketchy]

I’m not very good at twitter but the only gap I can find before Jack tweeted about her burger related treat was a tweet at 22.57. She then tweeted again at 23.38. So that’s a gap of 41 minutes. So she was either tweeting while burger boy was with her or he stayed for a max of 41 minutes. How nice.

Back for a feck, thankyou Jack!

 

[LennyBriscoe]

This is one of the many things which make me think she's not entirely sober. I'm only just over 3 months sober and my life is so much calmer now that I don't have the artificial mood swings from alcohol (the dopamine and sugar high, the dynorphin crash). I know we're different people and everyone is different, but one of the things that a lot of people in my sobriety group say is that they are so much more even-keeled now, the wild swings are gone.

Please don’t say you’re “only” over 3 months sober, that’s amazing! I think for me, anything that’s far away from the chaos of active alcoholism is life beyond my wildest dreams on a day to day basis. Life is always ups and downs for everyone but she does swing wildly and very quickly from one extreme to the other!

One of my favourite sayings is “when the ordinary becomes the extraordinary” - my life is pretty dull on the face of it but I’ll take that over “I’m so very happy and I’ve never been more in love” to “I’m exhausted and very low you all want me DEAD” in ~literally~ a couple of hours

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I’m not very good at twitter but the only gap I can find before Jack tweeted about her burger related treat was a tweet at 22.57. She then tweeted again at 23.38. So that’s a gap of 41 minutes. So she was either tweeting while burger boy was with her or he stayed for a max of 41 minutes. How nice.

There's a 3-hour gap here:

 

[Bugger13]

Jack’s just so bang on with her predictions about being the most put upon victim in the world ever. This to her great friend who was there for her. It’s had 2 replies so I imagine B is currently researching SAS style bodyguards to protect them from such a vicious onslaught.

 

[steverc]

Not to triangulate myself, but I work with former official CPO's (yer actual concealed-Glock/summers in Aberdeenshire hem hem ones) and absolutely everything she's said about her new status is total, probably snow-enabled bullshit. This stuff requires acts of parliament (if you're important enough), otherwise it's charged to you all the way on a line-by-line basis, usually to your Dubai-based offshore or your long-standing trust-fund. If it's private (i.e. arranged by you) then think about ten grand a week, not including the transport that THEY pick, not you. Going to Hastings on a railcard would be laughed out of town.

Quoting myself here, but the ten grand I mentioned here would be for your proper highish-end knows-what-they're-doing ex-Special Branch connected non-flashy protection. You can get jumped-up doormen/Essex crim-wideboys/SE-London steroid roadmen for a lot less. But, of course, generally there you're just wasting your money and aren't any safer then you were before. Probably less.

 

[NellieBoo]

Sorry, I did a chaos, I think she's speaking on Sunday. According to Google maps, it's more like four hours to get there on Sunday, so if she wants to get to Bristol in plenty of time, she'll need to get up very early for a smol pixie.

I think you'll find she's being helicoptered in accompanied by her close protection officer.

 

[Lazarus]

Why didn't she hand it back in when she left? It's not like it's custom fitted, it can be re-issued to someone else.

Exactly. Another call handler would get good use out of that.

 

[Hollaaa]

Old Chief would beg to differ.

 

[Boyo]

I always imagine burger man as the squeaky voiced teen from the Simpsons. Just got off the late shift at McDonald’s and bringing round one of the burgers they were about to chuck out.

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I don’t think the world‘s ready for Cougar Jack

 

[Edie Po]

Sorry if this has been posted already on the thread but this is *always* worth an airing

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Oh no she bleeping didn't
Bet that warmed Will & Harry's broken heart right up

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Burger boy burger boy
He’s her sex toy
Bringing extra mayo
For her sofa to enjoy

I’ll get my coat.

 

[steverc]

And as we've all seen via various unsavoury actions this year, if you're paying for your <sigh> close protection via the application of your unrulies to the excitable mayo-dispenser of some dodgy Essex DC, then not only are you not protected, you're at considerable personal risk.