Jack Monroe #382 Any thicker she’d set (unlike her white sauce)

[Lazarus]

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Marm, I didn’t want to assume it would be you who would find this screenshot.
But at the same time I knew it would be you who would have this!

@Orphan_Black
For you! Now that I’ve worked out who this is in my favourite gif, I’m sending the love to you!

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Also: isn’t it funny that 8 short months ago SB was 11 and now he’s 13.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

The jubilee trifle winner has created another banger

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

But how easy is it to cancel Patreon? I’ve seen lots of squiggs Tweeting ‘I’ve emailed to try and cancel please can you help me Jack’. Are they confused? Or does JM actually have to cancel / close subscriptions? If so there may be little change.

(Never used Patreon myself so intrigued by the process)

Very easy. Takes five clicks. One person (the community garden lady) I think is struggling because she doesn't have access to the patreon account as I think it was set up by someone else. She came in and took over the finances and realised they were forking out £24 a month for nothing.

 

[moldwarp]

I personally think it's sick that she reads over here and effectively takes our real life experiences and feelings and tries to pass them off as her own. I can spot a few different fraus (as well as myself) in that long morning post. It's sick.

It's also proof that GDPR Squig was right on the money. Jack stole all her poverty stories from those who sent her emails.


Third time for luck; she's sick.

She mines other people’s traumas all the time. I’ve definitely spotted film and book trauma tropes in her pseudoautobiographical ramblings. The Bell Jar, Prozac Nation, Wasted, The Wreckage, Girl Interrupted, Cuckoo’s Nest, Lost Weekend, Best Little Girl in the World, Days of Wine and Roses, Road to Wigan Pier and, bizarrely enough, The Little Princess are just some of the books and media she seems to have nicked plotlines and scenes from in her desperation to be the most Traumatised Fragile Smol Pix in the World.

 

[hooplifehero]

The peri she really needs ends with 'odontology'

she could have picked up some peri peri sauce for that at Nando’s

 

[Begborrowsteal]

These look like they would taste of old pennies.

I read that as old penises.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Thank you, Squig but as you can see I have completed it, mate.

It's really telling that when someone says 'get off the internet' she's like 'Oh I do, I go out once a day and don't check twitter for an hour at a time!' Which implies that every waking minute she's not at a meeting / out for lunch with pretend friends she's online.

 

[NellieBoo]

Same! When I was a much younger Frau I went to his book signing with a bag of wee gifts (local snacks, tin of gin) because I’m I was nice like that and he was such a rude I think he had his own thread but it didn’t go far?

ps. Jack sucks

Spoiler: OT sort of SHOCKER

Many, many years ago my friends and I went to smash Hits balloon release PR thing (35 years ago?). The sleb was Kim Wilde . She was an absolutely vile bitch and I've never liked her since. I'm not fooled by her cuddly gardening persona <narrows eyes> and I can bear a grudge for decades. Softly, gently

 

[Jelly Bean]

So she's spent all yesterday afternoon, evening and night coming up with this
I have a horrible feeling the 'thing' will be something she hopes nobody will feel they can criticise or doubt.

 

[fR0ot7o0P]

Recap:

On Twitter, Jack was picked up on the vile language she used in a 2013 Guardian interview (" I've not been brought up on benefits and a tracksuit watching Jeremy Kyle. I'm a middle class, well educated young woman who fell a bit by the way side. You think it doesn't happen to normal people, and you think we are all scumbags, eating burgers and watching day time TV. It can happen to anyone." )

Jack claimed this was merely her repeating a question from a journalist back to them. However, clever squigs soon found the original source, which was a speech she gave at the House of Commons which happened before the Guardian interview.

Jack listed the eleventy-four things she uses to help her with her chronic pain including some unusual pain medication combinations

Jack's publishing team have allegedly visited her this morning and been treated to a mushtastic combination of mashed avocado on egg bread.

Why does no-one in a position of influence pick up on how incredibly insulting 'normal people' is? It shows her hand precisely and yet no-one noticed? I assume, because they all think the same.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Doesn't she mean 'shoe-leather journalism'?

Dear Lord Jesus Compton, you've blown the case wide open. Well done tenderfoot, you've earned a promotion to detective! You're still not allowed to wear traazers though (assuming you're a bird) <spits out cigar>

 

[hiyaaaacath]

This is Slopholm Syndrome.

Ahahahahahahahha

Ok. Thread title

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Misslucky]

If it’s fertility/miscarriages she’s going to say the anniversary is for then that’s highly triggering for me and a lot of other people and not something you can really say she’s lying about
She knows exactly what she’s doing and what a coincidence that all this is the day after she meant her publishers! She is one sick woman!

 

[BlairWaldorf86]

Avo on toast that's spread with marmite, little sprinkle of chilli flakes or a hot sauce is a lovely thing .

You can keep pickles for that length of time but not with a 50/50 ratio of vinegar to water like she has, you run the risk of it going stagnant . Needs to be full acidity to preserve it for that long.

Are you saying that Jack Monroe has served her publishers stagnant, pickled arseholes for lunch?

 

[HalcyonDays]

Spoiler: Off topic

More talk about my mum...She told me today that she had an 'unexpected gift' for me because I'm peri menopausal and prone to huge flooding....THE BIGGEST PERIOD PADS AND PANTS IN HISTORY... and I bloody (pun not intended) love them. They're the size of a 9 pound baby, thicker than Jack (or her alien skin) and softy softy gently soft soft. Am going to take a photo of them on my head and post to my friends before my middle aged life force drains into them...

 

[Begborrowsteal]

She is so full of shit. If she put him first, she wouldnt have the tall tales of blatent neglect and emotional manipulation that she does now. He wouldnt have his puberty and family details plastered across twitter. She is a disgusting parent and shouldn't have unsupervised/overnight custody of him. Shes a fucking toxic mess.

Also no one, no one decent, will rent a 1 bed place to a 2 person family with a child his age. Fuck off, ya big liar.

 

[Smeghead]

I reckon the publishers came round to sort her out and she came out with some major lies around why she has been so erratic recently and how she was finally getting the help she needs. ‘Please give me another chance.’ Now she’s going to write about it to try to get the violins going and cash coming in again. Will definitely be something around sex or cancer and how she has ptsd from it or something.
Everyone will say how brave she is and the cycle will repeat. What she really needs to do is stop living her life through social media.
Lots more people questioning her now though

 

[FrumpyCat]

Having posted about it earlier because of the clams I will say I don’t particularly like the dynamic of her relationship with Allegra to be honest. 17 year age difference. Huge wealth imbalance. I don’t know the ins and outs of it but it makes me uncomfortable. If A had been a 17 years older man? Both sides I guess. A stopped clock, etc

I once touched Michael Fassbender’s chest — and I’m still a

Austerity blogger Jack Monroe and chef Allegra McEvedy tell Rosamund Urwin about falling in love, their political ambitions and raising a family

www.standard.co.uk

I found their dynamic really weird. In that article Leggy talks about Jack as if she is a bright and amusing child. Worldly wise? Who would describe another adult in such patronising tones? Plus the playfully shaking her head when Jack said she could cook.as good as Allegra.

I think a few weeks after that article was published they split up.

I think Jack would have had a much happier life of She hadn't got involved with Allegra. I can see she must have had some amazing times, but that was taken away when they split up. How long did it take to dawn on her all these famous people only ever saw her as Allegra's girlfriend? This is one of the few things that make me feel sorry for Jack.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Book or no book, I can't take her publisher seriously. The books look like something you'd produce for your GCSE Hospitality coursework and scrape a C. They're basically doing charity work with JM at this point.