Jack Monroe #344 344%

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Orphan_Black

Orphan_Black

The Jack in the hat

The Lights did not shine, she was too poor to play,
So Jack sat in her luxury apartment on the cold, wet day.

(I'm too lazy to write any more.)
 
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kachoochoo

kachoochoo

I'm still grunking a few pages but I've seen her tweets and this is all so very, very dull.

we deserve better content for a saturday night, jack!

she really is trying to get the tinder english teacher into bed, isn't she?
 
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Valiofthedolls

Valiofthedolls

colouredlines said:
It's probably the only honest Jack, given the state of the crappy bungalow.

Squig: "I love Burns!"
Jack: "He's my bedtime reading!"
Squig: "I love Dickinson!"
Jack: "I have a really rare edition of one of her books!"
Squig: "I love Ted Hughes!"
Jack: "I keep his corpse preserved in formaldehyde in the spare room!"
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I’m pretty positive the only Burns in Jack’s bedroom are the scorch marks on Evil Landlady’s carpet and mattress from where Jack’s brought the slop cooker and the oven trays to the bedroom with her.
 
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F

FrumpyCat

A frau mentions Of mice and men, then Jack references Robbie Burns.

Yes, Jack. We know you read here.
 
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colouredlines

colouredlines

kachoochoo said:
I'm still grunking a few pages but I've seen her tweets and this is all so very, very dull.

we deserve better content for a saturday night, jack!

she really is trying to get the tinder english teacher into bed, isn't she?
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I dunno, I think I prefer Poetry Jack to Secret Bond Theory Jack or Arthritis Remedy Jack.

I really want Heatwave Cooking Tips Jack back though, or Covid Fever Childhood Food Memories Jack. Nothing makes me happier than Jack pulling back the curtain and showing how the slop is made.
 
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Orphan_Black

Orphan_Black

We know she doesn't leave the pebbles on the beach, she's posted pics and poor forgotten rock tumbler was full of them.

Why you lie?
 
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Cookiecookie

Cookiecookie

colouredlines said:
Whenever I see one of Jack's dishes, I am reminded of her occasional countryman (depending on which day of the week it is), James Joyce:

Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liver slices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencod's roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine.

ETA: ...whereas Joyce's love letters remind me of Jack-adjacent RussInCheshire. If you ever want to be horrified, google "james joyce" fart. You have been warned, this is the literary equivalent of Lorraine's growler.
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That was one of the funniest bits of weirdness I ever stumbled upon. I'm glad you've brought up 😂 Love the idea people have that our ancestors were all buttoned up prudes - they were absolutely wild!
 
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Orphan_Black

Orphan_Black

And she published her tit poems on that website.

The sunflower one was hooting material.
 
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Cookiecookie

Cookiecookie

Captainmouse said:
Speaking of which, wonder how her tomatoes etc are doing, wonder how many keeled over in the recent hot spell?
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You know she'll go to Asda in a few weeks and buy a load of mixed punnets, blu tac them to a bit of background paper, and proclaim herself the bestest tomato grower ever
 
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kachoochoo

kachoochoo

Captainmouse said:
Found the image
View attachment 1440783
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ah, whenever I see this pic, I'm reminded of her saying how she picks out 'exile' from folklore on the piano


"i can see you standing, honey
with his arms around your pumble
like you'd get your nightmeat bloody for me"

"you were my lidl, now I'm in asda seeing you out"

and, like I'm one to talk about having taylor swift lyrics in a bio, but remember when jack's bio was "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending" that was 👌 good times
 
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Valiofthedolls

Valiofthedolls

kachoochoo said:
I'm still grunking a few pages but I've seen her tweets and this is all so very, very dull.

we deserve better content for a saturday night, jack!

she really is trying to get the tinder english teacher into bed, isn't she?
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Here’s a little rhyming couplet for her. And if that English Teacher was remotely interested before today, he sure as hell won’t be after this sorry debacle. What teacher wants his potential paramour making a complete twit of herself very publicly online while attempting to emulate his most aggravating 15 year old GCSE students (and where all said students can see)? Nice one, Thirsty Jack.
0E88CE7B-DAAC-4797-BCD7-47E50338E8C8.jpeg


I forward to seeing how Mosaic Jack alienates the Ceramicist next weekend. We already know of the long running Ailments Jack saga which would send any medical professional running for the hills, so she hasn’t got a sniff with the Dr.- so to speak.
 
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Ostapbender

Ostapbender

Orphan_Black said:
@Ostapbender god bless your soul for liking the original of this tit post. I was in some weird fugue state thinking, was that me? I think I made that. Lol. You cleared the haze! I've had a bit of fizz to drink and my head is full of bubbles.
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So funny! Although in fairness I didn't know Jack was 20 when she wrote this, so fair enough, we've all written odd things. There's just something about the phrase "twenty six sunflowers, one for every year of your life" that makes me giggle... it sounds so final
 
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DrtCrl

DrtCrl

NellieBoo said:
I'm so thankful right now that I'm getting old and have memories to replace all the school learning shite. It's ~literally~ all fallen out of my head! I just remember the best bits!
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To be fair I’d buried this for twenty five several years before Poetry Jack brought it all screaming back. Yet another thing I can blame her for 😂
 
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