Jack Monroe #340 Not a professional account

[Boogs]

Realistically, here's how this plays out.

Complaining Squig: "I signed up to Jack's Patreon and got nothing."

Jack: "This person has been trolling me for years. She presented herself as a fan, was even offered the chance to participate in one of my live shows, and responded by immediately making an account on a gossip forum and plotting how to best to harass me."

Jackolytes: "That's terrible. I'm doubling my Patreon contribution. You do such good work."

I'm not saying I agree with this, by the way. But this is categorically not any kind of smoking gun.

You’re right that’s totally how this will probably play out. It’s so frustrating that she always comes out on top.

I wonder if the people on Patreon are the type to give food to homeless people rather than cash because they don’t want to fund someone’s addiction Essentially that’s what they are doing with her, and I don’t mean alcohol.

 

[moldwarp]

The video with Toff, from 05:52 onwards, Jack details her tale of woe and Todd couldn’t be less interested.

Jack: “Freezing, hungry, tried to top my self”
Toff: “yeh…”

I think Jacks probably used to a very different reaction to that rehearsed speech.

Side note: I grew up in extreme (relatively) poverty and we often had no electricity / had no hot water / no bus fair to get to school / food. This was pre food banks. I’m not being unsympathetic there’s just something so rehearsed about the way Jack tells this. Performative. Makes my skin crawl

People who’ve experienced poverty know instinctively she’s lying.

People who’ve never been anywhere near poverty assume she’s telling the truth.

Jack exploits the second group for money and fame. She does nothing to help the first group.

Spoiler: Wholemeal merail

my grandmother made all her baked goods with wholemeal flour because she had a digestive condition. They were all delicious, possibly because she compensated with a great deal of brown sugar. I will say that I much prefer wholemeal pasta, bread and scones to the white versions. They’re just tastier to me, and I don’t feel like falling asleep after eating them

 

[Onestorytoomany]

People who’ve experienced poverty know instinctively she’s lying.

People who’ve never been anywhere near poverty assume she’s telling the truth.

Jack exploits the second group for money and fame. She does nothing to help the first group.

Spoiler: Wholemeal merail

my grandmother made all her baked goods with wholemeal flour because she had a digestive condition. They were all delicious, possibly because she compensated with a great deal of brown sugar. I will say that I much prefer wholemeal pasta, bread and scones to the white versions. They’re just tastier to me, and I don’t feel like falling asleep after eating them

I eat brown bread, pasta and rice, but the cookies I made were honestly not it, perhaps like her I made them wrong, except I am not afraid to admit it. Also when I am down in the dumps I find my baking is well below par compared to when I am happy.

 

[Cack Conroe]

The video with Toff, from 05:52 onwards, Jack details her tale of woe and Todd couldn’t be less interested.

Jack: “Freezing, hungry, tried to top my self”
Toff: “yeh…”

I think Jacks probably used to a very different reaction to that rehearsed speech.

Side note: I grew up in extreme (relatively) poverty and we often had no electricity / had no hot water / no bus fair to get to school / food. This was pre food banks. I’m not being unsympathetic there’s just something so rehearsed about the way Jack tells this. Performative. Makes my skin crawl

Toff’s reaction was probably authentic, she didn’t realise she was supposed to performatively virtue-signal her sympathy at Jack’s recital of The Poverty.

I think I would probably just make mono-syllabic polite noises hearing Jack’s overblown fairytales, too.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Sadly I don’t think there will be much of a squig uprising. She may lose a handful of subscribers but there are plenty more paypigs to be found.

If I were her I’d be nervous about her income from Patreon being leaked somehow. Patreon was already hacked a few years ago, and last year Twitch was hacked and the details of payments to every single user was made public. Or, you know, the tax returns. She can’t put off filing them forever (even if she will try her best).

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Sadly I don’t think there will be much of a squig uprising. She may lose a handful of subscribers but there are plenty more paypigs to be found.

If I were her I’d be nervous about her income from Patreon being leaked somehow. Patreon was already hacked a few years ago, and last year Twitch was hacked and the details of payments to every single user was made public. Or, you know, the tax returns. She can’t put off filing them forever (even if she will try her best).

What happens if the patron does act and cuts her payments, will she have to get a real job? She said herself her other work only pays one 100th of her out goings.

 

[jenny2603]

I've found a forever home for Jack. It's perfect!

Check out this Detached house for sale on Rightmove

Detached house for sale in Bull Sandfort, Humber Estuary, Hull HU12 0UG, HU12 for £50,000. Marketed by Savills, National Auctions

www.rightmove.co.uk

 

[Boogs]

What happens if the patron does act and cuts her payments, will she have to get a real job? She said herself her other work only pays one 100th of her out goings.

What pisses me off more than anything is that what she is meant to provide for subscribers isn’t anything that takes real time and talent. It’s not like she is doing a podcast that she needs to research. She just needs to get off her arse and send some stuff. She just can’t be bothered and treats the people who support her with such contempt.

 

[MancBee]

Toff’s reaction was probably authentic, she didn’t realise she was supposed to performatively virtue-signal her sympathy at Jack’s recital of The Poverty.

I think I would probably just make mono-syllabic polite noises hearing Jack’s overblown fairytales, too.

I loved it at the end when they were discussing where they were on the political spectrum. Jack said she was centre left (so much for being a lefty lezza) and Toff said she was centre right.

Jack then said "if we were to go on another date" and before she could say any more Toff jumped in with "NO"

 

[colouredlines]

I've found a forever home for Jack. It's perfect!

Check out this Detached house for sale on Rightmove

Detached house for sale in Bull Sandfort, Humber Estuary, Hull HU12 0UG, HU12 for £50,000. Marketed by Savills, National Auctions

www.rightmove.co.uk

Can we have a whip round and make this Canal HQ? Jack will never be able to get close enough to triangulate us, she can't swim because of her birthmarks.

 

[Boogs]

I've found a forever home for Jack. It's perfect!

Check out this Detached house for sale on Rightmove

Detached house for sale in Bull Sandfort, Humber Estuary, Hull HU12 0UG, HU12 for £50,000. Marketed by Savills, National Auctions

www.rightmove.co.uk

I quite like the idea of living in a sea fort

 

[usefullyuseless]

Can’t decide what I want to happen here. Do I want Jack to spend all day pretending she made yummy nom nom cookies and she’s totally going to post pictures and recipes, guys. Or do I actually want to see these cookies, which let’s face it, will look like massive turds (even the good bakers can’t make whole meal cookies look good).

I want to see the cookies so we can have a group activity of triangulating which brand cookie they actually are. Yes, I am bored on maternity leave, why do you ask?

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Ah I was just playing dear heart Poca. I am indifferent towards the walrus.

Did we get this yesterday? In response to her taking the piss out of Rishi's pythag stance and height. She's up and liking things btw, was also still up and liking things around 2am as well.

View attachment 1415742

Extremely short on humour, talent and kindness. Just a wee toty shortie pixie. Don't worry Jack, pricks come in all sizes.

 

[Feck]

Can we have a whip round and make this Canal HQ? Jack will never be able to get close enough to triangulate us, she can't swim because of her birthmarks.

Happy to chip in for this A little bit worried that there are 25 photos from varying angles but nothing of the interior. I'm sure we can spruce it up with some Strawberry Thief curtains and a couple of sideboards. Got a SUP and a kayak so can ferry a few of us over.

 

[Veronicaaa]

What pisses me off more than anything is that what she is meant to provide for subscribers isn’t anything that takes real time and talent. It’s not like she is doing a podcast that she needs to research. She just needs to get off her arse and send some stuff. She just can’t be bothered and treats the people who support her with such contempt.

Even her Patreon is such a stupid, pre-digital concept, though. In this day and age, why would someone send out things via the post? She could do a basic monthly newsletter with recipes, it wouldn't take long and costs nothing to produce. Or she could in fact do a podcast, it's not like she'd consider researching it and she loves the sound of her own voice, for some reason.

 

[Spanner]

What pisses me off more than anything is that what she is meant to provide for subscribers isn’t anything that takes real time and talent. It’s not like she is doing a podcast that she needs to research. She just needs to get off her arse and send some stuff. She just can’t be bothered and treats the people who support her with such contempt.

I’ve been thinking about this. I have quite a few patreon Subscriptions, mostly to podcasts to get extra content. I recently realised that one was producing content I hadn’t bothered listening to as I wasn’t really interested in the subject matter, so I cancelled. If they’d never produced any content, I wouldn’t have realised & id still be paying them (I realise I’m privileged to have this money to waste*) So she’s being sneaky staying under the radar & not drawing attention to her lack of work, just not addressing it at all

* weirdly almost exactly the same back ground as Jack! Dad a firefighter (although just a station officer unlike big Dave), mum a health visitor and I went to grammar school. Grandfather wasn’t a Tory land baron though, and all my grandparents lived in council houses. I don’t claim to be working class because I’m not

 

[Smeghead]

Can we have a whip round and make this Canal HQ? Jack will never be able to get close enough to triangulate us, she can't swim because of her birthmarks.

She can row?!! Oh hang on, shoulder injury!
Squig: why don’t you try walking on water, if anyone could it’s you Jack!
Jack: been walking on water all my life, more so since the resurrection.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Sadly I don’t think there will be much of a squig uprising. She may lose a handful of subscribers but there are plenty more paypigs to be found.

If I were her I’d be nervous about her income from Patreon being leaked somehow. Patreon was already hacked a few years ago, and last year Twitch was hacked and the details of payments to every single user was made public. Or, you know, the tax returns. She can’t put off filing them forever (even if she will try her best).

Ooh I didn't know Patreon was hacked. I wonder if Anonymous accept commissions. Perhaps they'd like to expose the grifters of patreon and social media.

 

[hiyaaaacath]

Toff’s reaction was probably authentic, she didn’t realise she was supposed to performatively virtue-signal her sympathy at Jack’s recital of The Poverty.

I think I would probably just make mono-syllabic polite noises hearing Jack’s overblown fairytales, too.

Absolutely, it was so rehearsed and robotic that it elicits zero sympathy. It was like a check list:

Keys
Wallet
Phone


Freezing
Hungry
No food for 3 days

She’s reeled off that poverty checklist a thousand times.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Jack: been walking on water all my life, more so since the resurrection.

Speaking of resurrection, she’s like Lazarus on a bleeping loop with that perpetually endless cycle of retweeting the Burglar Bill before and after pic that’s for sure.

(Bible Lazarus, not our @Lazarus - am not maligning a frau by associating them with the vile one. Perish the very thought)