Jack Monroe #340 Not a professional account

[Mrs Peel]

Jack struggles with her own personal hygiene; imagine her house with a MASSIVE ungroomed fog with that wet dog smell, all sweaty after rolling in fox poo.

And managing to smear the poo over every available rug, carpet, chair, sideboard etc

 

[Hollaaa]

View attachment 1417473

Or alternatively get you someone who looks at you the way every woman who's on a promise with Jimmy Fallon after the show looks at Jimmy Fallon.

 

[jenny2603]

Am I reading this right - is she claiming that she did this the day BEFORE the fire, because she was already concerned about safety issues? Or has she just got her timeline wrong?

ETA cos the fire happened early hours Thursday

I think she's just mixed up the timeline or is writing it the week after the fire.

 

[Orphan_Black]

maybe that’s where they came from

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Whatever happened to those tumbling rocks that Jack totally found on Southend beach?

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I'm starting to wonder if she had it done in biro. Akin to the doodles you gave yourself when the maths teacher was teaching Pythagoras.

Indian Ink and a compass!

 

[Captainmouse]

My data is probably out of date (I love facts). But women in the north east are the smallest in the country, the average was 5ft 2 or something.
I have friends under 5ft. You are not that small Jack.

And neither are her feet, her choice of footwear doesn’t help

 

[Monochrome Muse]

☆thread title☆
Could it be the same as this one, but in true zeleb neon light style have the neon mis-fire for the letters;
Monroe, #340, not, a.c.unt
Send chapeaux to; Detached Property, Nice Part of Soufend, CELERY PI55 0FF to be in with a chance to win!

 

[NellieBoo]

I had no idea who you meant, so I googled it. I really shouldn't have: IT'S YET ANOTHER PERSON I FOLLOWED ON TWITTER WHO IS A SECRET MONSTER.
Send mind bleach.

Bless you sweet summer child. Go well .

 

[Lurkeryaar]

but doggo isn’t even really looking at her tho.

Probably staring at the nightmeat in her grubby mitts.

 

[jenny2603]

It also stated that she was a pocket rocket. Being a woman of the world, it is my understanding that this is in fact a pocket rocket.

Spoiler: Pocket Rocket

Unlike an actual pocket rocket, however, slopzilla is neither powerful, quiet, nor compact. She is, however, a fucking tool. I’ll give her that.
View attachment 1416457

She is a fake cock to be fair.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Could be. I wondered if it was to go on r4s kitchen cabinet as I heard there was a new series

She will NOT be popular with some of the other regulars

 

[Lazarus]

If an apprentice did this for cheap then the LEAST she could do here is tag them for exposure to all of jacks adoring squigs. Right?

welcome new member. We call them Squigs because we squiggle out their names to keep them anonymous.

 

[Upthisweek]

Haven't grunked yet so sorry if it's already said but that tattoo doesn't look less than a day old does it? No redness?

 

[GrannyOgg]

He has a thread now!

Love the varying income %s going to charity

ETA https://tattle.life/threads/russ-in-cheshire.31621/

Thank you, I’ve now located said thread and posted the screenshot for posterity

 

[Wonderalice6]

It's only a few weeks back that Wacko said she was feeding the in-laws EVERY SUNDAY, it's no wonder lil ole Harold (sorry, can't even think the word Harold without saying 'Arold! 'Arold! ...if you know, you know ) LEFT. Did her mammy suddenly stop providing her with roast dinners at that point in time?

I know I'm being pedantic, but her out of context and over/misuse of the ~tilde~ is just ridiculous and really grinds my gears! She used it around "I" but it makes literally - and forensically - no sense! Is she saying, as per the explanation below, that she is an approximation of I? Or does she have Portuguese in her bones as well as ALLLLL the other nationalities?

• an accent (~) placed over Spanish n when pronounced ny (as in señor ) or Portuguese a or o when nasalized (as in São Paulo ), or over a vowel in phonetic transcription, indicating nasalization.
• a symbol similar to a tilde used in mathematics and logic to indicate negation, inversion, etc.
• In informal writing, a tilde is sometimes used before a number to mean “about” or “approximately.” For example, a sentence that reads I think my dog weighs ~20 pounds means I think my dog weighs about/around 20 pounds. This usage is likely based on the math usage of the tilde symbol to mean an approximate equivalency.

See, published-author Jack? NO SENSE! LITERALLY

BIB - strangely, that bit does work for Jack

Morning all!

This massively annoys me to! I feel like she’s is trying to make a point more interesting/valid by doing this. It’s on the same lines as when someone uses all capitals or loads of swear words to make a point when in reality you have just made yourself look worse

 

[Captainmouse]

And, where was poor content whilst mackie was inking herself?

 

[CocoCottesmore]

Why is her hand so grey? Its like the ink has leaked.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

This is a tangent as still grunking.

Listening to Off-menu (podcast with Ed Gamble and James Acaster) with Nadiya on it and she is SO lovely. Funny, warm, charming. So different to some other cooks we know!

My fave podcast! The episode with Angela Hartnett is a delight, too.

Nearly 200 episodes and no Smol Pixie? Although I can only imagine the woe is me tirade they'd get when asking 'still or sparkling'.

 

[Monochrome Muse]

Are you going to let Jacko in so she can Twattle to her fanz?

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Sophie/Pretzel died an awful death and Jack said that Mini was never hers


Oh poppet, you are too young. This is a riff on a song by The Kinks x

the kinks dedicated follower of fashion lyrics https://g.co/kgs/YVztFL

I yomped completely off in the wrong direction. I'd pegged it as coming from The Scarlet Pimpernel.