Jack Monroe #340 Not a professional account

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Clovis

Jack's ex-OHs (according to Jack who as we all know is medically incapable of lying):

Have a lovely afternoon, pal.
 
Reactions: 66

Lazarus

I’ll try and do one for tomorrow’s new thread!
 
Reactions: 34

Lumpyspaceprincess

My data is probably out of date (I love facts). But women in the north east are the smallest in the country, the average was 5ft 2 or something.
I have friends under 5ft. You are not that small Jack.
 
Reactions: 47

Boyo

Lumpyspaceprincess said:
My data is probably out of date (I love facts). But women in the north east are the smallest in the country, the average was 5ft 2 or something.
I have friends under 5ft. You are not that small Jack.
Click to expand...
Sorry Lumpy but ~she~ is the smollest smol pixie that ever smolled. If you can’t see that, pal, that’s on you. Have a great day!
 
Reactions: 66

auntylil

It's only a few weeks back that Wacko said she was feeding the in-laws EVERY SUNDAY, it's no wonder lil ole Harold (sorry, can't even think the word Harold without saying 'Arold! 'Arold! ...if you know, you know ) LEFT. Did her mammy suddenly stop providing her with roast dinners at that point in time?

I know I'm being pedantic, but her out of context and over/misuse of the ~tilde~ is just ridiculous and really grinds my gears! She used it around "I" but it makes literally - and forensically - no sense! Is she saying, as per the explanation below, that she is an approximation of I? Or does she have Portuguese in her bones as well as ALLLLL the other nationalities?
  • an accent (~) placed over Spanish n when pronounced ny (as in señor ) or Portuguese a or o when nasalized (as in São Paulo ), or over a vowel in phonetic transcription, indicating nasalization.
  • a symbol similar to a tilde used in mathematics and logic to indicate negation, inversion, etc.
  • In informal writing, a tilde is sometimes used before a number to mean “about” or “approximately.” For example, a sentence that reads I think my dog weighs ~20 pounds means I think my dog weighs about/around 20 pounds. This usage is likely based on the math usage of the tilde symbol to mean an approximate equivalency.
See, published-author Jack? NO SENSE! LITERALLY

BIB - strangely, that bit does work for Jack

Morning all!
 
Reactions: 53

Lizzie Mintdrop

Fuck off Jack, you aren't extremely short, your declared height is pretty much average
 
Reactions: 46

Penelope_Ghent

I am sorely tempted to pay a random visitor to the book festival to ask a difficult question of the grifting smol pixie.
 
Reactions: 40

heretoreaditall2019

Going to hell for this but I don’t touch home baked stuff in meetings for shit, god help those that do in Southend.




Fuck those cookies
 
Reactions: 88

colouredlines

Jack's tilde abuse is straight out of the Myspace era, and as a former teenage Livejournaller I kind of love it.

BTW I'm still mulling over the dressing like a lesbian thing. Obviously there is no official lesbian dress code, but...well, I suppose the stereotype that would come to mind is butch, and Jack doesn't dress that way? She did a bit many years ago, when she had short hair and was the most lesbian lesbian ever to have lesbianed, but those days are long gone, and the last time she showed off her famous masculine aesthetic it was with a cable knit jumper.

Unless pig skin hats and expensive pastel jumpers are particularly sapphic and I am unaware of this, I would almost suspect that Jack herself made the comment? Like, "Ooh look out Harold, I dress like a lesbian, no one will think we're together?"
 
Reactions: 70

Cookiecookie

Her height, like her shit tattoos, is another of her personality traits.
 
Reactions: 54

Rekyavikgirl

Boyo said:
Sorry Lumpy but ~she~ is the smollest smol pixie that ever smolled. If you can’t see that, pal, that’s on you. Have a great day!
Click to expand...
Will the world survive en encounter between Monroe and Sali Hughes? Both of them are the smollest of smoll.
 
Reactions: 40

Moneypenny’sfreedom

So, the forensic and yawn making performance shopping lists she displays and she doesn’t have plain flour? You know that ingredient, which Is hard to source and easy to overlook.

Anyone would think she isn’t a cook at all!

Where did the word grunk/ grunking come from?
 
Reactions: 41

Amanda Lin

Also cost of living payment day today. Perfect time for literal budgeting expert to suggest some bulk buying hacks to alleviate more suffering.

Free idea for you Jack if you grunk today.
 
Reactions: 43
M

MooBelle

Morning all.
Just to say it was Big D's birthday 2 days ago. Southend Coast Guard have a FB post wishing him a happy birthday. Expecting Jack to mention it any moment now.
 
Reactions: 57

Cookiecookie

There was a member called GrunkaLunka who managed to get through a lot of threads in a short space of time. I believe they got far too busy with baby Grunkas, but their name lives on.
 
Reactions: 60
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